shaking and baking

[retreadfred]

well here it goes. my story is not pretty as many others that have gone before me. I had 13 years clean..the NA way...best years of my life. I worked a serious program through the 12 steps ,had a sponsor(several over the years), have sponsored many men. I moved in 1997 and hard a hard time adjusting to the new meetings. I spent ovcer a year trying to find one that fit to no avail. I stayed clean for for four years without meetings and my life was still very good. I had a severe back injury in 2001 and had surgery at L5si to remove major disc rupture in 2003. I had lived with the pain for those two years with otc aleeve, ibuprofen,etc...the surgery helped pain in legs,saitica, butt pain but was left with severe back pain. started out on vicadin and quickly progressed to percs, then to the dreaded tiny little oxies.once I started taking those my tolerance progressed to (3) 80 MG OXIES/DAY. never really helped my pain but hey when your that &$%& ED up who cares. these were prescribed for me and while i never took more than prescribed I feel respomsible for my own health and that includes drugs....especially for me..an addict. i am well aware of the literature "illness in recovery" but I dont think it applies to someone taking 240mg of oxie 7 years after surgery...lol.. even my insane mind cannot justify it. besides there is more to the story/drug history over the past 7 years. anyways to make this shorter I am on day 6 clean , no pills, fix,or drink, it aint pretty but has to be done. i want what I had back. i have a right to my recovery regardless of anyone who thinks/feels insecure becuase i relapsed after so many years clean. picking up a white chip at NA is not an issue. I tried to get clean in NA 2 years ago and found the same attitudes as when I moved to this god forsaken place.. I am considering AA as no one would know me there. I know I can get clean alone ....never a problem for an addict...the issue as always-me included is staying clean. anyways any thoughts and or experience strength and hope is appreciated and to all the folks with 5 or less days is does get better. but please listen to those with time and do something as a plan of recovery for the long haul. addcition is a disease and will wait for you to pick up very patiently.   love to all Mark

[vicki595]

Hi~ I just want to welcome you to the forum and wish you well. I think you'll feel right at home here. Many,many wonderful and genuine members!

Here's to day 6 and all the others ahead! Stick around and keep posting~

Vicki

[retreadfred]

a warm welcome...wow...

[IBKleen]

Welcome!

And the next time you post, please don't share my story. LOL

Good to have you on board. Glad to see you on day 6. Listen, NA/AA, it doesn't matter where you find your recovery, as long as you find it. I might also suggest relapse counseling and I say that because of the pain factor.

Again, glad you are here. I hope you stick around and get what you need and give it away too.