Feel like I'm planting false memories in my own mind?

[icecreamcone11]

Hello,

Recently I've been worried about times where I have been drunk in the past. I have not been drunk in over 3 years now because I'm so scared of the parts of the night which I can't remember... I've convinced myself over the past two days that I cheated on my boyfriend during an argument with an ex boyfriend at a party which was over 4 years ago!! I remember the argument, I remember what was said but there are some parts where I don't remember...this could be because of time or because of my drunkenness at the time. Surely I or someone would have remembered or mentioned it if I had done something awful, I was at the phone with my best friend at the time of the argument too so I'm sure she would have commented on it as she was completely sober at the time.

I feel like I can't get over this false memory, I know it didn't happen because I would have a) remembered it a few days later b) my friend would have told me about it c) the ex boyfriend would have said something about it d) i remember 80% of the argument e) I absolutely hated him at the time so why would I have even done this?!

My mind is going into overdrive and it's driving me crazy, this happens occasionally and I just want some advice as to what I can do to help avoid/improve my current state of mind. I tried talking to my boyfriend about it (the same one as I was with during this argument with my ex) but although he is supportive I feel like he is suspicious of me for bringing up this fear... but this could also be my paranoia

Please help!

[AnxiousNoMore]

A therapist will try to help you figure why you do this, or figure how to change your thinking to stop it. One on one in person is needed, because we can't diagnose you from here.