so sad...

[Jjcv]

Hello everyone, i will start by excusing my english wrighting, but its not my firs language.
I faund "u guys", by googleing " how to cure crack cocaine on your own".
It hurts me so much to say, but i love a crack head! Me and my boyfriend have been together for 7 years, and latelly i carie a emotional bagadje that i almost can´t handle.His been twice to a rehab center, but never lasted sober for to long.Last time he went to a detox center (for one week) he came home determinated to stay clean,and it lasted two months untill he used again.
We both are 24 years old, and i feel that it´s so unfair that someone my age has to go through all these stuff, but i love him so much that i just can´t give up on someone whom is so special to me.
He doesn´t want to go back to rehab,claming he can do it on his own...I just whant to nkow what i can do to help him stay clean, or what kind of actitude i shoul have when he has binged for days?!I´m usually so glad that he is home and ok, that i minimize all the anger that i feel!
I just want him clean and in peace, becouse he diservs it.
I´d be glad to recieve some help and coments.It would be nice to Chat with some one hat actually knows what i´m talking abaut and how i feel.

[malenurse57]

Be supportive but you must take time for you. Do not let his addiction drag you down, you can be supportive and still have a life without constantly worrying about him all the time. If you don't you will age way before your time. I do commend you for your commitment to be there for him but also worry about you. I will keep you both in prayer.
God bless.
"T"

[Jjcv]

First of all i wanna congradulate you on deciding to be clean.I imagina how hard it must be...
I do feel that i should be there for my love,and that is what i´m going to do.Sometimes it´s just so hard for me becouse i end up puting myself in second place, but i end up finding the sreinghth becouse if he is ok it´s all worth it!
I think you understud me wrong.I don´t use drugs.Before i would ocasionaly smoke weed, but since my boyfriend has had this problem with heavy drugs i´ve been completly disgusted by any drug! ( just smoke cigs).thanx and i am here for enything.

[soreadytodetox]

YOUR STORY IS SO SAD BUT YOU SEEM TO TRUELY WANT THE BST FOR HIM. I HAVE BEEN A OPIATE ADDICT FOR OVER 10 YEARS AND I JUST STARTED THE LAST 4 YRS SNORTING THE PERCOCETS MY BEST FRIEND TURNED ME ON TO THE SNORTING. I HAVE NEVER SMOKED THE ROCK BUT I HAVE TRIED THE POWDER. I DIDNT LIKE THE COMING DOWN PART AT ALL AND I ONLY DID IT FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS BUT I NEW RIGHT THEN IF I DIDNT STOP IT WOULD CONTROL ME! OVER THE LAST 10 YEARS I HAVE LOST 5 FRIENDS TO CRACK AND A HANDFUL MORE THAT ARE JUST AT ROCK BOTTOM!! IT IS A TERRIBLE ADDITION. IT JUST MAKES PEOPLE DO ANYTHING AND I MEAN ANYTHING FOR THAT NEXT HIT! IVE WATCHED THEM SLOWLY JUST START DYING AWAY UNTIL THERE ISNT ANY ONE LEFT INSIDE OF THEM. I COMMEND YOU FOR WANTING TO BE THERE FOR HIM AND TO HELP HIM, BUT HE IS GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE THAT FIRST STEP THE HARDEST ONE TO TAKE! ONLY HE CAN MAKE THAT CHOICE JUST AS I HAD TO DO , MY HUSBAND NEW I WAS USING PERCS JUST NOT SNORTING, WELL WHEN I DECIDED TO TAKE MY LIFE BACK AND BE IN CONTROL I HAD TO BE HONEST WITH HIM ,SO I TOLD HIM AND WELL TO PUT IT MILDLY HE WAS LIVIDED, SO MAD AND DISAPOINTED IN ME, YES IT HURT ME AND I ALMOST STARTED USING AGAIN BUT I THOUGHT IT DONT MATTER WHAT HE THINKS ANYMORE, IT MATTERED HOW I FELT! HE DIDNT SPEAK ONE WORD TO ME FOR A WEEK AND 1/2 HES COMING AROUND BUT I STILL DONT CARE NOW. I TOLD HIM EITHER BE HERE FOR ME AND HELP ME BET THIS ADDITION OR I WILL CARRY ON MYSELF. AND I FELL GOOD ABOUT TAKING A STAND AND FOR ONCE I STOOD MY GROUND. GETTING BACK TO THE BEST FRIEND WHO TURNED ME ON, 3 WEEKS AGO SHE O/D ON OPAINAS& SEVERAL OTHER MEDS AND ALSO HAD A STROKE I STAYED BY HE SIDE AT THE HOSPITAL FOR 7 DAYS IN ICU SHE ALMOST DIED!!!! I WATCHED HER OVER THE YEARS GET WORSE AND WORSE SHE HAS LOST SO MUCH BECAUSE OF THE DRUGS LOST EVERYTHING BUT MY FRIENDSHIP! SO NOW I HAVE MOVED HER IN TO STAY WITH ME SHE HAS TO HAVE HELP24/7 FOR EVERYTHING! BUT I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR HER AND I WILL DO EVERYTHING I CAN TO SEE THAT SHE DOENT EVER FELL ALONE AGAIN. SO I DO UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FELL BUT THE DR. TOLD ME LAST WEEK SOMETIMES IT TAKES FOR ADDICTS TO SEE THAT THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO TRUELY CARES ADDICT OR NOT! IVE NEVER ONCE BLAMED HER FOR MY ADDICTION BUT I KNOW IN MY HEART SHE FELLS THE BLAME! SO IF I CAN BE THERE FOR HER IN THIS TRYING TIMES WELL THEN EVERYTHING HAPPENED THE WAY IT DID FOR THAT REASON. FOR ME TO STAY CLEAN AND TO HELP HER WANT TO GET CLEAN. DO ALL YOU CAN FOR HIM LOVE HIM, BE THERE FOR HIM, BUT MOST OF ALL NEVER,NEVER.NEVER GIVE UP!!!!! DO ALL YOU CAN AND ALL YOU ARE ABLE BUT HE IS GOING TO HAVE TO DO AS I DID AND WATCH THE COMPANY WE KEEP AND STAY AWAY FROM TEMTATION MAYBE YOU CAN GET HIM TO JOIN THE FORUM THE MORE SUPPORT THE BETTER,RIGHT? WHAT IS HE WILLING TO DO FOR HIMSELF AND FOR YOU ALSO? ARE BOTH OF YOU STILL USING TOGETER? READ MY POST I MADE EARIER CALLED FOR THOSE WHO STUGGLE BEST OF LUCK TO YOU YOU REALLY HAVE A KIND HEART! USE THE FORUM TOGETER!!! WE ARE HEAR FOR YOU JUST DONT BE AFRAID TO ASK   SINCERLY SHERRI AND GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE!!!!!

[Jjcv]

  Thank u all for trying to help.It´s so nice to see that u all care abaut the members in the comunity.
  I've been to meetings before, but latelly i´ve been so busy with work and trying to be there for my boyfriend that i almost don´t have time for my self.
  Maybe i expresed my self in the wrong way, but i am very aware that if my love doesn´t want to stop using i can´t make him!It took some time, but i realised (long time ago) that he has to do all the hard work to stay clean, i just think that he doesn´t/ shouldn´t go through it all alone.
   Sometimes i do feel like just leaving all this Weight behind, but them i stop and think abaut how nice things were before heavy using, and i just miss it and want to get my "old boyfriend" back!He used to make me so happy that i don´t wanna give up on him...

[addictedme]

Na.aa.counslers,this forum,,,none of these will help him unless hes willing to help himself. " NA doesnt work for him". Does that mean he tryed na,,did everything suggested including 90 meetings in 90 days,a sponser,worked the steps or does that mean he went to a couple of meetings,decided it wasnt working and used? If he doesnt do what the Dr.,na members or the people on the forum suggest then its him that doesnt work not the program he chose. You can actually judge his desire to quit by the effort he shows in working the program he chooses. If he chooses to use this forum and a week later doesnt know anyone in the forum or cant name screen names of a few members then hes likely not working the forum and not the forums not working for him. The best thing you can do is take wannas advice and attend a nar anon or narc anon meeting and learn that you cant help him unless you start with yourself,,gl

[wannabefree330]

I finally had to tell my husband (now ex) that I love him and support him however i can in getting sober and maintaining sobriety.  But,  I also told him my boundaries.  I told him I would not support him in using.  And that included him returning home after weeklong binges and him "promising" me it was the last time.  Eventually, I had to draw a line and not allow him to cross it.  I thought by being there for him when he came home, or after a long binge would eventually help him get sober.  But, it didn't.  It is something HE must do.  Stick around if he's willing to get help - even if it's just returning to AA/NA/CA meetings.  But if he isn't willing, then you HAVE to move on.  He is headed down a deadend road right now, and you have the choice to follow him, or take the fork that will allow your life to continue on....

[wannabefree330]

Addiction to any drug is a disease that effects more than just the user.  As malenurse has said, HE has to be the one who wants to quit.  Unfortunately, you cannot do anything to make him stop.what you can do, is help yourself.  Just like he will need treatment/meetings to treat his side, you must do what you can to treat your side of this.  I would strongly recommend going to Alanon.  these are meetings of people with friends/loved ones who are addicts and can give solid, awesome advice.  Feeling that you have to do something to either help him stop or keep him safe is a horrible role for you.  I have been there too.  But, you are being used and treated like no one should be.  Ask yourself this:  Do you love him enough to sit back and watch him commit a slow suicide?  Because that's exactly what you are doing.  If you cannot help him, help yourself and save yourself the pain and endless agony of trying to do something that is impossible.  We are here for you!

[malenurse57]

I gave up a wife and child also a military career to coke and alcohol in the late seventies and to some extent will always have regrets. I now have a wonderful relationship with that child however there may be a daughter in Florida that I have no real answer about. So until he comes to grips with this addiction and wants to be clean more than life itself nnothing is going to help him. God Bless.
"T"

[Jjcv]

you will never know how glad i am to hear from you(somebody).
We have such a beautyful love story,that i feel like i just can´t / Shouldn´t give up on him. His been an addict for almost 5 years now...once i left him becouse he didn´t stop using, but he didn´t even react to the hole situation.For 2 weeks he got worst and worst, so i had to go back to him to help and do something! Things were ok for sometime, but then it was down the hill again!
He used to go to NA meetings, and do therapy, but he says that it just doesn´t work for him...I just feel so lost sometimes, and don´t understand his addiction becouse he has all the suport sistem he needs to be ok, but steel goes back to the pipe.
I´m afraid to make him chose between me and the drug...he is so messed up  he has no clue of stuff, and i know that without me things will probably get worst.
Thanx so much for the atention.lots of kisses

[bandnmom]

i am sorry for what you are going threw. I have been one both sides of the fence when it pertains to addiction. I myself am an addict. My DOC is pills though. My parents are both addicts and growing up I was on your side of the fence. I will tell you this, i did the whole tough love thing and did the supportive thing and honestly the only way they are going to get and stay clean is if they really want it. You are young and you really have to start thinking about yourself now. Take a step back and look at your life. Is this really what you want for yourself? Like Cathy said, newmanagement is great. Really nice guy and i know he would be willing to talk to you. Good Luck to you and your boyfriend.

[cathy5841]

i am sorry you are having to go through this.  i have never done crack but i have used cocaine.  that is a mentally addicting drug.  one of our member, newmanagement, can really help you witht this.  look for his name in a post and send him a pm.  he will be on later today.  he battles with crack addiction everyday.  i will send him a note to look you up.  good luck to you and your boyfriend.

[malenurse57]

I really don't have the answers you are looking for, I wish I did because I hate to see or hear of someone as young as both of you are going through this. Sometomes tough love is the best, but it is terribly hard on both of you. You will have to let him know you love him but refuse to live this way any longer and mean it. You cannot in any way enable him any longer.  It is his mess and he has to clean it up, be supportive but he has to do the work.
  He will need to change his playground and playmates. NA and/or AA meetings everyday if possible and maybe more. He has to want to quit more than anything else if not he is going to lose you and everything else. My prayers are with you. God Bless.