Child anxiety

[JJ4457]

I have a 9 year old daughter that has bad anxiety proplems. She developed it when she was around 6 when she started school and it has seemed to progress throughout the years. She has always been a nervous child and almost seems to have a touch of ocd. She has had really bad problems with spending the night away from home. She has tried a couple of times with the end result of my wife or I picking her up in the middle of the night. She tried it again last night and she was stressed out and crying per the phone call form the parent of the home she was staying at. She had my wifes cell phone and I tried the approach that I would stay up with her texting back and forth until she fell asleep but then after 2 hours of texting I still had to pick her up. I have tried encouraging her and have been very supportive and have tried not to make her feel bad about the whole situation but 'm at my whits in on this. She also has bad anxiety in school when ever she has a timed test or any pressure situation, She is not a shy kid and has several friends, she does gymnastics and swimming and perfroms in front of large groups of people without a problem so I am noit sure where this is coming from. Can anyone give me advice how to fix this problem.

Thank You,
Jeremy

[RubyWitch]

First you absolutely need to get it out of YOUR mind that there is anything "embarrassing" about seeking therapy, be it for yourself or your child. If YOU feel that way, she will pick up on those feelings, I can pretty much promise you that if she is 9 years old. Kids have some bizarre radar that lets them know when their parents are feeling "wonky" about something. You DO continue by saying that therapy will be the best course of action, so I will save any further attitude bashing.
And besides, it is absolutely nobodies business except your families to know where or why your daughter is going anywhere!
Child psychiatrists make sessions fun and relaxing while getting to the root cause of their anxieties. I highly doubt she will find the experience embarrassing and may freely talk about it with her friends. This is where YOU must absolutely keep any of YOUR issues to yourself. Her friends may ask questions she is unable to answer and may turn to you for help. This is the point where you most need to be careful. Keep your answers short and positive and "age appropriate" for HER to understand. Don't start stuttering and stammering about OCD or seperation anxiety and getting into lengthy adult level expalanations. I am just writing this "off the cuff" and really think the far wiser approach is to ask her therapist how to handle any questions she may have.
She'll be just fine! She has great parents!
Please let us know how she's doing, OK?
Peace
Greenlydia



I couldn't agree more that this course of action is exactly what she needs.        

[JJ4457]

Thank you for the response. We did take her to a theripist about 2 years ago because she was having horrible trouble sleeping and it helped but I just didn't want to take her back because I dont want her to be embarressed about seeing a theripist but I think that is going to be the best course of action to help her get better.

Thanks again

[RubyWitch]

I think your daughter is experiencing "seperation anxiety." A classic symptom is not being able to spend the night away from home. I'm very happy to hear that you are supportive and obviously have gone out of your way to not make her feel bad about this. I can also understand the feeling of being at your wits end.
You state that " She has always been a nervous child and almost seems to have a touch of ocd." Have you taken her to the pediatrician for an evaluation of what you suspect? If not, I strongly urge you to do that. If she does have OCD, that might very well explain her performance in school. That she is not shy, has friends, is involved in sports and has no difficulty performing in front of groups of people certainly makes her very healthy emotionally in many important areas.
There is absolutely no doubt that you and your wife love your daughter and are willing to do whatever it takes to help her. Right now, in my humble and non-medical opinion, I think she needs a thorough medical check up to rule out any organic reasons for her behavior and if none are found, then a referral to a CHILD psychiatrist is in order.
With the correct treatment, and your continued love and support, your daughter will be just fine.
Peace
Greenlydia