Lortab w/D - please help!

[whoa1]

Just wanted to tell everyone how comforting and saddening at the same time that I have people just like me who don't feel like a typical drug addict but obviously if I'm on this site, well there you go. Anyway. my question does anyway think that there is a way to detox myself by obtaining a small amount of Methadone and tapering it down or is that just foolishness?  I do have Rx's for Flexeril and Xanax on hand. Thanks to anyone that can help.  I do not have $$ for rehab or Subox DR.  I am so sick $ tired of the counting and the hunting and the guilt. I think I will have to wait until summer as I can not get child off to school in detox.  Guess I am weak.

[10356]

we can read all the self help books we want but until we get rid of our past what drove us to escape they are useless.. anyone can be Native I have met non natives that were more native them myself :) it is believable you may have ancestry although a princess is not what she would have been called :) we get out what we put in.. what you are willing to allow yourself to believe with your heart mind and spirit.. and the guts to see it through..

[whoa1]

You know I really admire Native Americans; there seems to be a contentment and a peace with nature that they have deep in their soul.  Of course my father told me he had a great great grandmother who was a Cherokee "princess".  One in every family right.  I have read so many self-help books, you would think I would be fixed by now.  I won't even tell you my profession it would be the proverbial "icing on the cake".  Anyway, I quit work 2 years ago before I lost everything.  I quit to get my addiction taken care of - so far not happening...

[10356]

as addicts we have a very tiny world indeed and to open up is to open up our secrets. I'm part Native American and find a lot of my strength through teachings. much like Buddhism. it does not matter what you consider your higher power as long as we realize there is something greater then us even if it is a mountain range a tree.. living isolated is not the way humans were meant to live. as for your husband. there is nothing you can do for him but you can do something for yourself.. focus on you. once we do life has a way of falling into place..

[whoa1]

Oddly I just returned from the beach, of course we could not leave town until my refill was ready.  The thing is honestly I don't really have any friends sad but true.  I isolate myself on purpose - too many secrets that might get out.  I used to have 2 close friends in college; we partied but we were close like sisters.  One of them found me on Fakebook which my daughter set up for me so she could play 2 sets of games, whatever.  We talked for awile and when she started talking about getting together I freaked and cut things off.  I don't know why I am like that.  Most people enjoy friends, right??  I am married if you want to call it that - he has a lover called alcohol!!  I am so superior right; I just can't stand being around a drunk.  I have thought of joining a church but I'm kinda out there regarding religion.  I live in the Bible Belt and when I tell people at church I kinda believe in Buddhism they look at me like I have just sproted horns.  I need to form my own church of the poisoned minds I guess.  Come to think of it I remember a meth head that changed a bar into a church up the road.  The sign outside reads  "Come inside as u r we don't judge".  The last time I saw the the guy though was when he came up to my door at 2 am trying to sell me a weed eater and I'm like "WTF" I'm asleep.  The dog never barked.  Meth heads are so friendly.

[10356]

we share a lot in common. at 16 I was a heroin addict to escape molestation and rape our so I thought then on to crank alcohol and every drug I could get in me. what I got out of it was liver disease kidney disease and a life that was filled with pain and sorrow although to look in you would never see it.. Today I will be clean 3 years Oct. 3 and to be honest these last 3 years are the only ones I feel I have truly lived. as a mom I had given a child up for adoption and turned one over to my mom. I understand the guilt.. there is a way out. It is talking being honest and admitting our faults.. but therapy was necessary for me to let go. You are here and it is a start. I'm very Proud of you..

[whoa1]

Thanks for your support; you know deep down I really don't like myself much less love.  Sometimes I amuse myself and laugh at myself for some of the stuff I say and do.  I don't know if I am harder on myself than other people - but I'v done things that I know the other mothers around here would not even consider.  I'll admit one for example - using my kid's birthday money to buy pills.  Is that low or what?? I did put it back eventually but still what kind of mother would do that??  If you been thru 4 decades you have seen the same sort of partying as me.  The 70's are a blur of pot smoke; the 80's coke and speed. the 90's the pills started with a little pink girl named "Darvocet" but she soon bored me to tears. Etc.,etc..

[atthebeach]

hi. the drugs give you a false sense of who you are. they mask the real you and you can become anyone you want on the drugs. until they hold you prisoner and depend on them for your very life. you need to try therapy again and be truthful with them. believe me they have heard it all before and you will not be judged. we also will not judge you, we are here to help you. we will give you advice and encourage you.but you are the one who has to heed the advice and follow through with it all. you do have the courage and strength within you. you just need to find it. you are right life sometimes does have many heartaches, sorrow and pain. you can use this analogy life is a thornbush with roses on it, or a rosebush is thorns on it. if all depends on how you look at it. and how you handle or dont handle the trials when they come. there is lots of help for you, are you married , if not find a trusted friend to talk to, being honest with yourself first then someone else, including therapist, a drug counselor will give you a release that you so need. many people begin to use drugs to deal with emotional pain, wounds and scars, but what the drugs do is continue to suppress your feelings and drive them deeper down into your heart, soul, spirit and your mind. you need to release all that junk in there and you will begin to heal. i would suggest you talking to a pastor, minister, attending church. you will find great strength hope, peace and encouragment there.
please continue to talk to us
blessings to you
debbie

[10356]

Hi Whoa. Welcome to the forum.. I was once that person that looked for pity that felt the bad things that happened to me in adolescence gave me certain rights to destroy myself.. I was on self destruct mode for 4 decades although I had everything to live for. it took a od for me to finally accept help thru therapy.. Today my past is where it belongs in the past it no longer rules my present nor my future.. my Niece had found with persistence help with therapy thru the county for her past.. Till we lay that part of our self's to rest forgive ourselves for our wrongs and accept things we can not change.. we are stuck.. Getting clean for me was impossible until I learned to love myself.. the way I was raised was not conducive to this.. It was a grueling process but one I would do again and again if it bought the same results.. I wish you well and never give up ok You are worth it.. the tears of a clown are the saddest.. lesa

[whoa1]

I went to a therapist once and I found myself making up sh## to tell her to keep from opening up on my real issues.  Is that crazy or what??  I didn't want her to think badly of me.  This is probably more than I have opened up anywhere.  I really don't like people to know the "real me"  I have a reputation for being "the funny one" or the"crazy in a good way" one.  If they only knew - and usually I am high as a kite at my best party personality and I hate to drink so everyone thinks I'm just naturally the "life of the party"  Talk about the tears of a clown...

[dominosarah]

You need to face your demons that are eating you alive.  There is help out there whoa.  Please check into it.  The sooner you do this the sooner your life will start to have meaning.  You hold the key that will unlock those chains that bind you~~~~~sara

[whoa1]

I am going to give it a hell of a try - I'm psyching myself up for the big DETOX .  I went to the library and checked out a bunch of books on addiction etc. (I'm old school - I still like books) I have to admit reading some of these posts inspire me and some scare the hell out of me.  It has been many years since I have not had "mommy's medicine" to wake up in the morning.  But the older I get the more disgusted I become of the way it makes you live.  I want to be free of it; it's like a ball & chain.  Your first post made me laugh; you reminded me of my older sister, she's tough and doesn't put up with any BS or self-pity.  She goes toe to toe with anyone or anything she has to face.  I don't know why me,  the baby sister, cannot be more like her.  For one thing though,  she left my dysfunctional family early and got married.  I was left with them and things happened to me that she does not know about.  I have tried to open up to her about it but I can tell she doesn't need any more problems on her plate.  Her only child a daughter, died suddenly a few years ago and 2 days later my other sister died.  So we had 2 funerals in one week.  Anyway it's no excuse everybody's got stuff and they deal with it right??  

[vicki595]

So...feeling better?  Did you grow a pair?  LOL

[whoa1]

I just read my post and I thought  what a self pitying childish person and I remembered Oh that's me.  I was in pity poor me party and expecting someone to coddle me.  I am sorry - the people on here seem so genuine and helpful.  I need to grow a pair and deal with my problem.

[0421]

I used to feel the same way I would post and know one would answer me, but sometimes if you just read the post you will see that someone else is going through something and a lot of people are trying to help that person. I know when you are scared and all hyped up you get parinoid, just wait and someone will answer you. Sorry you didn't get an answer back right away, hang in there, good luck and prayers to you.

[dede2121]

sometimes people arent on here immediately to answer. you have to be patient and someone will always respond.
but to come on here and threaten to take a pill because no one answered right away is childish. if you really want to quit then hang around here and you will get lots of help and advice.

[vicki595]

You know what??   Don't you dare come on this forum and blame US for your addiction and take a pill because no one has answered you!!  Wake the hell up!!   And don't you dare threaten in the SLIGHTEST to off yourself...

Now..if you want help ask for it!!

[udoschoices]

i would advise against self-medicating with Methadone - it is WAY more powerful than lortab and harder to get off of and you would be swapping one problem for another..  yes, you can detox yourself it isnt that hard just maybe 5-7 days of discomfort and then dealing with the mental battle of staying off pills...   try not to be so hard on yourself, you are not alone none of us wanted to get hooked on them but there is a way out if you do whatever it takes... hang in there

[whoa1]

Since noone will answer me I will pop another one and get back to my hell on earth.  If it weren't for my child I would just OD.  life really doesn't matter to me any more.