I'm not trying to preach or anything... but today helped me so much.
I went to my brothers house on lunch break... and he knows I've been struggling with anxiety/fear really bad the past few months.
He told me today that he was full of the holy spirit.... and I said "what?" and he said "I got my bible out today and just started reading it... I havnt read God's word in so long... I'm feeling so good today. And I talked to Grandpa for about an hour and a half about God, and he read me scriptures... and we both had a good cry."
A little background history on my brother, he used to abuse painkillers and stuff... but has recovered.
He battles with temptation... but has been clean for about a year now...
Anyways, I left his house b/c I had to take a stool sample to the Drs. (ive been having diarhea and loose stools the past 2 months... probably b/c of anxiety, but the dr wanted to make sure.)
Anyways, my brother hugged me and said "I love you, and there is nothing wrong with you, you need to quit worrying about everything"... and he started praying for me while holding me... I felt numb. Emotionally numb... and empty.
I went to the Dr.'s then back to work... then for some reason, I called my Grandpa who lives in town, and is a very spiritual man. I believe in God too, and am a Christian, but today I felt like God doesnt want me, or anyone else to suffer... the Devil does. But something led me to call my Grandpa, and ask if I could drop by his house... he said "of course".
So as I was driving over to his house, the closer and closer I got to his house, tears were pouring out of my eyes... I had no idea why... but it felt good... And when I walked inside his house... I was trying to fight back tears... and he said "well hey there! what's going on?"
And I just hugged him and I started crying so hard... he held my hand and said "lets go to the living room and talk".
I told him that I've been struggling really bad the past couple of months with anxiety and irrational worry that has given my body symptoms... and more fear... I told him I fear the worst with everything...
He opened up his Bible and read me some scripture... and then said he said a prayer with me... when we prayed... I started WEEPING... my arm jolted into the air... and my body started bending over... I was weeping so hard, I could barley breath.... My Grandpa said weeping and crying was a spiritual cleansing.
I havnt cried like that in SOOOOOOOOOO long... I really did feel the Holy Spirit... and I released SO much I felt like... I don't know what I released, but I learned it doesnt matter...
I learned it doesnt matter what's really bothering me... and I realized not to dig too deep... and just give it all to God.
It was just amazing...
I'm feeling pretty good... and I'm going to continue my spiritual walk with God.
I bet my symptoms start letting up too in the days to come.
Just wanted to vent. =) It just felt sooo good.