What I'm wondering is if I will be prolonging my agony if I take a few here and there to lessen withdrawls?
Tapering or cold turkey is an individual thing. You have to do what is best for you.
A few here and there is what got me here. More power to you if you have control over them. I never did.
I think with only the amount you have, well, I'm really not sure what you should do. You were taking such a large amount every day, I think the wd's will be pretty severe. On the other hand, under this kind of pressure you may not taper properly or take all of them. I just don't know.
Also, I'm bothered by the fact your husband doesn't know about the pills you have. I'm afraid for you if he finds out. He may not be so supportive. So, you've got a lot to think about...
Here's my solution: Get rid of the pills in front of your husband. It benefits you on many levels. Get with your doctor, tell him or her what you're doing and ask for support. There are a few comfort meds that could be prescribed for you and it's good to have a doctor overseeing this.
Just get the whole thing over with and go with a CT detox with the help of your doctor. Stay in touch!
Going by yesterdays post, I see you chose not to fess up, YET. If you decide to taper, you might consider a fast taper. Your husband is an addict and knows you should be getting sick real soon. He is going to know if you keep taking them, then what? If you cut back fast, you will be sick, but not as bad as if you go CT. Your family is more valuable than the best days of pill popping. I feel you need to take this decision up with your Higher Power. You admitted yesterday that you knew what was right.
I'm not talking down. I lied for years about my addiction, even to myself. I came so close to losing my family, that I just want to encourage you not to risk any more than you have to.
I remember sitting in the yard and praying. I knew I wanted to stop, but I didn't. I finally said goodbye to my pills. I had a conversation with them, which may sound weird. The pills kept saying, "You need me a little while longer, what about all the responsibilities you have, what if people treat you different when you ask for help, what if you lose your job?" I realized I was talking to myself into it, I had not let go of the "benefits of the pills." I had a farewell party in my heart and admitted that I had to do what it takes, or I will die alone. I was so honest in the rest of my affairs, asking for help and telling everyone the truth was scary, but made me feel complete after.