Pany attacks, school anxiety, spasmophilia

[Ananaschan]

Hello there,
So i'm in high school and my relation with school is awful. I'll just start from the beginning,
As a kid i would be the quiet child and i'd just follow around a bunch of people like a well-educated puppy (it was pretty pathetic). I am and was an introvert so i had difficulties having friends and talking in class (which i was EXTREMELY scared of). The thing i hated the most was orals.. i would cry so much and panic because of them. I was in a private catholic school and honestly didn't really believe in God and stuff like that. There i met my bestfriends, which i'm so grateful for meeting because i love them so much. (Especially one of them). Anyway, when i was 13, i was so anxious and insecure that i droped out of school (well kind of, i continued my studies via CNED which is a way to study at home). I was actually really tired and i believed i had a form of depression (which i still believe today) due to school which explains why i droped out. I would cry for days, shout at my mother and my sister and sometimes i'd be so broken i'd even think about suicide and all that dark stuff.. My father helped me a lot at that time and i managed to get into another school, which wasn't as great as the other one but whatever, it was the only thing i could do. There, i've been having good grades but i had, and still have, a tendency to miss school. And missed WAY too many days. Last year, i didn't realise what i was doing, i was just having fun and it was a great year.

This year is hell. I've had around no friends in my class so i'm quite lonely and i missed so many days of school. Since last month i've tried my best not to miss and it worked! I only missed one day. Obviously everything couldn't just work out... Last week i lost conciousness when i was doing sport. I got so scared, it never happened to me before and it was probably the worst experience of my life.. But what came after was even worse: panic attacks. I heard about them at the age of 13 when i was looking about depression and anxiety on the web to try and understand myself better. That same day, i had such an awful panic attack that they brought me to the Hospital. And now, it's been a week that i don't go to school anymore. I don't know what to do, i've been seeing many doctors to try and understand my problem and apparently i have spasmophilia which is a mental disorder due to anxiety and stuff. Basically, i feel like dying everytime i have a panic attack, i feel scared all the time and honestly i want to stay in my bed for the rest of the month.. My heart kinda hurts, my headaches are so strong that sometimes i feel as if i'm gonna lose consciousness again and apparently all of my pain are due to my anxiety my negative thoughts and stuff. It's like constantly fighting against your mind, nowadays, my mind is so empty that i'm dealing a bit better with the panic attacks, but i know i can't keep on being this way, i know i have to wake up and try harder. My mother tells me that my high school will "fire" me if i keep on staying home. I'm so so scared.. i don't know what to do anymore.. I have no motivation and this mental disorded is the worst.. I feel like i'm gonna be depressed again. I wish all of this never happened.. Whenever i miss school i get so frustrated at myself and guilty. My mother is fed up with me missing class and i feel like the whole world is against me. I just want a hug and comfort, i want people to tell me "it'll be fine" and stuff like that.. My mother just shouts at me because she worries too much and it clearly doesn't help my condition.

If you guys have any idea on how i can overcome this ****** condition, i'd really appreciate.. I really need help

[Paxiled]

You don't say why you lost consciousness, nor whether the headaches started after this or have been ongoing.  On your profile page you say you get migraines, but they are a specific kind of headache, not just any bad headache.  The missing class part is pretty simple -- you've decided not to go.  If you decide to go, you won't feel guilty about not going anymore, so that's completely in your control.  At 13, a lot of stuff happens that doesn't necessarily mean you'll still have those problems as an adult.  It's a time of great change hormonally and can be a very difficult time for lots of kids because of that.  Spasmophilia does seem to go along with anxiety, but it can also go along with a lack of certain nutrients, such as magnesium and potassium, which are electrolytes.  This can also cause headaches and blacking out.  Basically, I guess I'm saying that what you've said here seems to me to require an extremely thorough checkup with a doctor to see if there's any physiological thing going on, such as not getting sufficient nutrients or any number of things that are probably easy to fix but hard to find.  Until you do that, you have no idea if you have a mental disorder or not.  As for your depression, assuming as a 13 year old that's what it was instead of normal growing up pains which would have gone away if someone would have told you that, and your anxiety, you don't mention if anyone sent you to see a psychologist to get treatment.  What I can tell you is that avoiding school will just make things worse -- avoiding makes anxiety worse.  Now, some of us as adults who have tried everything and nothing worked end up avoiding because we didn't find any successful treatment, but you're really young and most likely some therapy will work if you apply yourself to it -- it does take work.  As for reassurance, telling you everything will be fine won't make it fine.  You don't want reassurance, really, you want to get back to being you.  Have your mother read this thread as people respond -- if she is in fact acting as you say, and we don't know what's really going on from out here in internet land, yelling at you isn't going to help.  You do have a problem, but either it's a physiological thing going on, such as a concussion -- you, again, didn't say why you blacked out -- or, if it's a mental problem it still needs action.  Good luck.

[Ananaschan]

My whole head hurts, a lot. i usually have migraines but they're much more worse since i lost consciousness. I might have blacked out because i was working out but the panic attacks are real. I'm not overreacting.
I didn't decide not to go. I want to go to school but when i go out i start freaking out. Yesterday i had a panic Attack on my way to school and came back home. It's not that i don't want to go. I know what's right and wrong, i know missing class is bad but my mind keeps telling me to stay home so i can relax. I'm 17 now, always been stressed all the time. I kinda guessed i had anxiety because the symptoms are close to what i'm dealing with. I've seen many doctors, telling me that i had Nothing physical to worry about but i might have spasmopholia. Whenever i had an appointment i would have a mini panic Attack before. i also feel really anxious whenever i'm out alone. i'm never comfortable around people, as if they're constantly judging me and stuff. I did do therapy when i was 13, i still do today, i have an appointment today and i'll explain everything to her. It's true that if Nothing had happened, if i didn't work out that day, maybe i'd just feel fine today. Since i'm french (and so is my mother) she won't understand any of this. In fact, explaining this condition in french is really hard, i'd much rather explain it in English. What really hurts is that no one in my family really care about my suffering. I'm just wasting their time and they keep complaining about how today was a stressful day etc. And i'm here with my anxiety, in my room just waiting because i know no one will understand. Whenever i complain about feeling unwell, they just think i'm trying to get attention.. i feel alone, which is why i'm talking to strangers on the web. It really is comfortable to talk about this to people who understand. Thank you so much for taking the time to answer. I might be too emotional. I know i need to go back to school, i'll try my best tomorrow.

[Paxiled]

Ask your psychologist if he or she thinks you might be at the point where you would benefit from medication.  What you're describing is budding agoraphobia.  Make sure your psychologist specializes in anxiety treatment -- most don't.