Tempted

[freshstart01]

I'm fighting the demon. Tempted to take 1 pill. Maybe 1 every other day . Just trying to justify. Don't want to, but I do. Is that normal. I have not caved. But need encouragement . Going on 6 days.

[CATUF]

"Lord give me strength, energy, and mental peace. Bless us all."  WHAT A GREAT PRAYER!  

I had initially been taught to pray something like "Lord please remove the obsession and compulsion to use . . . Lord please remove the obsession and compulsion to use" - over and over until the craving passed.  

It was suggested to me a bit later that praying for what I DIDN'T want was actually forcing that thing into my mind and therefore my life, much like praying "Lord, please don't let me think about that monkey on the couch . . . please don't let me think about that monkey on the couch . . . please don't let me think about that monkey on the couch."  Everytime repetition make me think of the monkey . . .  I came up with a prayer that is much like yours, for what I WANTED in my recovery, and found that it worked much better.

Punkinhead is so right on target.  I'm nowhere near strong enough to fight the beast of addiction and WIN 100% of the time and that's what's required , , , 100%.  Think about that . . . 100%.  The greatest athletes in the world can't do that . . . nobody can do that.

In recovery from addiction, the one who surrenders the most wins.  Conversly, whatever wee resist will persist and grow stronger.

Don't change your clean date, no matter what

CATUF
2214

[pancres]

have got down to1 pill at night and another in morning.I thought of stopping morning pill but
again i started to to feel edgy.How long before i can stop morning pill.? I have no support from anyone.  The pain in spine and legs is back but i dont want to increase the pills i want out of this nightmare. Your posts are very encouraging though.Thank you. My prayers for you all.pancres

[Punkinhead75]

My brain isn't well enough to fight this battle.  I will lose every time.  What works for me is just giving up.  Some folks call it surrender.  Surrender to win.  When I give up the fight goes away.  The inner turmoil is often replaced with some form of peace and then the desire to use gets less and less.  Please understand I am not saying to give up and use.  That's not it at all.  Give up and stay clean.

Take a moment to stop everything and find a place within yourself that knows using isn't the right thing.  Say a little prayer and ask for help.  Pick up the phone and call someone supportive.  Getting cleaned up isn't always easy.  It is always worth it.  You can do this.  You are doing Good so far just keep puttin one foot in front of the other.

[gnarly_1]

HI your still early on this is a process it takes time your going to have some bad days mixed in with the good the phyical symptoms should subside soon but then its the mental mindscrew we all have to fdeal with...life without pills as addicts we need to change the very way we think and reason to overcome or addiction I wish you all the best in your recovery but put some form of aftercare in the equation this is not a step that canbe skiped good luck and God bless......Gnarly  

[freshstart01]

Thank u all. Busy with 3 kids-  and work. Today was better, yesterday was horrible, tomorrow I'm gonna make it. Mind over matter, right? Stomach persists.and the  Runs.  Going on 7 day!
Acesmom--- I did a weird taper, but it worked for me. I actually had a surgery, lump removed. No cancer. So I had pills. Took up to 12 to 14 norco a day. Friday, I stopped. Sunday I took 3. Tuesday 3, Thursday 2. Then none. Been almost 7 days. Exercised, hot baths, stopped taking supplements except immodium . Because vomited for 2 days on day 3 and 4. Do what works for u. If u want to stop you will. Good luck god bless. It's a process, a change, adaptation to something new. Stay positive, or cry your eyes out. I did. Whatever you feel go with that feeling. God bless.
Kim

[tgtiffany]

Good job!!  Keep yourself busy with the kids and stay distracted, that will help :)

[acesmom]

Congrats on flushing the pill. I have a question how was your taper and how long. Im in the middle of trying to taper now. I was hoping it would help with the final wds. Do you think it does

[gnarly_1]

you did good flushing it .....it just would have made you feel horable and defeated if you took it those dam things have a hypnotic effect on us im 619 days clean and still cant be around them my wife has a torn rotor cuff and uses mabe 1 or 2 a day but we have an agreement out of sight out of mind she tryed keeping them in her night stand im like NOT GONA WORK
so she has them well stashed you would think after 6 1/2 yrs on methadone all kinds of aftercare it wouldn't bother me but theirs something about the pills in the orange bottle that triggers me ...I know my weakness addiction is cunning baffling and powerful you need to respect it and know your triggers you did well on your first test.....aftercare makes this a lot ezer ...its not full proof but its manged to keep me clean good luck and God bless........Gnarly  

[dominosarah]

Great job on flushing!!  That takes alot of strength~~

[freshstart01]

I didn't take it. I found and flushed the 1 pill. It was hard. I feel better today. Thanks for kind encouragement . It's true- not worth it. It's  a sick rollercoaster. Still nauseated. Ugh. Bit not as bad as yesterday. I would say my only lasting symptoms are nausea, stomach issues, soft stools, sometimes runs. And the mental battle.The other withdrawal symptoms are gone.No rls( hardly ) no creepy crawlies, noheadaches, just what I mentioned. Today is 6
day of straight clean days. I had weird taper. Slowed it down. But 6 days clean. Spending time
with children. Lord give me strength, energy, and mental peace. Bless us all. Kim.
Amen!

[dominosarah]

You are in control now, not your addiction.  Fight with everything you have now.  Get busy, turn the music on and play it loud.  The craving will pass.  You did good by coming here and posting.  Stay strong~~sara

[Bad_Obsession]

This has always been the worst time for me...after the initial motivation and momentum wears off, and the depression and fatigue really start to set in.  6-10 days or so...your mind really starts to play tricks on you....telling you that maybe you were happier when you were on pills...or that you were more productive and enjoyable on pills.  It's this dangerous time in a persons recovery when you  really find what you are made of....you will and strength is tested.  It's at this time when you really have to dig deep, and remember how bad you want this....you have to remember ALL of the reasons why you wanted to quit them in the first place.  It's at this time when your strength, willpower and determination are strained and questioned.  You  have to stay strong.  Please remember why you chose to do this...please remember the goals that you hoped to achieve.  You must  stay strong.
Do this for me.....sit and think about how you will feel after you take that pill.  Think  past the rush...or the high, or the "relief" that you think you will feel...think about tomorrow...think about the guilt.  Think about how the disapointment of thinking "well...I said I was gonna quit agian...and I didn't" will feel.  You  really have to think about  how you will feel PAST the initial rush...and high.  Really think about it.  You don't want to use....you know you don't. It's the addiction talking.  I really is.  I know it suck...sometimes I want nothing more than to pop 8 pills and get high...but the feeling of guilt and  resentment stop me from doing it.  I don't and wont feel like that in the morning because I fukked up again and used when I said I was gonna quit again.  You can do this....you can....just be strong.  

Are you going to aftercare?

[Sam20111966]

Don't feed the urge. I am at 4 days my back hurts like hell and my leg has burning sciatica.  They will have to pull my spine out and discs before I ever touch those life shattering pills.

It's just not worth how far you have come.....You are doing great post and tell us how you hate those pills and get rid of em....The mind issues suck however for you to get this far you are powerful......Get clean rooting loud for you.....

[overeasy]

Deep breaths hon.  I went through a bad spell yesterday but tonight I feel good.  I laughed and giggled harder than I have in years!!!!!  I had a blast just hanging with my husband and girls (instead of isolating).  Hang on, the ride is hard but just do it-  you won't regret it.

Overeasy- riding day 11

[ang_811]

I agree. It's def a mental battle. Ur justifying ur using. If u start out taking 1 pill every other day ur gonna loose control n b right back where u started. Lost n addiction. I'm an addict/alcoholic n know very well how I don't have control over any mind altering substance. U have to feel that n ur heart and know just how powerless u r. Keep posting 4 support. Don't give up now. It does get better.

[StupidSarah]

That's a great idea!
I decided to take 1 pill a day when I was off them for 6 months...
Worked great for about four hours.

Back to full use within days.

Not going to fall for that stupid thinkin again. (Notice my name? That's why I chose it)

[atthebeach]

kim,
you know in your heart of hearts you dont want to take another pill. it is time to stop this addiction madness now. you came here june 9th saying you want to be done with the pills. surgery, more pills. are you done now? are you willing to fight to regain your life?
you need to stand firm, if you have any pills that is just stupid, if you do flush them. you need to think positively. the pills cant continue to be your crutch. we are here for you but you are the one in control of your recovery. have you been going to counseling?
hun you have to get off the addiction train wreck. pray,pray and pray some more. the devil is a liar, dont listen to his lies.
debbie