I masturbated at work due to anxiety.

[ocdcrazy123]

Hi. Please do not tell me I am gross. I already know that. I understand work is an inappropriate place to masturbate. And I would never masturbate at work just because I am horny - I can control myself. But not when it comes to anxiety.

Ok. I have OCD. Always have. And the other day I was feeling very anxious whilst at work because my OCD was going CRAZY. When I feel contaminated through germs (OCD), I become very anxious and get a tingling sensation - like I feel horny. My OCD resolved around me doing compulsions (hand-washing) to de-contaminate, so I do not orgasm due to this contamination.

I became so anxious at work the other day that I got a tingling sensation in my groin area (like always). Normally, I would be able to control myself. But this time, I just gave up. For some reason, I just got so, so, so anxious - I then moved my legs a bit on the chair, grinded a little and orgasmed. I kept doing this over and over again as my anxiety got worse - all day in fact. A few times I went to the bathroom to masturbate, too - because the anxiety would not go away. What makes it worse is that halfway through it all, I realised my skirt (which was slightly shorter than usual) had ridden up - so all that was pressed against the chair was my tights and a g-string. Although I knew this, I carried on because my body was feeling so anxious. When I have an anxiety attack I lose all interest in what is contaminating me/germs - then when the anxiety goes I panic again because I have contaminated myself.

Now I feel absolutely disgusting. I have anxiety everyday when I go to work, because when I look at my desk, I see germs everywhere. I can no longer sit in the seat.

My OCD is telling me that my vagina has touched the last man that was sitting there and that I was grinding on the chair because of him :(

I feel sick and so ill. My chest is tight, I feel tingly all over my body and my body is aching. I have felt like this for days.

Help me! What shall I do? :( I know I need professional help for my OCD..but in this situation, can anyone help me?

[tommy1234567]

@paxiled your a great person i just wanted to tell you that ive been going through reading alot of these posts an your on alot of them trying to help people out your an awesome person god bless you.. this world needs more people like you

[Paxiled]

I guess I disagree somewhat.  OCD is just another form of anxiety with a fancy name -- there are lots of forms of anxiety with fancy names, but they're all just anxiety disorders.  I know this website divides them up, but anxiety is anxiety.  So that's first.  Second, avoiding and giving in the OCD by changing the way you dress and using sanitizer (which is more toxic than the "germs" you're worrying about) is giving in.  The cognitive training for OCD, as with any anxiety problem, is to face it and not give in to it.  Now, that being said, you need an expert therapist to get you there and even then you might never get there.  The only thing I can do is get you to see "germs" as what they are, as opposed to your extreme fear of them.  It's just a colloquial term for microscopic organisms, some of which are very good for you and some of which are not.  Without these organisms, your immune system wouldn't function, your digestive system wouldn't function, and your mental state wouldn't function.  There's good microorganisms and toxic ones.  A strong immune system takes care of the bad ones most of the time.  As for your reaction in the office, did it work?  Did it relax you?  Probably it did, so why feel bad about it?  Until you find a treatment that works for you, be it therapy or medication or both, we all do what we can.  Try not to be hard on yourself.  It's an illness, and a hard one to beat.  I wish you the best of luck with it.

[RubyWitch]

First of all, nobody on this forum is EVER going to call you gross because you ARE NOT GROSS.
You have an illness and have found a way to deal with it which, as you said, is not exactly appropriate in the work place......but is NOT SICK!
You know you need to get into therapy to deal with your OCD and the anxiety it produces. Through therapy and possibly medication, you CAN control it.

In the meantime, when you feel your OCD getting out of control and BEFORE the tingling starts, leave your desk immediately and do whatever you have to to deal with the fear of contamination. Go wash your hands or use hand sanitizer, walk around the office, maybe talk to someone you know, like and trust. Perhaps that will make the tingling sensations stop.

You might also try wearing different clothes to work. Pants (if they are allowed) that are not tight in the crotch and I think forgoing the G-string panties for some regular cotton underwear may help. Bring some kind of cushion or soft pad to sit on rather than a hard chair. This might make the "grinding" not as satisfying. If rubbing your legs together is part of the problem, have a small pillow you could place between them. If anyone asks why you're putting a pillow there, you can claim you have leg cramps or arthritis or sciatica pain and the pillow helps.

But the best advise I can give you is to see your doctor for a complete physical and a referral to a good therapist and begin working on the OCD and anxiety as soon as possible.
Your life will only get better and easier.

You might also want to post over on the OCD Forum. Those of us on this forum can definitely relate to your anxiety, and the folks there know all about OCD. It helps to talk.

I wish you the best........and please stop thinking of yourself as disgusting and gross.
RubyWitch