Should I give up?

[j17c27]

I have anxiety so bad.  For as long as I remember i have had a fear of throwing up (emetophobia) and it sounds silly but it is sooo incredibly debilitating.  I have no clue what life feels like without being in constant fear and terror that i could get sick. I have had this fear since I was a baby.  My mom could see it in me before i could even talk.  Its getting to the point where I have done all I could...I mean I know very well how to treat anxiety...i can tell other people how to help it...but none of it works on me.  I have been on sooo many different medications, so many therapists...and just no one out there can help.  I feel so hopeless and alone.  I know im not the only one with anxiety out there...but being at college where no one talks about these things is really hard.  My grades are slipping no matter how hard i try to get good grades anxiety holds me back...no matter how hard i try to fight it.  I lose relationships...i pretty much lost all my best friends I had all throughout my childhood.  They just stop caring about me because they dont want to deal with my anxiety.  I have lost boyfriends, best friends, and worst of all i have lost myself.  Suicide is on my mind a lot because i need an escape.  Nothing helps right...barely anything calms me down in an anxiety attack which happens multiple times a day for me.  I have talked to doctors. no one can help me and its so depressing.  I have lost so much hope...how can i be so helpless? Im 18...i didnt ask for this. Why is my biggest enemy my own mind? I never was able to have a childhood...my life is such a struggle...it takes all my energy to get through one hour at a time.  Is suicide my only option? I feel like god or whoever is out there wants me to do it.  Because i cant explain why else i was given a life of suffering.

[waxxyx]

I'm not on medication and am yet to even see a doctor.
For me, the anxiety is always there. However I do sometimes have times when I feel like I have rationalised my thoughts and can think clearly. It helps especially when I talk to people about it, even on here, it feels like a release.
I may even start keeping a journal to see if that helps, but at the moment I'm trying to work through it with the help of a book on anxiety. I wish you all the best J. Remember your not alone out there and there a millions of people... well maybe not millions but alot of people to talk to on here. God Bless :)

[j17c27]

Thank you both for your support.
I have been on the medications Lexapro, Welbutrin, and Pristiq.  Currently on 50mg of Pristiq.  I have played with all different mg on those different meds.  Nothing has really helped, and in the case of welbutrin, it gave me adverse effects so bad that my anxiety has changed for the worse perminately.  I have not been to a therapist who does cbt, although I have heard of it and am interested.  The problem is im in college, and there arent any cbt's on campus and i wont have a car until next year.  Also the therapy at school is free, so I take advantage of that since money is an issue.  
I am also perscribed hydroxizine pam for an as-needed basis.  It helps somewhat but even though im perscribed the lowest dose, it puts me in such a fog the day after i take it, that im not even able to function in any classes or my job. All i can do the day after I take it is sleep.  I have taken ativan once during a panic attack and it helped soooo much.  but no one will perscribe it to me because they say it is dangerous and dont want me to get addicted.

[waxxyx]

Hi J
Sounds like you need to talk this through with someone.
Anxiety is debilitating but suicide is not an answer, its not even a way out because in the end you lose everything and so does your family. Talk to your doctor about refering you to a specialist, tell them your suicidal and you should get fast tracked. In the mean time, talk to people who care about you about this problem and if no ones around, talk to the people on this forum, but make sure you talk. I suffer from a different type of phobia and anxiety but I'm going to work through it as i hope you will too :)

[remar]

No! Suicide is not your only option. I know you've been to therapy and have taken meds, but have you ever worked with a therapist that does CBT? Have you ever taken an anti anxiety med? Can I ask what meds you have taken? Sorry for all the questions but the more information we have the better we can help. Please keep posting here. We are to help and support you.