tramadol - i'm dying :(

[summer_2010]

I have been addicted to Tramal for the past 2,5 years and I have decided to once and for all stop these horror pills. I took up to 400mg in one dose and later in the day I would take another 200-300mg..
Yesterday I took 350 and now I decided to stop these pills from hell. Instead I took some gabapentin and valerian root but I am not doing good at all.. The worst is a massive anxiety and tension I feel inside myself and I feel tempted to blow it out with valium but I don't want to swap addictions.. The tension is so bad that I feel like loosing my mind.. I can't afford going to a doctor so I guess I have to go through this on my own. As long as there's no pill supply around in my house.. I work in the medical field and have very easy access to trams without anybody even suspecting that i'm dealing with an addiction.
Please god help me!!!

[donewiththis951]

Summer:
           You are going to be ok. I had the excact problem with another drug and I went to the doctor and they helped me. I thought maybe they would say too bad your fault but they were really nice about it. I see you cant afford to go to the doctor so is there some kind of free clinic that you can go to? Someone else will share about this drug because they have experience with it. The other thing I would do is ask God for help even if you dont believe, just tell him this is bigger than you and you need his help. Warning on the Valium, detoxing off of that was the VERY worst I ever had to go through.....DWT951

[summer_2010]

thanks for your support and replying to my message. I feel it helps to be in this forum to distract myself.. still feeling like crap but the valerian root made me feel a bit better. thinking about taking some more of it instead of valium. I have never been addicted to valium and honestly what ive heard about the Withdrawals from it.. it sounds horrendous.
I am actually moving countries (moving back to my home country) and i think i'll get professional help over there. It would be nice to be clean once i go back home leaving my addiction behind therefore taking away a free therapy place wouldnt make too much sense as ill be gone from here soon anyway..
i'm trying to pack my things for the move but feel like i have no energy..
miserable day 1 :(

[donewiththis951]

You have to take the V for several days to get addicted and if you get real bad it may not be a bad option. I just know myself, I have two speeds, stop and go.  My doctor offered me another med to assist my taper and I turned that down. You do what you need to do and dont start knocking yourself around. (it's not helpful) I have a feling if you keep moving this day is gonna get much better. In case you didnt I said a prayer for you.

[IBKleen]

Summer, I am glad to see that you will be getting therapy once you arrive home. Please understand that there no geographical cure and moving will not fix the problem. So make sure you follow through on that and best of luck!!!

[theirmommie72]

i am right there with you.  taking low dose of hydro for first 5 days then tapering off that.  i used to be addicted to vics but stopped. been doing okay taking 3-4 hydros last couple days w/o wanting more.  no buzz either thank goodness.  funny, more afraid of the tram w/d than the vics.  i am kinda diggin the mind over matter stuff but i know the pain is there and very real.  trying to trick myself.  quite the actress i am doing this while taking care of 2 kids.  trying not to be too much the mean mommie.  my stomach is in knots.  i actually slept last night first time in awhile.  my son sleeps with me and is all over the place so i wake up alot during the night.  he kicks me in the head and pulls my hair with his feet.  my daughter would have a sh*t fit if she knew what i was doing.  shes a mouthy one that girl.  

one thing is i am soooo ready to be off of everything.  not to have to go grab my pills all throughout the day.  looking forward to that.  I wish you luck and know that i am right there in your shoes with ya.  talk to me if you want. i am a good listener.  

t~

[summer_2010]

i'm glad to hear you managed to recover with the help of professionals.. you can be so proud of yourself.
i didn't end up touching the valium (thanks to ur advice) which is right besides me in a box but i touch it only in case of emergencies if the valerian root doesn't work. The valerian 500mg pills have been my best friend and helper against anxieties today which besides depression is the worst effect of the withdrawals..
day one is almost over here and i am looking forward to put mysef and my imbalanced brain to rest for a few hours. thanks god i have no major sleeping problems

[summer_2010]

sound like you have having a rough time sleeping with your son being all over you. is there a way he can sleep with someone else for a few nights at least till you're better?
WE CAN DO THIS and WE WILL BE CLEAN OFF THESE PILLS!!!!
how are you feeling now?

the greatest help have been: Valerian root, taking walks and eating (which i try to keep balanced), indulging myself in things i used to love. i feel i lost my interest in a lot of things. i even stopped socializing.. for about 3 months i havent been meeting up with people because i am in such an emotional mess and feel anxious around people..
this is what the PILLS FROM HELL have done to me.. i used to be a very social person

[summer_2010]

i'm so happy i've made it over day 1.. this may not sound like a great achievement but for me it has been a hard piece of work. thank you so much to the inventors of valerian root!!! This herb has taken the edge of the anxieties i've been going through.
i used to struggle with a codeine addiction but for some reason I feel no cravings for it anymore.. it's the tramadol that is acting like a bucking bronco. i feel i really need to get off the pills i am taking.
every night i take 2 stilnoct but am tapering down slowly plus i am on lexapro 40mg (a kinda high dose)
who wants to challenge me to get off at least the tramal and stilnoct and decrease the lexapro to 10mg until the end of july? i so much feel i need to stop being dependant on medications

[theirmommie72]

hey.  i am okay i guess.  today has been rough.  nauseaus alot and very hungry but when i eat, i get stomach probs.  but i am starving. i need to get my son into his bed.  not just for now but always. lol  it's just me and the kids so noone to put him with unfortunately. i went to cvs earlier and had rubbery legs and was just out of it.  it did feel good to get outside though even if it was hella hot.  i do feel better when i move around but still tired doing so.  i took a nap today which felt okay. wasn't a deep sleep or anything. glad you are doing well.

i have to travel tomorrow though.  going about 1 1/2 hrs to the east to see my dad for fathers day.  not looking forward to that.  

[summer_2010]

good that you were able to take naps. they bring you over the day and even if you don't fall into a deep sleep.. it will get your mind off the tramadol.
ABout the food.. eat light things.. It is better if you cant eat than if you were binge eating.. so don't be too hard on yourself. if you can't eat, then just eat an apple or drink a glass of milk, something light.

Have a safe trip tomorrow and also this day will pass ;-)

i am about to go to bed now (its 22:23 here) and can celebrate my first day CLEAN without touching any tramadol woohoooooooooo

i feel kinda ok.. for the sleep i will take my stilnoct (which im also tapering down) and some valerian root. The worst times for me usually are the afternoon hours 13:00-18:00 but i got over it reasonably well.
Hope it won't be hell tomorrow as i'll be working...

[theirmommie72]

Awesome for you!!  Hope you sleep well. I am going to go get some prune juice and eat only lightly from now on. This hurts. good luck at work too. you will be okay. keep me posted.  

t~

[overeasy]

hey where o you get valerian root?

[summer_2010]

you can buy it in any pharmacy.. in my country they sell it in some supermarkets under the supplement/remedies section..
when you buy it make sure you buy it in a high dosage.. some tablets come with 50mg of valerian root.. you can buy i think up to 800mg tablets.

[theirmommie72]

not doing so well today.  i have to drive 1 1/2 hrs and my son just wont let me sit still.  this is not  going good.  i need someone to help me here at the house.  gonna have my friend come over and stay with me next week and help with my son.  he is 3 and all over the place.  relapsing is not an option because a:i have no money to buy them and b:the place i got them from are having a stock issue to my state.  this is why i had to stop when i did.  well, among other reasons.  been thinking about it for a long, long time.  i really need some encouragement right now and i know that is not ya'lls job but please help me with that when you can.  thanks.

[theirmommie72]

also, when do the initial stages of w/d stop with this crap?  i am on day 3.  i hate the bajiggity feeling. hate, hate, hate!!!!!

[summer_2010]

@ theirmommie: how are you feeling by now? What i find it that these intense bad feelings are worse in some hours than during other hours..It is very good that online pharmacies don't ship to your state.. this couldn't be better news!! It takes a certain pressure off you, at least you won't have a "choice" unless you proove to be very creative.. keep writing on here when you feel bad, the typing in itself and knowing others will read this is therapeutic in itself.

@everybody
had a rough day 2.. first of all I overslept.. woke up at 7.15 while I had to be at work at 8.45.. not really a big deal unless your place of work is 35 min drive away.. by some miracle i made it 5 minutes late only.. (by another miracle the cops didnt catch me speeding)
Most of the day I was being a b*** at work.. as a nurse I should be good with people however today I was really grumpy and was very impatient with people. I worked a shift in a hospital today over the nursing agency..
This 90 year old so sweet lady almost got the f word from me and there were several other horrible situations where I didn't treat people the way they deserve to be treated.. normally I am kind and patient.. where was this personality of mine today?
I was sweating so much and had a runny nose.. and was in a real low mood. a few times i went to the toilet an called my boyfriend almost in tears.. of course he noticed that i was different today however i can't tell him about my addiction problems..
the worst of the day was knowing that just a few steps away full boxes of tramal were calling me.. nobody would have noticed even if i removed 30 tablets and put it into my bag... imagine to be craving, sweaty, sick, depressed while the remedy sits right next to you but you don't allow yourself to touch it..

this is day 2 and it's nearly over..

[theirmommie72]

that is awesome that you had that temptation right there and did nothing. that means you are ready and serious. good job!!  can't say i would be able to do the same.  

this morning was bad for me but once i got to my parents house, i felt awesome.  don't know why.  no w/d at all.  but then i got back home and now i feel sick again.  not sure what is up with that.  maybe its my house.  this is where i took all the pills and there is an energy here or something.  tomorrow is day 4 and i am hoping that it will be a good one.  it had better be damit.  lol  

keep up the good work.  i could not imagine working on day 2.  you are a trooper, let me tell ya.  i look up to you.  

t~

[summer_2010]

p.s. with oversleeping i meant: i woke up at 7:15 and had to be at work at 7:45 (not 8:45)

glad to hear that the visit to your parents home hasnt been as negative as you thought. you are on day 4 today this means you are now more than half way through the withdrawals!!! You go girl!!

I had my car tested today and it didnt pass for the road worthiness cert,felt ok the first half of the day but then i started to feel tensed and anxious. I went on a spree at holland and Barrets after having read about the thomas receipe but i couldn't afford to buy all the amino acids separately, this stuff is expensive as hell!!
I bought a bottle of Gaba, a bittle of Ester C and another bottle of "Maximum strength amino 1500" The pills are huge and i can barely swallow them.. the dosage is much lower than in the recipe but i will take 4 tablets 3 times a day and this should be better than nothing.
Now i just got home and feel really tensed and anxious inside. This feeling is as if you are trapped inside yourself and can't get out.. a mild version of the feeling of being held under water and not being able to breath while you can see people walking by peacefully not noticing you.
day 3 in the tramadol rodeo.. it feel like it has been 10 days since i last touched that stuff

[summer_2010]

by the way.. even while i am at home i still have 30 pills of tramal in a box at home.. some people might think that this is crazy for a recovering addict but i feel this is easing my panic. Had a hell lot of cravings but when i look at these tablets i feel nauseated and sick in general. i hate them!
to increase the load on me i also quite rapidly decreased my lexapro from 40 to a more "normal" dose of 20mg..
it is stupid what im doing however i feel the valerian root absorbs this emotional shock of withdrawing..
i want to be off all pills once and for all!!! go to hell tramadol!!!!!!!!

[IBKleen]

Having pills around and attempting to recover is simply foolish. If you hate them, then get rid of them. You are going to find out the hard way just how much the disease of addiction is mental.

I wish you the best and hope it works out for you.

[saddy6]

Keep at this and keep fighting. Honestly the W/D's from Tramadol was by far the worst I experienced with anything so it's a very, very tough thing to do but very necessary. People think it's safe being a non-narcotic option but it's incredibly tough to come off of and you need to be careful. It was the worst for me up until Day 3 and that is when I finally was able to shake the restless leg and sleep a little bit but it seems everyone is different.

[summer_2010]

thank you for your encouraging words. only when one is in these shoes it becomes clear how much every single reply of encouragement means and how uplifting it can be.
im just about to finish day 3, so your words gave me hope.
i'm feeling extremely depressed right now, is it the w/d's from the tramadol? is it due to the fact that i am in an almost helpless situation relationshipwise where we both love each other so much but circumstances may force us to part ways?

i have nobody to talk to and feel the depression like a sharp pain in my body and my heart is racing..

god please save me from this

[summer_2010]

I am dying!! I feel so depressed and got brain zaps.. s*** i shouldn't have decreased the lexapro along with the trams.. tomorrow i'm back to work.. with loads of trams sitting in front of my face.. dear god, where are you?? I need you SO MUCH!!

[IBKleen]

If you really feel that you are dying, get yourself to the ER. this is nothing to fool around with.