tired of my wife and her addiction

[TinHead]

Hi all, just wondering if anyone has any advice for me as to what i can do with my wife. she has been prescribed percocets for over 2 years now for back pain but in the last 6 months she has become unbearable. i keep her pills locked in a case now because she was constantly running out 2 weeks before her next prescription, when she ran out she would spend hundreds buying them from drug dealers to make up for those she was short. before locking them in a case at her request i would hide them also at her request but if she found them she would dip into them every so often almost doubleing her daily dose and again run out early.

last month was a particularely bad month, i had the pills hidden in the basement, as usual she found them and by the time i realised she knew where they were she was allready a week short, of course she blamed this on me for not hiding them well enough. after watching her have withdrawel symptoms for 3 days i agreed that she could buy some but not with any of the grocery money, this time she would have to lose something of hers so she pawned her necklace and spent the $80 she got on pills then dipped into the food money without telling me, 2 days later she then pawned her engagement ring to buy more (this i didnt know about until a few days ago).

now the pills are locked away i have to listen to verbal abuse none stop, she always wants just one or two extra because she is really hurting and when she doesnt get her way immediatly she begins with the sympathy thing, then she moves onto anger and tells me how i dont love her because i let her sit in pain, then usually there are tears and she admits she has a problem and acts like she wants to really get off the pills but then soon after she is back to the anger and telling me she hates me. if i do give her what she wants i know its gonna cost us a lot of money or she is gonna be really hurting later on so i am only trying to help her, also if i did give them to her she would blame her running out on me giving them to her and decide as its my fault she should be allowed to spend all our money on more pills. i have talked to her alot about how this affects me and the children and i have explained to her how are marriage is falling to pieces because of these little white pills, at these times she gets upset and tells me she is sorry and she will never treat me like that again and will only ever take her 6 a day, but the next day she does the exact same thing. she is also completely un willing to try and end her dependency on the pills as she feels she needs them and has told me on a few occasions that if the choice were me or the drugs she would have choose the drugs because she needs them so badly.

basically i am tired of the lying, tired of the abuse, tired of struggling to feed the kids and pay the bills because she blows it all on drugs and tired of having a wife that looks like shes away with the fairys for the first two weeks of a month and then crying in pain for the second two weeks. and i also seriously think that shes not far away from prostituting herslef to get cash for pills. what can i do? does anyone have any advice that might help?

[gizzy32]

WOW, i``m sorry your going through all this, but you sound like such a strong man fighting to take care of your family. Today may be tough, but sticking to tough love and not giving in to her is what you need to do, which you are. Your wife needs some help, rehab, counselling, but it sounds like she does not want it.  I hate sounding negative, but things will not get better until something changes. An addict will not quit till they are ready, but i believe there are things you can do to speed that up. Would you consider and intervention for her. these can help an addict get treatment and help and open their eyes. It dosen`t always work but i think worth a shot because she is not quitting on her own. Wishing you the best of luck, and again im sorry, this must be so frustrating

[TinHead]

having her locked up has crossed my mind but i thought that might be difficult given that she buys the exact same pills as she is prescribed and transports them in her regular bottle, even if she were caught red handed with the pills there would be no reason to suspect she had bought them from a dealer rather than a pharmacy. the people she is buying from could also be a problem because they are all family members that sell alot of pills, she generally doesnt have much to do with that side of her family until she wants pills but the fact that they are family members gives her the perfect reason for visiting if she were caught leaving their houses.

i allready know im in for a bad day today, she crashed her car last night after falling asleep at the wheel  (nothing serious but enough for her to say her back and neck were hurting) she only gets 4 pills today and 2moro to make up for those she is short and given the extra pain she is gonna be feeling today she is deffinatly gonna want more than 4, probably even more than 6 but shes not getting them. that might sound a little cruel expecially given that she did crash into a ditch last night but i did warn her that if she gets into them and then hurts her back even more through the month she will have no extra pills to take, she got in them at the start of the month so she is gonna have to take responsibility for that by being in pain all day.

god i feel like im raising another toddler, i allready have a 2 year old that i have to teach these basic things to, like if you eat all the candy now you will have none later, seems like i am also having to teach a 35 year old woman the same thing, strangly the 2 year old is picking these lessons up faster than my wife.

[enemy48]

Tin Man~

You're doing great.  You're doing everything you can at the moment.  I'm glad you have control over the bottle..........I don't know how long that's been for, and who will pick up her next script?

As for stress causing cravings for pills..............well, you smoke cigarettes, right?  Does stress really cause you to have a nicotine fit, or does the drug in cigarettes call out to you in a stressful situation?  

I do know that pills do make you feel better temporarily, and falsely.  I used more when under difficult situations and dealing w/difficult people.  Why?  It numbed me.........and made me falsely feel happier.

Yes, tin man, the drug does have control.  Right now it was take only a drastic scare to get her to stop...........by that, I mean, like jail...health.....then I'm not really sure of that.  She has no fear of loosing you or the children, right?

Stay in touch.

[lady67]

I forgot to add something.  I know you said she would get mad that you were posting on here.  Does she get on the computer much?  If so, could you actually leave the site up so that when she sits down at the computer she will see it?  I don't know if that would work, I just am trying to think of ways that will help.

[lady67]

Getting you to hold them for her is a great thing, IF SHE IS READY TO QUIT.  Otherwise she is just going to guilt trip you into trying to feed her addiction.  She is going to have to wake up and take responsibility for her addiction.  I remember the he!! I gave my hubby when I wasn't ready to quit.  I never bought my drugs off the street, but you may have to threaten her with turning her in.  I know that sounds unreasonable, I mean who wants to call the cops on their spouse.  Think of it this way, if she was abusing your children you would do it.  Well, she is abusing herself and she need help.  She is jeopardizing your marriage and your family by doing this.  Maybe you could make arrangements with the cops to just scare her into rehab, I don't know.  I do know that it is going to be hard on you and the children as long as she is using.  

Since I stopped, I have seen such a wonderful change in my daughters.  Everyone is in a good mood and they don't walk on eggshells around me.  My hubby even told me that he doesn't worry every time his phone rings that it is someone telling him that something has happened to me.

I will be praying for you and your family.  I hope things work out for the best.

[kimmy2470]

hi. theres not much you can do. i ws going through the same thing you are. but its the other way around its my husband. you had my life story.when i mean had i mean i put him in jail. but he beat me because he ran out of pills. so god told me to call 911 because he beat me more than one time. i  knew it was his addiction so i had to save my kids from this mess. he would make me and my two baby boys to go with him to get pills off street. so i had to do something. i put him in jail. hes been in there since August 18, 2008 almost a month. he looks like a new man. he got saved. hes back himself again. but if i go back to him i could lose my kids for good. if you dont do something quick you might lose yours. i hate to say this but jail is the best thing you could do for u your wife and kids. do u want to lose them kids? of course not. jail is the best detox ever. she could live. my husband always complained about hurting too. but he had surgery on his back 7 months ago. the pain is gone. thats just an excuse to get pills to make me feel sorry for him and give in to him. put your foot down your the man of the house. do something now even if you think it bad. its really not. your saving her life marrage and kids! ask god for guidance.
hope what i say help you!
kimmy