Do I have an eating disorder or other problem?

[mfaust715]

I am a 21 year old female. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I started Cymbalta about 4-5 months ago. This combined with clonazepam has completely countered my anxiety and depression. I no longer have panic attacks and have low anxiety, and very very rarely do I feel depression. When I started the medication, I was at 127 lbs. I am a very short girl (5' 1.5"). The Cymbalta made me want to start doing things again, like exercising and being productive in general. I had been very unhappy with my weight and started cutting back on calories and I now exercise every day. I make certain to get my recommended 10,000 steps, at least on weekdays. Most weekends I shoot for 5,000. I have kept this up and my goal weight was 110 lbs. I got there and was still unhappy so I made my goal weight 107 lbs. Today, I am at 106 lbs. My BMI is 19.8 and my body fat is at 15.64%. But, I look in the mirror and am still unhappy. All I see is fat. I even feel that clothes don't look good on me because my stomach is too big or something along those lines (this is the part of myself that I obsess over).

However, I'm not starving myself or anything. I tend to get hungry often, but usually ignore it as I have myself on a strict time schedule for eating. I generally have a bowl of oatmeal (1/2 cup with about 1/4 cup milk) with cinnamon and sugar or cranberry sauce for breakfast. I then eat a fiber bar at 1:30, a pb&j at 4:30, and a serving of pasta (56 g before cooking) with a cut up chicken strip in it and an apple on the side for dinner at 7:00. I also have a granola bar on my way home from work at 10:30. On the weekends, however, I typically eat too much. I will eat multiple large meals. Last week, I even ate 2 full pans of 6 cookies each. I tell myself I won't binge eat on the weekends but I inevitably always do.

Do I even have a problem, or is this normal? Do I have an eating disorder, or am I on the path of possibly having one? I would just like to know so that maybe I can change some things in my life. However, part of me wants to keep losing weight since I'm unhappy with how I look. Unfortunately, if I lose 6 more lbs I will then be considered "underweight". I would appreciate any advice.

[specialmom]

Hi.  I'm glad you found us at med help!!!  I can relate to what you are writing.  I went through many years on the treadmill as I refer to it.  Both literally and figuratively.  When I got married, I was 5'4'' and about 104 pounds.  Body fat very low because I worked out like a maniac and controlled all food I ate.  I didn't realize that this isn't really normal to be that anxious about food, controlling over food, nervous if I missed a work out, etc.  It becomes almost like an obsession.  After I married, we wanted to have a child and my ob told me that it would be wise to be more moderate in these things for my overall health and for a better chance at conception.  so, I scaled back.  and then once pregnant, that urge to be perfect in the form of how I looked was completely gone.  Oh my gosh, how freeing!  I've never looked back. I still exercise and try to eat right but not like the world or life depends on it!  

I didn't realize until after the fact how awful that was.  I think a good counselor to discuss this is essential.  Body dysmorphic disorder is real.  You are so smart to realize that something is wrong with your thinking ---  near being underweight and yet still thinking you want to lose more. I would take this seriously.  I've lived it and it is no way to live.  My situation got better due to another motivation for me taking me out off the treadmill and then seeing how terrible the treadmill is so never going back.  But some can't just do that on their own and need help.  Talk to a therapist and WORK on this.  

I'm here to talk if you need any help or just an ear!

[Paxiled]

Yeah, you have a bit of a problem which is that you don't understand nutrition very well.  You can be thin but if you have no muscle you still won't look toned, you'll still look like you have loose skin.  Your diet isn't very good.  It's deficient in vegetables, which should be the main thing.  You're eating a lot of sugar, which stores as fat if not burned off fairly quickly.  It doesn't sound like you're much into whole grains, and white flour foods also metabolize into sugar very quickly.  White pasta is particularly notorious for this, for example.  Fiber bars and granola bars are just candy bars.  Calories aren't the main factor in weight or body fat -- how well you digest your food and how quickly it metabolizes into sugar are.  Also, as to exercise, if you want to have a tighter body, you need to do resistance training.  Counting steps is pretty worthless -- this is a marketing technique by those who are selling smartwatches.  Anyone can tell how hard they're exercising and how much they're moving without measuring it.  I'd buy some books on proper nutrition, change your diet to one that is health on a permanent basis, and go to a gym and learn some resistance training.  It's not your weight, it seems more that you want to look more toned and replace that body fat with muscle.  Good luck.