some tough love

[swflafun]

Day 10 dawns. 2 hrs sleep as usual. :-( For those just starting or contemplating it: keep a journal! Mine starts with simply "Day 1". The insomnia was wicked last nite so I printed out a copy of my journal and grabbed 2 highlighter pens. Orange and green. Started hi liting the worst in orange (looks angry) and green (rather soothing to me). Ill b the first to admit, there ain't a whole lot green in my first few days. Sometimes only two lines: "Day 2" and 1"End of day 2"and a whole lot of angry orange in between. Really read what you wrote. How many tmes you wanted to die. How much agony you went thru to get thhat small victory of being able to put "End of day 2" because the small victories add up. This IS A WAR. Have zero doubts about that and you have to win the battles to win the war. As days pass, mine shows flashes of green. Slowly, sometimes agonizling slowly, green shows up more and more.....except for the deep dark nights when you can't sleep and the debate rages about " just one more pill". With any luck you will be able to look at and read what YOU did to get as far as you did and who in their right @#^%ing MIND would ever want just "one more pill"?
Best of luck to all.
Peace.

[swflafun]

IB - This is my outside support.:-)  more than anyone will ever realize. Day 10 (today) was by far the best. Miles and miles better.
It is a war to me guys n gals. Thanks! Ill b here for a while I bet.

[bird546]

Hello,
Cool post. It is a war. I'm on day 16, and each day gets a little bit better. I mean just a little like 15 minutes more sleep each night and a little less anxiety each day. It is a process that I have come to realize is going to take some time. A guy in a meeting last night told me that I can't think my way to clean living, I have got to live my way to clean thinking. I have thought about that quite a bit, and I believe he is right. I do have some good news for you, if you are not going to meetings, just go and see what happens, I'm not sure why they help, but I am sure they do. Believe me I am the last person in the world to be giving advise to anyone. But I really wanted to tell you this because it has helped me. Also if you can work out, it seems to speed the process along a bit. Not magically, but it helps. Along with suppliments, vitamins, etc. And melatonin in the evenings seems to bring sleep a little quicker and I seem to sleep deeper and longer. Again not magical, but it helps. Good luck and stay strong. Peace.

[ImDONENoMore]

It's true - being prepared for what might happen is really important.  Getting blindsided with some symptom can lead to hopelessness, frustration and possible relapse.  Expecting the worst, but hoping for the best, will keep you going.  Information about everything helped me.  So reading is a good thing to do now.  Get as much info as you can about what's happening to you.  And reading is a great distraction.  Helps you keep your mind busy and you're learning stuff along the way.  So it's a win-win.

Keep posting and listen to sara - Keep your Guard UP!!!  :)

[IBKleen]

swf, You are considering getting any outside support as you continue on your journey?

[dominosarah]

Just remember to always keep your Guard Up....this addiction is sly,cunning and baffling~~sara

[eyeofhorus2010]

You are so right. It's such a lopsided fight it reminds me of the movie "300" and once you've enjoined into the fray you can never stop swinging your sword and throwing up your shield.  To get to the other side of addiction you've got to be able to find that inner strength to keep fighting, and when you can't take anymore, you dig deep and fight some more. Never surrender to using again.  

Great post swflafun..good luck.