Agoraphobia Community
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1374490 tn?1282027635

scary paranoia is ruining my life.

hi, so i don't really know how to start this question, or what to ask even but i just want to know why i think like this and how to fix it:

ive been having this escalading paranoia for the past few months that people are watching me, and not in a good way. i feel like there are hidden cameras everywhere just to watch me. when i'm in a car, for example and i look to cars driving beside me, i feel like they're only driving beside me to watch me or take a glimpse at my abnormalness. i feel like everyone knows about this, even my own family and best friend, and that they're just really good at hiding it. when i'm talking to someone in public and i see them look at something behind me, i feel like they're giving signals or making eye contact with someone who's there to watch me or supervise me for some reason. when i look in the mirror i feel like i look like ii'm not normal or im not a real person. when people talk to me, or when i'm in a group i feel like everything ppl do and say means something and its purpose has something to do with me. i know this paranoia sounds really stupid but no matter how much i try to stop thinking this way, it doesnt help. i always go to doctors to get checkups to see if maybe theres something wrong with me, and when they say tht im fine i don't believe them and i think that they're in on the whole thing as well. i know theres something wrong with me, i just can't seem to put my finger on it. i can't go anywhere out in public without feeling this way as if i'm being watched and examined. the way i walk, talk and even breath makes me think that its abnormal. i can't even go outside on my porch to have a cigarette without feeling like people are watching me through their windows or watching me while "walking their dogs". its gotten to the point where i feel like my own dog has a camera on him so ppl can watch me when no ones around. whenever i'm out in public alone, i get panic attacks because i feel like everyone around me purposely came there because they knew i was there and they have to come and watch me.

i know i sound really crazy right now, and maybe i am, but even when i tell someone what im feeling and they tell me tht im wrong, i dont believe them and i still dont. i feel like my family hacks my computer and monitors what i do on it and blocks all the webpages that have to do with me.

when i went to a club, as a was leaving the security was rushing some people out of there and i feel like they were rushed out because i was leaving and they needed to watch me.

i'm really scred and don't know what to do, if anyone knows anything about this or has an idea about whats going on in my mind then please help me, because i feel like i can't live like this anymore and that i'm never alone- NEVER.

(ps, if u want more info, check my profile and previous post or message me, i can use all the help i can get.)

thank you
7 Responses
990098 tn?1281433643
well, it sounds like you have a good grasp on reality...that you know that what  your thinking isn't correct. Have you ever gone to therapy, or seeked help from a phsyc. doctor, for mental health. I'm not calling you crazy in fact far from it, seeking help for panic and mental conditions is normal, if you felt chest pain you would go to the er, if your know your thinking patterns aren't correct, then seek professional help. I would like to know what you used in the past to stop this type of thinking or what you use currently to combat it. I hear you saying you don't go out, this is an unhealthy coping mechanism your not dealing with it, you hiding away, to try and reduce the panic and stress, I'm not calling you a coward, it's only natural to want to feel safe. But I would urge you to call or seek prof. help. but for the sake of this forum...I will offer any help I can..I went through a peroid in my life very similair where I thought everyone, even people I didn't know where some how watching me, but it turned out, they weren't but I did have some deep seeded fears that came out in this way....I'd love to try and help you...but I think, I need some more info..about how you deal with these feelings and what types of thoughts go through your head before you decide or feel people are watching you.
1374490 tn?1282027635
well, the thing is i know for a fact that its very VERY unlikely that my thoughts are true, but sometimes i just get so positive that they are and it really scares me and i feel like i'm trapped and any movement i make will be watched/examined/rediculed. its not that i think i'm crazy, its that i think that one day my paranoia will overcome my sense of reality to the point where i will never feel like these feelings are wrong. i saw a psychologist for a couple months, until a couple weeks ago when i told her all of this and had a psychotic meltdown equipped with delusions of cameras in her office watching me, accusing her of being "in" on it and having one of my biggest panic attacks of my life. she then referred me to the ER to get a referal for a psychiatrist and i have an appointment with him in early september.

and its not like i dont ever go out, i do and i try to convince myself that i'm normal but i  feel like everytime i go out, my thoughts just get worse and worse and more paranoid so now im just scared to go out. i feel like i AM a coward, and its okay if thats what u were saying because i really agree with you, and i just wish i believed more in myself to not be.

i dont know why i feel like people are watching me and mocking me behind my back, but i think it has something to do with the fact that i dont think i look normal and that i feel like every bone, muscle and body part in my body is awkward looking.

maybe my way in coping is doing more harm than good, but to help myself calm down, i like to research my symptoms on the internet so i could understand whats going on with me, but so far all i found that caught significance was Body Dysmorphic Disorder.

i just don't know what has triggered this paranoia, maybe a repressed memory from my childhood? or some sort of trauma? i did get hit by a car about a year and a half ago and i went through a nose job that i feel completely changed my face, even though i know it looks better than before, but if i know this then wy didnt i feel this way BEFORE the surgery?

i've added you to my friends list (you're my first!) , and i really apreciate all your help :) if theres anything u need help in, feel free to ask :) (even though you might not want help from a delusioned person :S )
990098 tn?1281433643
well, thanks for the reply. I don't think your crazy and I'm glad to hear you don't think so either. But I can sympathize with your fear of worrying that one day you may loose your mind. I have been there. These feeling of being rididucled are very interesting, in the fact, that these thoughts seem to come first and then you ratiionalize this fear with being watched. This builds your anxiety, to renforces the behavior, in my opinion. I'm not a doctor, so I can't tell you why, in a clinical aspect, but I can offer my advice. This would keep your er appt, and ask the doc about cognitive behavoiral therapy CBT. This may help you a lot, this helps you change the "way" think about certain situations...for example...everytime you get the feeling people are watching you, tell yourself, out loud if you can..."so what if people are watching me" or " I like the way I look"....when you feel the fear closing try holding your breath and then slowly letting it out..imagine breathing in peace and calm and blowing out your fears, try to hold it for at least 6 seconds..this really helps me. anytime you want to talk just hit me up.....hope this helps....
Avatar universal
From my own experiences, it seems it's not about the specifics of the thoughts, but rather about the general paranoia.  The thoughts are kind of your screened analytical way of explaining your bodily issues and how they are making your perceptions.  Also, when there are bodily issues, it makes your thoughts out of order.

Anxiety, depression, paranoia, etc. have been attributed to a magnesium deficiency.

In general, you should make sure you are eating nutritiously -- fruits, veggies, nuts, fish, healthy grains, etc.  Nutrition affects your body's balance of vitamins, minerals, hormones, neurotransmitters, etc.

Here's a review on Magnesium Taurate from Amazon's website:

"I began taking this product 3 weeks ago for Panic Attacks and Anxiety. After YEARS on various Prescription drugs I recently heard about the effects of Magnesium Taurate on Panic/Anxiety. So far I have cut back to half the dose of Zoloft (which I've taken for the past 4 years) and 75% LESS Clonazepam! Hoping to be prescription Rx free very soon! I'm extremely happy with this product and would suggest it highly."

Also, have a read over George Eby's website about his recovery from severe depression using magnesium taurate.
Avatar universal
I have social anxiety and it feel a little similar to what you are going through,i just feel like everyone is focusing on me except i don't get the thoughts that they are all spying on me i just feel like they are all watching me and are seeing how tensed and ocward i feel.I can only imagine what you are going through,what i have done was researched things on line about my condition and talk to several doctors since they all say different things,then i started taking medication,it helped but now it has trapped me and i feel even worse when i am not on it,plus it gave me lots off unwanted siede effects,but for some people its the only thing that can make them live their life normally and now i feel that thats the only way that i can live is to be on meads,its a scary thought but i am tired of being paranoid and afraide.Wish you luck in finding help!
Avatar universal
Interesting note I just came across on delusions:

"When we are struck with excess stress hormones we experience a fear response without an external source of fear. The mind will make up a story that will explain or rationalize the occurrence of this fear. ...."
By Jurriaan Plesman BA(Psych), Post Grad Dip Clin Nutr
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Avatar universal
Arlington, VA
675718 tn?1530036633
El Paso, TX
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