Black Out Scare-Very Anxious

[Chance13]

I'm not sure where else to ask this because I think the end result is that I just can' t let this situation go because of my particular anxieties. I am very anxious about HIV. Not just getting it from sex but from everyday life, like public bathrooms and that weird spot on your pants that you're not sure where it came from.

The other night I was at my neighborhood brewery, right down the street from my house, my best friend used to work there, I know all the regulars. I stopped in for a beer after work and ended up drinking a few, and having a sizeable shot. I was happy, hadn't seen these people for awhile, got carried away in the moment. I talked to a friend on the phone while I was there, she was having a rough time and invited her down. She showed up about 3 hours after I had been there and we hung out, played pool, had a beer each. Now here is where it gets scary...

I woke up the next morning and couldn't remember how the night ended. Things started getting patchy right before my friend showed up, then I only have blips of memory. I don't remember paying, leaving, or driving home (really feel bad about driving).

Talked to my friend the next day and told her my fears. She said I didn't seem drunk, I wasn't stumbling, I was giving sound advice about her problems, I was fun, I didn't make an *** of myself or offend anyone. And apparently spoke great fluent Spanish to some other patrons. (Don't remember talking to these guys) She told me nothing bad had happened, that it was a pretty mellow night. She said the way the night had ended was that I had told her I needed to go home  and feed my cat, I paid my bill (with a rounded 15% tip), walked her to her car and that was it. She said she wasn't worried at all about letting me drive (and I live very close to the brewery). I also talked to my mom on the phone just before my friend arrived and she said I didn't sound drunk at all.

I woke up in my own bed with my pajama pants on (though I was still wearing my sweater). The door was locked from the inside, the car parked fine, and nothing really out of place.

What really scares me are my own imaginings of the worst case scenarios, namely that I somehow ended up having sex (i am female) and got HIV. I have a vivid, self destructive, imagination that really gets to me i situations like this because I start to believe these horrible thoughts. Then the "what ifs" start in. I had a dream about driving a car on a local highway so I started to think what if I had drove into the city and went drinking. But that isn't something I would do. Sleeping with people while I'm drunk and going to random bars by myself late at night is not in my nature.

Judging by my tab I didn't drink very much and I was buzzed but apparently not slurring or stumbling. I did not have dinner, so that could be a factor. But why did I black out? Could I have been slipped something? But if I had I believe I would have been acting very intoxicated. I had a hang over (it doesn't take much to make me hungover). But from what I've heard you pretty much know if you've been drugged (and this didn't even occur to me until 4 days after that night when someone planted the seed in my head and I got REALLY freaked out). It just seems strange that I would black out without even being very drunk. Though I have read that drinking on an empty stomach can increase one's chances of blacking out.

Sorry this is long winded. But please... am I just overthinking this? My mom, dad, and friend have all told me repeatedly that they weren't worried about this night in the least, that I should move on because nothing bad happened. I would love to hear from some other people that share the pain of anxiety. This worrying has me so exhausted.

[lonewolf07]

I meant fear of illness or something else that you might find difficult to deal with so you focus on HIV.  Most anxious people find a "disease" and fixate on it.  That isn't an insult, it just what some anxious people do.  If you read some of the other posts, you'll notice a lot of people fixate on some particular sickness.

[Chance13]

I know how people get the virus. My fears are not rational. I have never been able to figure out where this fear comes from. I don't know what you mean by "Do you think there might be some underlying reason for your anxiety that is not connected directly to HIV?"

I wish it were as easy as just getting tested in a few months. If I got tested for every time I thought I could have contracted HIV, I would get tested all the time! And I don't even have a risky life-style. I instead of indulging my fears I want to deal with them and not let them rule me. I had a friend with me at the end of the night and she said I was acting totally normal, she thought it would be entirely impossible that I was slipped something.  

[lonewolf07]

The only ways I know of that a person can get HIV is:  (1) exchange of body fluids, if one person has HIV himself/herself; (2) dirty needles and (3) from an HIV+ mother to her unborn child.

Do you think there might be some underlying reason for your anxiety that is not connected directly to HIV?

The blackout - possibly the "date rape" drug but based on what you've written, that seems unlikely.  Possibly a combination of drugs (even OTC drugs) and alcohol (even a small amount) would account for it.  People with anxiety often have difficulty remembering things.  That happens to me all the time.

If you are really concerned, go to the dr and get tested for HIV and tell him/her everything you've said here.