will I ever get it right?

[trikkinikki]

Hi all, very new to group. I am feeling like ****. Took pills yesterday for no reason other than I had them. What the f**k is wrong with me... I have all the tools to get my life back and I run into this cave of despair. I agree to flush the little demon things...help!!!

[trikkinikki]

thanks for the message...You are absolutely right. Finding the cause of using is my goal right now...I have some ideas and have been reading all the literature on this and mental health. I will be better, I am better...There is a long road ahead but I do have support and love from my family. I am so grateful for this forum . My husband was the one who found it for me. Keep talking to me I need it...

[liscamdave]

It may not be all that easy to pinpoint why you are using. If you have the means to get counsling, then by all means, DO IT. Stay with this forum as it will also be a place to help you in getting and staying clean.

Addiction is hard and not easy to understand. We don't know why we let ourselves be consumed by these pills, and why we let them ruin our lives, but we do. You are no different or worse then most here, we have all tried to get clean and found a pill and took it, or went and got another script, or called our supplier...that is what we do. Until you are truly ready to quit, and you want to quit much rather then getting more pills, you will stop. It takes a while and for some, many many tries...but it will come to you. Support is huge in getting clean. Hopefully, you have some support at home. If not, like I said, you stay here and we will help as much as we can. I wish you all the best and welcome to Medhelp.

Lisa

[trikkinikki]

Thanks so much, Yesterday was tough. Im in school full time for my teaching degree...I know an old person going back to school...I'll be 40 before I'm done. Oh well...
I have been on percocets and morphine for a while. I had to meet with professors to arrange make up work...they looked at me with pity and disgust...two were cool and two were dicks. I went to my pain management doc and talked with him.,talk about being great. He was so proud of me but said to call HIM next time and he would help. He changed my meds to less of narcotic will get the name later...and started me on cymbalta. Going to therapy today. I feel better knowing where I stand in this process. I can overcome the pain. I broke my back 3 years ago...4 surgeries and daily awful pain. I was getting meds from anywhere at any cost...almost lost my marriage of 20 years...
He says I'm too cute to leave! :) I feel good today which is a miracle. I was driving home and shaking yesterday when I saw a sign for a bird viewing area...I went..in vegas that is an oxymoron...heat and birds go figure...anyway. There are 9 ponds and I walked around each of them...saw roadrunners..rattlesnakes...eagles...and qual...but I saw a butterfly that was good for me. I took pictures and got a spirit on  a couple...I will put them on my profile...Maybe God was there with me. rambling on is I...

[Justin88]

What type of pills are you taking? Keep the pills for now. You just can stop pills that you are addicted to just like a snap, what most will do is SNAP. Which I have before, and dont want to be around me when I do. So trikkinikki, I would to see a psychiatrist to get you on the right medications, or possibly off the med's. If you are in like suicide mode bro, I would goto the hospital if you have insuranced and money. cause they will give they best quick treastment until you can get real help brother or sister. God bless you. If you have need anything please let me know, I will do what I can. Please take care, not only you depend on you, the world needs you believe it or not. EVERY person has a talent and unhiddin talents. So believe in your self , and keep doing what your doin and talking with as many people you can that is going through what you are going through until you fill ready to move on to your career hopefully. Wish the best for you~

[cathy5841]

i have to say the most important thing for youis cut off all supplies to the drugs NOW...get rid of what you have...as an addict we cannot control taking the pills.  we take them, when we have them and when we dont we are consumed with getting them.  
I AGREE WITH OHWHATAMISTAKE, GET SOME SOUNSELLING AND FIND OUT WHY YOU USE...

[owhatamistake]

I would suggest speaking to a professional to find out what's going on....try to pin point the root cause of your using so that you can use the tools you have to get clean and stay clean.  I would say that there is a root cause that you have not yet become aware of.  Good luck!