Wife has taken new step into drinking

[nitramroneedshelp]

Ok, I thought I would post this here as most of the posts are old and just needed somewhere to talk.  My wife and I have been married for 15 years and she has drank alot during the whole time we have been married, but never to the length of what it has become recently.

She only drinks wine and beer, but will never stop at just one drink, if the wine bottle opens the first glass will be a normal 8oz then the next is double, and the next the whole glass ( and this is not a small wine glass) until the bottle is gone.  Beer is the same way, open one drink it, then the next time its 2 beers in one big glass, until its 7 - 8 in one sitting.
lately she has been buying 2 32oz beers on friday and drinking between the time she gets home 3pm and the time I get home 5- 5:30 then drinking 2 or 3 more.  The reason I know what she has been doing is we have 12 year old son and 9 year old daughter who go with her everywhere, they tell me what she buys.

Over the last 2 weeks she has slowed down on the beer and wine, and she started carrying around a big jug called a "bubba keg"  which hold almost 40 oz of liquid, she said she is trying to start drink more water and less soda, and she has clear liquid with ice in it.

Well I should have known that it was not just water, last night night I was looking for some cables in my wifes and my closet and found hidden, two vokda bottle, one empty and the other half empty.  So this is her drinking more "water" it really scares me as this is a new step into drinking as she never touched hard liquor before.  I don't know what to do.  
Thanks for listen

[nitramroneedshelp]

I guess I was kind of denying it up to now,  at the beginning it was just drinking on the weekends, what I would call heavy (4 - 5 beers in one sitting, If I drink its only 1 or 2) but there was not getting staggering drunk, no getting sick from drinking.

It was not until about 4 years ago that the drinking had started to pick up.  Thats when I noticed that when we go somewhere for a xmas party or such, she would drink 2 - 3 glasses of wine or beer to everyones one.  She also started drinking to the point of being fall down drunk, and/or getting sick, this only happened on the weekends, not during the week.  Plus during this whole time I have been trying to get her to slow down or stop, but that just causes more arguments

About 2 years ago, the drinking stayed on the weekend, but she started hiding the bottles and started lying about what she was drinking,  thats when she started buying the 2 32oz bottles of beer, drink them before I would get home, and the drink one or two regular beers like she had only drank them. I started confronting her and it just caused more problems, more arguements, so I just let it go.  

Even with all this, she never touched hard liquor, in fact she said she hated it.  Thats what triggered this posting, I found empty vodka bottles in the closet and she was drinking all weekend and then into the week, she works at a school so they are now off for summer, and lying about not drinking anything.

I know I am not the perfect husband, I don't think anyone is.  But I do alot more than most of the husbands we know do, and I cook alot of the dinners, get the kids to their soccer games, never missed one unless I had to be at another game. Plus having to work everyday.  

So I guess after reading this again, I have just had enough and the vodka was a trigger point that was the straw that finally broke the camels back.  I don't want to put up with it anymore and don't think I have to.  
  

[rpooo]

It sounds like you have put together a good plan. I am really glad you asked for help rather than to allow this to continue as it was. Also I am happy to hear the her reaction to this was not drinking. Stopping drinking is very difficult for people. She might need your help and support as far as encouragement not to drink. Talking to her about AA. Life can be really hard at times and offering support to our loved ones is something we all do and need sometimes. Remember nobody is perfect not even you. Apparently you have allowed this to go on for your children’s entire lives. So if you don’t mind me asking, why now are you realizing change is needed? Did you really never think the drinking would get worse? I just want to make sure you understand parenting is 50/50 and so is marriage. So I’m not sure that just leaving her stranded around a bunch of people drunk is the way you should handle treating someone you love for 15 years. Lessons can be taught using more creative ways. For instance, tomorrow night is Friday, I would imagine she likes to tie one on for Friday nights. So attempt to make plans doing something for you and her before she has a chance to go off partying.

You both should be aware that stopping drinking without tapering down slowly be dangerous do to the with drawls from the alcohol. It can in some cases lead to death. I just up and stopped and I have heard of a few others  that have done that as well. You and her will need to monitor how she is feeling and for fever. Best wishes! Randy

[more0then0a0virus]

My opinion is that these are are good choices... Hope you do well and best of luck... If you had any problems, feel free to post here again. Someone will answer you... Bye...

[nitramroneedshelp]

Well last night was a strange night, there was no drinking and things in the house were actually calm.

My plan right now is just to take care of my kids, I am going to let her work it out on her own.  Me complaining about it and making comments about it has made it worst for the kids, I understand that now.  So protecting the kids is my main priority in this now.

But I have also decided also not to clean up after her anymore,  there will be no help if she gets drunk and falls down, or goes over to one of her friends house and gets too drunk and can't get home.  I will get the kids but will not take her home, let the people that gave her the stuff take care of her.  Its really the only thing I can do right now.

Thanks for all the support, I am a person who hates asking for help.  I feel I can handle everything myself, but realize this is beyond me now.

[more0then0a0virus]

        rpooo made some good points...

         I suggest you to keep talking to us... some of us(I don`t have so much experience, so I should say "them") have some ideas how to handle the situation...
        And when your wife become aware of her problem, suggest her to post on MedHelp. It maybe doesn`t seem that way for her, but talking is really useful... She could get some good suggestions how to stay sober... And then tell her that`s not humiliating, because she will just share her experience with others who survived that...
          Feel free to tell us what`s going on... We (I guess, or just I) would like to know how it`s going...
           And I will PM you now...

[rpooo]

Well said Ibizan and when he speaks with her about this she will respond with first anger but eventually understanding. It takes a good person to stay in a marriage for 15 years raising two children and a job. Thats alot of stress day after day and year after year. Hang in there my new friend it's like I mentioned, she knows deep down she's not right. Just be ready to answer her questions such as "what does it hurt?" or "why is it now a problem?" The best time to approach her with your issue will be when she is not drinking. Be thoughtful and sensitive to her feelings but also be firm about the drinking.