How to make the best out of my insanity?

[gumbygumby]

My life ***** and always has. Anxiety, misery and doom every day. My family did this to me and all they do is make it worse. Psychologists wont do anything and, since thier profession is a complete SHAM, I will stop trying to make them. No money or friends to distract myself, so my brain just runs on full power 24/7 about NOTHING.

I've tried to kill myself several times, but nothing has changed. Can't try that again because I have an anxiety attack when i think about the last time I tried. That's put on hold until somebody hands me a gun, someday..

Anyways, without all the recycled, cliche BS, anybody got an idea? I smashed everything in my yard with a shovel and that was FUN, so maybe being insane isnt that bad if you know how to use it?

Whatever. I'm bored.

[gumbygumby]

also forgot to mention that the lady who was trying to psychanalyze me told me she has a masters degree in psychology. I laughed in her face and asked why she was a grunt in a community college instead of a master psychologist. She had already drove me nuts by then.

The only excuse she has to use that diploma is to WIPE HER ***.

[gumbygumby]

today i went to an appointment for college and they told me that that 650$ check that sais refund all over it wasnt a refund. They say it was a financial aid check. A MONTH AFTER BEING DROPPED FROM THE CLASS?? THE ONLY WORD IN THE DESCRIPTION IS "refund".

To sum things up, i can never go to college again because i owe the college 650$ because of a mistake they made. They wont take responsibility and they are forcing it onto me.

INCOMPETENT MORONS

The lady who was supposed to help me with my financial aid started trying to psychoanalyze me because of how pissed i was getting. She actually said "I hope you get some mental help" as i was leaving. Not in a good way either, she said it like an evil ****. I told her boss, who agreed to reprimand her but wouldnt make her apologize to me.....

I have so much hatred inside me and it is all very well founded. It is my RIGHT to be furious about all the injustices i have to deal with. My emotional problems are the most logical reaction to all this ********, i wont be told there is anything wrong with me anymore!!!!

[gumbygumby]

oh success. I couldve swore there was a "b" in there.

[gumbygumby]

Thank you.

Succubus? What? O.0

[butterfly84777]

Well I do think your way of thinking and writing is very interesting and headed in the right direction!!! I wish you and your succuss alot of luck :-)  I will keep my eye out for your work one day, so I can find out how you pull it all together!!!! Just remember to keep your head up even when things are not so good :-) I like you alot better like this!! But that's just me :-) you can always message me if you wanna chat..

[gumbygumby]

Don't like that he eats elves but it's not wierd that he has them as slaves? :P

He doesnt cook them or cut them up, he grabs them with his magical prehensile beard and drops them down his throat whole.

Santa was originally going to be a badguy for another character i made(hahahaha).

Also, the "naughty or nice" based government would completely work in a world where everybody is so superficial and self centered.

I'm trying to fit his present sack into the story more significantly than i have. So far it's just the basis for a joke, but his bag is supposed to be a wormhole to somewhere else. The joke is that technology as advanced as that, that he's had for centuries, couldve saved the world if he just told us how that worked a long time ago.



Wormholes are neat to me because the concept is very solid. I have a quick idea written down somewhere about a mad scientist who makes hotels like this. A wormhole opening that goes nowhere, basically making a cheap room that is larger than the entire universe. Once he has most of the world living inside these, he closes all the portals, locking them outside of the universe, in the one he controls completely.

He fulfilled his dream of conquering the universe, but now he has way too much responsibility. He wants the universe back to normal, but he's also kind of evil. He cant bring himself to just make things normal, and has to prove to himself that he's still an evil badass. His solution is to wormhole the entire old universe into his new one and, as an ultimate act of evil...he destroys the completely empty, nothing universe that's left over. Sounds evil, but technically nothing really happens, so thats funny to me.

Sorry, but i dont think I'm going to be able to complete any stories for you. Thats a lot of work. I have to let my ideas come naturally or they wont be good.

[butterfly84777]

Yeah I totally don't share your gift of writing I can't think or type straight today!!! Sorry I reread what I wrote and doesn't really makes since :-/

[butterfly84777]

Sorry I hit send, I am typing on my phone.. But yeah how he eats elfs.. I love that in other movies to how you get so into one story line concept and right when you start to process all of it, BAM!!!! Totally caught of guard and shocked that the roles are not what you thought!!! I mean I love Xmas always have but I also love twisted and distorted and something new that hasn't been done before and this totally I that...

[butterfly84777]

Well I think it's very well thought out and sounds very complex, which I love!! I really want to hear how you pull it all togeher and how you let the end out and how it all ties to together etc... I like the concept of how he is the real Santa he just can't make it to every house in one night, I think that brings logic to it, which grasp peoples attention and can relate to.. And how that leads to the whole peace idea and a whole new way of life brought on by Santa government!! Totally cool.. But wait, then comes the catch that he eats Elfa etc....

[gumbygumby]

What part of what i said do they understand?

[kmb22]

can i suggest listening to a band "the alkaline trio"   they have a bazillion albums, they are all good.  

i actually completely understand everything you said.

check out that band. they do to.

[gumbygumby]

its not that complete. Gaps and whatnot. What do you think of what I've said so far, though? That's the entire thing in a nutshell.

[butterfly84777]

You should copy it and link it to the page for us to read.. I would read it!! :-) I never read anything about an elf eating Santa before...

[gumbygumby]

Ok, you guys know im into writing and stuff. I came up with a story i like today. It has no dialogue or anything, but i like the premise.

I like xmas because of the tv specials. This is my vision of the holiday episode of my stories.

Santa is real. He always was. He can do most of the stuff in the stories, except he cant make it to every house in the entire world. Since his legend has spread across the planet he has been working on being able to live up to the expectations we have for him. He finally has the means to deliver to the entire planet, so he does. No secrecy or anything, he just does what the stories about him say he is supposed to.

He starts delivering presents every month. Long story short, everybody knowing they will get presents if they arent naughty leads to world peace. A new santa based government for the entire planet.

In the story, santa is mysterious and secretive. This leads somebody to investigate blah blah blah etc.

The story ends when somebody finds out santas dirty little secret. His immortality and supernatural powers are from eating his elves. For the passed century or so he has been breeding and eating them non stop so that he would have the "santa power" to finally give presents to the whole world.

It could end abruptly on that creepy subject in sort of a lovecraftian way or i could wrap it up. Perhaps the world just goes back to how it is now except elf meat is a prized commodity?


I guess this post doesnt have much to do with anxiety. Getting involved in a story, whether it be a video game, a book, a tv show or something I'm making up myself, makes me completely lose my anxiety and depression. I dont enjoy writing if nobody is going to experience it but me. That just makes me frustrated. My goal is to use my talent to not only keep my anxiety away, but also get a career in it so that i will lose a lot of the reasons i have anxiety.

If you dont like my story, cry me a river >:(

[gumbygumby]

grrr I'm so angry right now. I dont have a car and since the day before yesterday, my dad's girlfriend has been planning to give me a ride to the grocery store. She put it off over and over. I call my dad calm and everything. I was just curious to know if he talked to her. He loses his mind and acts like im asking for a lot from her. Havent heard him yell like that since i was little.

I only asked for one ******* favor. ONE. The fact that i have to ask about that favor 4 more times doesnt mean i asked for 4 new favors. It's means THEY are the ones doing something wrong.

I lent them 100$ since i got my money, yet asking for a ride to the grocery store is a lot??

I'm nice and everybody ignores it. Well, maybe i can be mean and they will ignore it. Let's see how they like that..

[butterfly84777]

Totally!! Lol if your interested there are bound to be others right? And I know it sounds silly but it's so true, just believe in yourself!!! Do you know anybody who can do the artwork aspect or would want to team up? I know alot of artist go throught your same thought process of if I could just get my stuff out there then...... So idk maybe post around the colleges in your area or librarys or places like that just a little bit about what your trying to do and how you are trying to get reconized etc... Hey maybe you might even get a chance to bond with someone a little and start a friendship, and you guys could be into the same stuff and i know you mentioned you enjoyed having your other buddy around so that might be nice!!!! Also maybe call like local papers and magazines I know here in Colorado they do like spotlights on people or like short stories that people follow each week and I am guessing you would obviously profit from that weekly as well.. And since it's local you should be able to just go in there or call and find out details and try and sell yourself to one of there spots!! Sorry this was a rambling message :-)

[gumbygumby]

Like a book? My stuff needs pictures and i CAN'T draw. At all.

I got scribbles to help me remember things, but nothing decent.

My works are paranormal "twilight zone" type short stories that always end up being science fiction because of how I cram logic and science into them.

Half the time i end up thinking to myself "well thats not even that crazy of an idea. It could work"

I like my stories, so that's proof of a fanbase right there, right?

[butterfly84777]

Have you tried sending any of your work to publishers

[gumbygumby]

I want to be a writer >_< How can somebody get a job for that without college? I think putting anything i write on the internet would totally ruin my chances at a real career. I wish i could just audition like an actor would..

[gumbygumby]

yeah, i live alone.

[butterfly84777]

I agree with crissy!! You totally sound happier and in a better place these days :-) I am glad you are loving your game, and your friends company and what not... That's a bummer your dad never came, and pretty crappy of no one to cancel anything with you!! Oh well that's on them anyhow there the ones who look bad now or un organized your the one who showed up etc.. So you did everything you were suppossed to..  I don't remember if you said anything about this or not, but do you live alone??

[Chrissy1972]

Awww sorry to hear that. But glad you are doing better from when you 1st started this post.

[gumbygumby]

My dad never showed up. :( I just wish that they wouldve called and told me that they changed thier plans.

[gumbygumby]

Update. I went to thanksgiving and my friend has been over a lot lately. He lives far away, but doesnt mind spending his money on gas when i can pay for the food and stuff. The money has been a huge load off my shoulders but still have more daily anxiety than i want. The video game i bought has been better than i possibly imagined. Today is my dad's birthday and we're going out to dinner. A bbq restaurant that gives free food when it's somebody's birthday. It's really expensive so nobody I know ever goes there when it's not a birthday.

Thanks for your support. I know I'll be back for some more eventually. Haha.