Invasion of my space

[tjrusert]

I know that this may seem minor.  But does anyone else get panicky when someone comes into your house? I mean like really panicky.  Almost to the point of a panic attack. It doesnt matter who it is.  I worry that things arent clean.  I get all OCD.  Its midnight right now and I am still cleaning because someone is coming to cut a shelf for me.  I cant get all the spots off of the floors and walls.  I feel like I cant go to bed because I dont know when he will be here.  Im so tired.  I need sleep but have to keep going.  I just thought if I wrote this down that I would realize that its ridiculous to be this way.  But it hasnt helped.  I dont want to take anything because Im afraid it will make me more tired.  Going back to it.  I hope I get to go to sleep soon.

[mammo]

You have no reason to be ashamed, this is not something you can control, except with help.  I'ver been where you are and I know how exhausting this can be.  My husband is a bit of a hoarder as well, and I refuse to go in the basement because I know it will set me off. So, as long as I don't have to look at it....I don't care.  You will be amazed at how much better you can feel with some help.  Keep us posted on how you're doing, I know many on here can relate to this. Best wishes.

[tjrusert]

Thank you for your reply.  I am so tired and ashamed.  But you are right.  I should go see someone.  The bad thing is that my husband is a hoarder.  But he keeps everything in the basement.  I literally get sick when I go down there.  I get so angry.  But at least he keeps it out of my space.  You are right about me never feeling like the house is clean.  It will never be done.  And my kids are grown so its just me and my husband.  But as far as my cleaning goes, I clean things over and over again.  And I feel completely overwhelmed by this.  On top of that I have some health issues that make me even more tired.  Its good to hear someone say its not my fault that I feel like this.  I feels like its my fault that things aren't cleaner though.  I will check into getting some help with this OCD.  I always knew that I had some minor OCD because I have to check to see that things are done over and over again.  I have to go back and check my iron and curling iron several times before I leave.  I bought an iron and curler that have a automatic shut off but I still have to check.  Up until now, I didnt think it was a problem.  You know, better safe than sorry but this cleaning thing is just too much.  Its taking too much of my energy. Thanks again for your reply.

[mammo]

It sounds like you have some OCD going on, with obcessing about the cleanliness of your house.  People who have OCD with their house being dirty will often clean and clean, and never seem to be satisfied.  If you haven't sought professional help with this you should.  It's not rediculous or minor, it's very real but there is help for this and you owe it to yourself to get the help.  You want to nip this in the bud before it flows into other aspects of your life.  I can hear the exhaustion in your words, and it needn't be this way.  Contact a psychiatrist for an evaulation and the two of you can determine what course of treatment would be best for you....medication and/or therapy.  This is very common, so know you're not alone and it's definitely not something to be ashamed of....you can't help that you do this.  I hope this helps, and take care.