Fear, paranoia and distrust of people in general

[need2behealthy]

I am extremely introverted and almost always keep to myself unless I absolutely have to go out in public. When I was younger I was a little more "outgoing" but over the years I have developed severe Social Anxiety to the point where I have practically lived like a hermit for the last 15 years (not always fun!).

I am writing today to find out if people and their attitudes have changed over the last 20 years or if it's "just me". I suffered from ADHD as a child and was put on Ritalin. I had a lot of developmental and behavioural issues as well. I currently have Tourette's Syndrome, Bipolar Disorder, GAD, Panic Disorder and occasional bouts of depression. I have known for ages that I was "different" from other people. In fact, I've had a lot of people tell me that and people always ignore me, treat me differently or act like they don't like me within only a few minutes of meeting me. I hate it and have never been able to figure out why.

I was always the kid standing at the far end of the playground shuffling his feet and staring down at the ground while the other kids were playing and having fun. If I was waiting in a Doctor's office and someone tried to start a conversation with me I would pretend to be asleep. I am very socially awkward and tend to avoid people but I am ALWAYS very polite and respectful to people.

Recently, I made an attempt to get out more. I did some shopping, went out here and there and it only served to reinforce my social anxiety and make it even worse. Here's why...

I asked the Pharmacist at one place where I could find talcum powder and he practically shouted at me "over there!". He even had a stern look on his face. So I went looking for the powder and couldn't find it so I went back to him and apologized and asked him where it was again and he got really mad and said "I told you it is over there!". He was really grumpy and scowling at me. Even when I thanked him, he never even said "your welcome".

Then, I went out again and I was standing there in the isle and I heard someone behind me say in a gruff voice "your in my way!". Not "excuse me sir" or "pardon me". I turned to look and there was this great big guy behind me so I said "pardon me" and moved to one side. He just said "your fine" (again, gruff voice) and walked off.

My next trip out, I was standing in line and there was some other great big guy behind me. The person directly in front of me was taking forever so another cashier opened a lane up and the guy behind me in a really loud, rude and pushy voice said "sir, the other line opened up...SIR!!...THE OTHER LINE IS OPEN!!...S-I-R!!!!!". I looked around and he got even louder and more forceful. He was right behind me and practically yelling in my ear. Very confrontational. Then, I moved to the other line and heard him mumble something.

Then, I've opened the door for people and had them just walk in without saying "thank you". A few times people have just given me a dirty look and one guy even said "I don't need you to open the door for me!". Also, I've had waiters and waitresses slam down my change and give me dirty looks, people make rude comments, etc.

So I wonder, is just people these days or is it something I'm doing wrong to be treated like this?. Am I just a human doormat?. Were all of these people just having a bad day?. I'm a very small, older fellow and also disabled so I'm not about to start a confrontation or even say anything so I just end up not saying anything at all and take the abuse from other people but it sure doesn't help me with my social anxiety or build my self-confidence when people treat you this way.

So, I'm just wondering if this is just a sign of the times or if people are especially angry these days or if I just look like someone to beat up on and abuse. Anyone else ever get treated this way?. Thanks for your input!.

[RubyWitch]

I'm glad that mammo and I were able to lift your spirits, if only a little.

I don't believe that the fundamental nature of people has changed........but as we talked about, the economy has taken a huge and frightening toll on so many people, and that can, does and has turned into unbearable stress for many.

These are very difficult times and I think we all have to try and be just a little more forgiving, more empathetic for the horrible struggles people are dealing with right now. And I think it's important that we not take a persons rudeness or the lack of a smile or kind word personally. After all, we have no idea what kind of hell they may be trying to cope with.
Finding it in ourselves to offer a smile, even if we ourselves are not feeling particularly friendly, will pay itself forward..................

I think we can all recall, what for us, were "kinder, gentler times." I don't think they are gone forever. In fact, I don't think they're gone at all. I think for many of us we just have so many worries, so much stress, we are afraid to slow down and look............

We have you and you have us and all of us have all of them...............this is like the LOVE BOAT!
Let's all sail away for a bit, OK?
We are always here, write anytime you want or need to.  
Peace
Greenlydia

[need2behealthy]

Thanks so much for all of the kind and friendly replies and good advice. It made me feel a lot better!.

I think you folks are right. People these days are just so stressed, overworked and have various personal issues going on in their lives at any given time. The same person who yesterday might have smiled at you and shook your hand could just as easily snap at you today. You meet so many personalities out there too and everyone is so different. I have often met people who I swore were real-life angels and also people who I believed were put on earth just to make life miserable for everyone else.

I can remember a kindler and gentler time when everyone seemed so friendly. Lots of smiling, very polite and respectful. I sure wish we were back in those days again but hey, I'm here and you folks are really nice and friendly so I guess it's all good after all :)

[mammo]

You've been given some great advice by greenlydia and there's little I can add to it.  But just know that some people walk around with a chip on their shoulder just looking to attack someone, but they are the ones with a problem not you!  That pharmacist should have been reported, his actions were very unprofessional!  When you get treated rudely anywhere, always ask to see the manager because nobody deserves that kind of treatment.  The man standing behind you in line making a big deal out of another line opening up should have been told "thank you, but why don't you go over there".  There is a lot of rudeness but just know that we're all experiencing it and never feel like it's you because it's not, it's just rude people.  Try not to let them stop you from getting out an enjoying life, if nothing else, kill them with kindness.  When they've been rude say "and you have a nice day too."  Trust me it will make them think twice about what they said or did.  I have noticed too that when I hold the door for people few ever say "thank you" but that's okay because you're doing the right thing and are the better person.  I think that often people are dealing with a lot in their own lives and maybe by me holding the door for them or smiling and saying "hi" may not get a response from them, but they saw that someone noticed them and it may make their day.  Try not to turn it around to be you...it's not.  It's the world we live in.  We're always here for you, keep getting out and just don't take things personally...enjoy yourself no matter what.  Take care.

[RubyWitch]

I am so sorry that circumstances beyond your control have caused you to become extremely introverted, essentially agoraphobic and have caused people to treat you in unspeakable ways.

The most important question I can ask you is "are you receiving ANY help for your various disorders?"

I absolutely do NOT mean what I'm about to ask as cruel, but are you even aware that there IS help out for each and everyone of those disorders?

If it helps even a little, I would tend to agree with you that people HAVE changed over the past 20 years. Not everyone, of course, there are still millions of kind, caring and compassionate people out there. But there does seem to be more rude people roaming around.

But I really hate to hear how you are treated by someone like your pharmacist. That was totally uncalled for and very unprofessional. If he had treated me like that, I would have reported him to the manager! So please don't think his nasty attitude was YOUR fault. He is the one with the problem!

Looking over your list of issues you are struggling to deal with, it's quite overwhelming. You also state that you are a "small, older fellow and also disabled."

You should be proud of yourself for having kept up as positive an attitude as you have all these years.

But I'd really like to see you get some help so you can feel free to get out much more and while you're out there, not let ANYONE treat you like a door mat!

Do you have a regular doctor? If so, please make an appointment with him and discuss ALL of these issues you've brought up here. Not only are there medications that will help you, but having your doctor referr you to a good psychiatrist or psychologist will be the start of a brand new and much happier life for you.

There are also support groups you could join that will help you with many, if not all, of your issues. And nobody there is going to treat you like the people in the store!

I know this will not be an easy step for you, it's not easy for any of us who need help to reach out. But you have let other people take enough of your life away...........it's time to tell them to STOP and I know you're strong enough to do it!

Please keep writing to us, OK? We'll be here for you every step of the way.
Peace
Greenlydia