Hi, my name is LibraStorm, and I was wondering if anyone had any good suggustions for letting go. Here is my story.
In april of 2009, my husband of 33 years died at age 51. I have 2 sons, both married with a child each of their own. I was doing ok, I had taken a promotion at work, and knew I would be ok financally. In the mean time I found a computer game that kept my mind busy and all I did was work, cry and play this game. I didn't do anything else. Well, I met a man on the computer who lives in canada, and he was very nice. To make a long story short, I quit my job, sold my house and moved to Canada (3 days away from my children) and got married. The truth is, I was so depressed, I was hoping he would do to me, what I couldn't do, since sucide was out of the question. But he ended up being a wonderful man, and I now have a chance, that I may actually be able to find some kind of happiness here. At least as long as I have to be on this earth.
The problem is, my youngest son, is so mad at me he will not speak to me, and it is getting even harder and harder to get him to let me talk to my grandson over skype. He says it wasn't even a year after his father died before I started with another man, and that I didn't tell him I was moving here, and didn't tell him I was getting married. Which is true, because I was so much in a fog I didn't really know what was going on at the time. Even now, I am still so depressed,I have decided, never to get any medical treatment, so I don't have to live any longer than I have to.
In the mean time, I have to live on this fricking earth, and with my new husband, I have this one chance I may actually be able to be happy, but my heart is still breaking becuse of what I did to my son. I know I have to let him go to work this out on his own. But how do I let go? I not only love them, so much, but my sons and grandson is my only link to my deceased husband. I hurts so bad.