CONTINUATION OF LAST POST. READ PREVIOUS POST FIRST.

[squaretimes]

Then the grandchild moved into their house.  They tried to make him as comfortable as possible.  They made him a nice room with all the things that would make him happy.  They tried to show him how he could have a good future.  They tried to teach him to save his money and to have good work habits.  
The story is not over yet.  The end of the story really depends on what the young man wants for himself.  Does he want a good life or a life like his parents?  Will he do the right things or will he be like them?  Will he see that his grandparents love him and can give him a future or will he want to use them and once again betray them?  The end of the story is really up to him.
He holds the key to his future.  They can only hope and pray he wants a good life.
Now it is a year since this young man once again became part of his grandparent's life.
During that year he had to look after himself for four months because his grandparents went to Florida.  He got up very early every day and went to work.  He washed his own clothes, made his own meals and took public transportation every day.  He took really good care of everything his grandparents entrusted him with.
He saved all of his money during that year and never wasted anything.
He became a good driver and his grandparents gave him a car.  
He became very good friends with the children of his grandparent's best friends.  He built a wonderful relationship with them and they learned to love and trust him dearly.
He started to enjoy learning where he came from and where he is going.  He started reading books and became
religious.  
He showed his grandparents how they could and should trust him and they became very very proud of him once again. Everyone learned to love him again and to know what a wonderful, kind, intelligent and caring person he was.
His grandparents were so proud of him that when they talked about him they sometimes cried.  Their pride was so great.
His grandparents are looking forward to the next chapter in his life and can only pray that he continues to grow and know that he has a wonderful future and they are so proud of him.
This past year was one of his grandparent's Best Years and hopefully every New Year will be filled with the same pride for his accomplishments.
MAY 8TH, 2009
AFTER FOUR YEARS OF LIVING WITH HIS GRANDPARENTS HE SAVED HIS MONEY, WENT TO SCHOOL, WORKED HARD AND FOUND A LOVELY GIRL WHO HE HOPES WILL BE HIS FUTURE BRIDE.
IF THIS YOUNG MAN LEARNS ANYTHING IN LIFE I HOPE IT IS TO CARE FOR THE PEOPLE WHO CARED THE MOST FOR HIM AND GAVE HIM EVERY OPPORTUNITY THAT LIFE HAD TO OFFER.
ALTHOUGH HE IS LOVED AND CARED FOR BY TWO GRANDPARENTS WHO TOOK A LOT OF TIME AND EFFORT TO SHAPE HIS
LIFE AND SHOW HIM HOW MUCH POTENTIAL HE HAS, HE HAS NOT BEEN ABLE TO RETURN THE LOVE AND CARE THAT THE PUT INTO HIS CHILDHOOD AND HIS WHOLE LIFE.
IF THERE IS A GOOD G-D, HE WILL ONE DAY KNOW THAT WHEN YOU HAVE A GIFT OF WONDERFUL, CARING GRANDPARENTS WHO BROUGHT SO MUCH GOODNESS, KINDNESS, CARE, LOVE AND GAVE SO MUCH OF THEMSELVES THAT YOU NEED TO RETURN THAT TO THEM EVERYDAY OF YOUR LIFE.
YOU DO NOT NEGLECT THEM, YOU DO NOT TELL THEM THEY ARE CONTROLLING YOU, YOU CALL THEM DAILY, YOU REMEMBER THEM
ON THEIR BIRTHDAYS, FATHER’S DAY, MOTHER’S DAY AND MAKE EVERY DAY SPECIAL FOR THEM, AS THEY DID FOR YOU ALL OF YOUR LIFE.  YOU SHARE YOUR LIFE WITH THEM AS THEY SHARED THEIRS WITH YOU.  THE HOLIDAYS AND SPECIAL TIMES THEY GAVE TO
YOU SO UNSELFLESSLY, YOU RETURN TO THEM BY GIVING OF YOURSELF.  YOU GIVE BACK WHAT YOU RECEIVED ALL YOUR LIFE.
YOU REMEMBER ALL OF THE THINGS THEY DID IN ORDER FOR YOU TO HAVE A GOOD LIFE AND YOU RETURN THAT BY GIVING THEM YOUR RESPECT, TIME, CARE AND LOVE.  
MAY 2010    -Now this young man is married to a lovely girl.  At their wedding he had his parents give him away.
He is not in touch with his grandparents very often.  He says he is very busy with work and learning
to communicate with his new bride.  His grandfather was very ill recently and he was too busy to call
to find out how he was doing.  His grandmother left a message telling him his grandfather came through
his ordeal but he did not call back.   Also, he forgot to wish his grandfather Happy Birthday.  
His grandparents built him an apartment when he got married because they did not want him to have
the pressure of paying rent until he was making a better living.  They continue to try and make his life
better.
Does anyone know why this grandson does not give his grandparents the love they deserve?

[MrGreen]

At least they have that someone they will listen to. Just a shame they never listened to you before. I understand they gave him love and emotions and things like that. Stuff that money just can't buy. To have that taken from you and used against you. It is the one thing in life that can't be replaced. If anything comes from all of this it will something of a learning curve. That is all anybody can hope that they gained from this. Because it is true that they lost so much. But you tried. People don't want to see family members through bad eyes. They only want to see them through the eyes they look through in life. Try and make the person see as they see. Hear as they hear. But the grandson had already done that through his father's eyes. He saw life in a negative way. In a way were to gain you do whatever it takes. Hurting people is not an option. It is normal if you see it at an early age. Bit like the person in question seeing life through two pairs of eyes. But in one life there is no respect at all. You take what you can. You do as you want to do. The other life has rules. It has respect. It has love. The first life is far easier for the person. But he decides to use the second life too. In a bad way.

We can only hope the grandparents listen to you. They may life some talk theraphy. Or maybe even writing it all down. A letter to the grandson. Telling him exactly what he has done to them. But the twist to this is that they must then answer the letter as well. As if they were their own grandson. To explore what he might answer back to them.

I am sure they will learn to live again. They have a lot of love and friendship to give out. I only hope they find the right kind of people to give it to.

[squaretimes]

Thanks again for responding to this situation.  In 2005 when this grandchild moved
in with his grandparents I sent them an e-mail telling them to beware of him.  The following is what I said to them." I must say that XXXX's actions are pretty
incredulous too though.  He has also been burned so many times - god
knows why he protects his "father" and I use the word FATHER
very loosely.  Given the Father's exgirlfriend's  comments about him befriending you though
so he can "take you" -  I would still keep my guard up where
your grandson  is concerned (if I were you).  Not so much because he's a bad
kid or anything but clearly he is under some sort of bizarre influence
from his "father" or he would've ditched him by now as well.
  Be careful  - don't let love blind you to any warning signs.
I know you love him and want to "save" him but remember
that trying to save his Father cost you dearly.  I'm not saying that things
will go that way with your grandson - I certainly hope not - but keep your EYES
WIDE OPEN because he obviously has a low standard for himself of what
behaviour should be tolerated from someone who says they love you.  If
he has such a low standard for himself why wouldn't he have the same standard
for you? "
This is what I said to the grandparents then and they did not heed my words.
Their love for him is very very strong.  I know you think they have given him lots
of material things, but they also gave him their hearts, their trust, their love and
devotion.  There was a lot more to it than just money.  It wasn't all about cars, trips,
clothes, computers, Sony Playstations and money.  It was about showing him how
to make a good life for himself, honesty, trust, good friends and an education.  
I am certain after I have all my opinions together and I present them to these two
most wonderful people that they will finally see that whatever they do for this young
man, they are not getting what they deserve in return.
These are two of the most wonderful, caring, generous and loving people I know.
It hurts me for them because of the people they are.  I know they will listen to me
this time because the writing is on the wall with their grandson.  He is never going
to treat them nicely and they do not deserve to put under such stress and anxiety.

[mammo]

The grandson was shown much love and attention by his grandparents, which I'm sure did a lot of good. But he wanted the love and attention of his parents more than anything else in this world, and this he didn't get. This man is very fortunate to have had his grandparents in his life, but sadly doesn't see the value in it.  They are best to move on and enjoy their lives and those around them who do care. This man will one day see what all he had in his grandparents, but it will be too late.  A lesson learned....I hope.  The grandparents can have a clear conscience that they did all they could for this man.  But I have seen this over and over in families, and it just turns out that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.  Hopefully, one day this man will turn his life around and any morals the grandparents gave him will show up.  For now he has to live his life and they have to live theirs. The grandparents have to realize that this man was given every opportunity by them, along with unwavering love.  As painful as it is, they have to accept that it is what it is, and to accept that they did all they could.  I do hope this man realizes that anyone can make a baby but that doesn't make them a parent.

[MrGreen]

Why thank you Paxiled. Where's me walking stick.

The grandmother should know she done the right thing. She always done right. Never done wrong. But recognise the fact that the grandson was just a user. He was only in it all for himself. Once she accepts this fact she can begin to move on. What, to me, would be more damaging to her, would be trust. Could she ever trust anybody again? You give nearly a lifetime of trust away and see it thrown back at you and that you are been made a fool of. So if anything she has learned a lesson. All be it through a very hard way. Like I said earlier, to love is not to give items. To love is just to be there and listen. Be a friend to someone. If a person is a taker, materialistic, you should see the signs, and know they are not genuine. I am sure the grandmother has her beliefs. Be it in a god or whoever. Some path she can follow. But life is one long lesson. We are all forever learning. We take body blows. We learn from them. It is not a case of hating the person who has done us wrong. To hate is to harm yourself. Because you are the one with the feelings of hatred within yourself. The person you hate feels nothing at all. So to forgive is a stronger, better thing to do. But learn as you do forgive. Don't make those same mistakes again. No matter what, if you do make them again, you have nobody but yourself to blame. They should continue to live their lives. With the knowledge that they done right. Continue going from country to country. As was sais by Nursie, be there for each other. They have a strong bond together. A good life as one. And as one they should be able to overcome anything at all. After all the kid was out of their lives for long patches at a time. So it is just back to that senario once more. The kid, now an adult, is not part of their lives any more. Within they can continue to love him. But they should have a line by now. One he no longer crosses. And with any luck they will live happily ever after.

[Paxiled]

And Mr. Green's body may be 40, though I never knew his age, but his soul is ageless.

[Paxiled]

We are only getting one side of the story here.  It's a work of fiction.  I should know, fiction is what I do.  Life is way more complicated than the nice short story here.  When the novel comes out, you'll know more of the whys and whats.  In the meantime, love for your own sake, not for the reward, because as we all learn the hard way, there often isn't any external reward for what we see as our good deeds.

[nursegirl6572]

How should they deal with the anxiety and disappointment? Turn to each other and appreciate what they have in life, and in each other...and in the people in their lives that DO appreciate them. I agree with Mr. Green too, that the g-son is a "taker" and will just keep continuing to take without regard to the g-parents feelings.  They need to stop giving at this point. He is an adult and must make his own destiny.

The g-parents sound like generous sweet people....they should simply enjoy life and the people around them that appreciate them for who they are. Nothing is going to make the g-son change unfortunately.

[squaretimes]

Thanks again for your reply.  I will ask you a question.  How do you think the
Grandparents should deal with the anxiety, stress and pain?  They do have a
wonderful life together, have very dear friends, have travelled to 68 countries and
are still going strong.  This is difficult for them, especially for the Grandmother.
BTW, you are very wise for someone 40 years old.

[MrGreen]

It just didn't ask sure fire question about anxiety. Most times we get posts and they have a direct anxiety question. Of course the grandparents would feel a lot of stress and tension and it would be horrible for them. I guess I was looking for a question come the end of the two long posts. It is the grandparents I would only feel sorry for. They were stung big time.

[squaretimes]

To answer you question......what the heck this has to do with anxiety??
There is a lot of anxiety on the part of the disappointed and hurt grandparents.
You think this situation does not bring anxiety to them?
Thanks for your reply.  It was very articulate and offered lots of insight
into this sad situation.  Your opinions are greatly appreciated.

[MrGreen]

An honest answer? Monkey see, monkey do. He had a pair of idiots as parents. Who showed him no love at all. No love when he needed it most of all. At a young age. That is when most of our learning is done. What he learned from those around him as a young kid was how to take advantage of situations. Make the most of what he could when and were it presented itself. That you don't need to show love to take. That is not important. So he is just carrying the family flame. Screw whoever at whatever cost. And he will continue to do so until he sees the errors of his ways. It is not something that others can point out to him. We saw people trying their best to show him right from wrong all his growing life and it done no good at all. Changes have to be made by the person because they want to change. Not because others want them to change. It has to come from within them. The grandparents should be felt sorry for. They were the real victims of this story. True genuine people. We could all say we feel sorry for the kid because of his parents. But that would be wrong. He is not a kid any more. Any Joe Soap can tell you what is right and what is wrong. He obviously doesn't want to do what is right. So will continue to wrong. And I wouldn't feel anyway sorry for him at all. You build your own bridges in life. Walk your own footsteps. He had a chance at both ways of living. He selected his path. Until he selects another path he will forever walk the same path. Doing the exact same things. As a child he knew no love. So now he feels he feels he owes no love to anybody. What he saw from the grandparents was what I would call a window. An oppurtunity. And he took it. Not to change his ways. But to get whatever he could for nothing and not have to give back. The thing is ' how will one ever know if he has ever really changed '? I wouldn't trust the fecker as far as I could throw him. Not after all that he has done in the past. Once bitten twice shy. Only this was more than once. A lot of trust was handed to him. He misused it. Every single time. So he called tomorrow and said ' I am a changed man ', I would not believe him. No matter what he done to try and show me. As he has conned his way along like that throughout his life. I would talk to him. But make him no offers at all. Give him nothing at all. Make sure he has nothing to take. Only then will we see how genuine he really is. When he is not been handed things for nothing. Love is within. It is not all about gifts and money. It is a part of us all. And the thing that baffles me most of all is what the heck this has to do with anxiety?

[29sillygirl]

In my life I have experienced what you describe.  Rather than let it depress and anger me, I just hoped the child who was given great love would one day give the same to another human being.  Love is not always reciprocated, but I have to believe it is the greatest of gifts and will manifest in another way further down the line.

Love given freely with no expectations is a blessing.  For those who give especially. If it seems son is ungrateful, be patient.  It will sooner or later move him to good.

[nursegirl6572]

To be honest, it sounds as though the grandson is selfish and unappreciative of all the grandparents did for him and continue to do for him, and that is so very sad.  I can't imagine the hurt the grandparents feel over not having love and appreciation recipracated after all they've done.  Maybe, if anything, they can simply take pride and solace that despite his lack of showing love and appreciation, he turned out to be a productive member of society who is responsible and starting to build his life in a positive way...which no doubt that would not have happened if they grandparents hadn't loved and supported him unconditionally.  They should be able to reap the rewards of their hard work and dedication, but sadly, you cannot make someone reciprocate the love and caring one exhibits.  I wish it weren't the case, but again...they can be proud that they had a direct influence on how his life turned out...and that is amazing.