Thanks oldie, others have suggested the same. My Profs and colleagues have suggested clinical evaluation since as early as I can remember, but I was a stubborn student and am now basically unmotivated. I appreciate the reality check, and will bear in mind.
iNotKraZY: It is scary, especially when evidence consistently suggests I cannot rely on even myself. I have begun packing; it’s just a matter of booking a moving truck (need to find a service kosher with a 4-day heads up at this point, yikes) and getting my funds together. I hope you are right about the healing process. There are certainly identifiable factors that are making me extremely nervous about the notion of leaving, and I have addressed some of these with my family, but there are others I’m afraid I need to “let go” of, lest there be some kind of immediate cataclysmic fallout prior to my departure from the household. It’s been tough, but this is exactly the thing; rather than have some kind of explosive tantrum I just tend to sink into a mopey stasis for unacceptably long periods of time.
I’ve also had a recent, quiet fallout with my social group, whom have been my only strong support system besides my Mum for the better half of a decade. But I will stay connected with my family as much as possible.
Thanks. Here’s to small steps.
Moving out and leaving your family (mum) for the fist time can be scary. Have you begun packing up your stuff? Sometimes starting that and getting rid of old clutter can be very healing and motivating. I'm concerned about the unidentified disorders and hope you can find some answers and support with it. Take a shower and do some small act that moves you in the direction you want to go in. Is there something in particular, that you can identify, that holds you back? Make sure when you move you take it slow and stay connected to your mum or other social support.
maybe leaving the nest is just what you need. Just bear in mind also that you haven't seen a doc yet and one visit maychange to whole picture too. Meantime you must not let yourself go to pieces when you have alternatives out there waiting for you.