How can I help my SO during attacks?

[Kate037]

My hubby has very recently been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, which has been relieving and frightening for both of us all at the same time. A little backstory, he was hit by a car in October of last year while on a bike ride and since then has been randomly passing out and being admitted to the hospital. The attacks used to be few and far between but now they are increasing in frequency and duration. He has learned enough now to know what he feels like before an attack, to try and prevent it, but he doesn't like taking medication so he's been avoiding his  prescription of lorazepam.
What can I do to help him during an attack? If he can't get it under control his body shuts down, and he goes into a comatose like state, how can I stop him from getting that far?
He is currently waiting to hear back from a therapist, but he might decide not to see him because of expenses involved. I just want to help him get back to his normal self again.

[remar]

I really hope your husband will give therapy a try. I do understand about the breathing differently not helping him. For some of us it does help and others it does'nt.
Congratulations on your pregnancy! It can be such a happy time but also a very stressful time too because like your husband you can worry about money.
You sound like such a caring and loving wife. Having a person like you really helps us anxiety sufferers. Blu sounds like she has a wonderful husband who is there when she has panic attacks. Ask your husband what you can do to help him during panic attacks. Maybe it's just holding his hand or hugging him. Those kinds of things help so much.

[Kate037]

I like the idea of a therapist, even just for a meeting or two that way he can learn some methods to calm down, like what you have mentioned, self talk, distraction, etc.  Blu, thank you for being so open with your answer, I appreciate that. I haven't tried ice water so I think I will definitely give that one a try, as well as distracting him with something to do.  Thank you also for the offer of messaging if I need to, I'm going to try a couple a couple of the ideas that were mentioned here but I just might pick your brain sometime soon.

[Kate037]

Thank you, your responses are very much appreciated. Remar, he has tried breathing differently but he says no matter how he breathes his chest feels empty like he can't fill it enough, kind of like when you get the wind knocked out of you and it takes you a couple minutes to regain it.  Evewisewoman, he has had every test done but the mri, because we only have one hospital it takes a couple months to get an appointment, but every other test, CT, CAT, Xrays, blood, urine, stool, they've all come back completely normal. Which is what lead  the doctors to think it was a mental illness. It makes sense to us, a month after the accident I got pregnant, and  he started working over time to make some extra money, so I think he's freaking out about the baby (due August 10th) and he thinks he's over working himself.  I myself have taken lorazepam myself, for depression, but it was a long time ago when I was a teenager and the only thing I remember about it was that I weaned myself off it and my antidepressants at the same time because they made me feel different. He says the lorazepam helps but he's worried about becoming addicted, and then relying on them.

[BluCrystal]

Hi Kate.  My husband has helped me through COUNTLESS panic attacks.  Most of the time I don't or can't tell him when I'm having one.  But he knows my triggers, and watches me for the signs: not knowing what to do with myself, nervous fidgeting, being unable to complete sentences, becoming shaky.  Thats when he swoops in like a Saving Angel.  He hugs me close and tight, like babies like to be held to feel safe.  He lets me cry.  He talks to me in gentle, loving words, and I listen to his calm voice speaking of love and how to handle the trigger I just had.  He will let me go if I fidget to be let loose.  This usually works, but i will be morose for awhile after, and he will help by bringing me a glass of icewater (for some reason, icewater is excellent after an attack).  Then it's time for distraction... we do something else, anything, really.  Clean house together, go for a walk, cook something tasty, watch something funny on TV.  The thing is this: HE IS NOT ALWAYS THERE when I panic.  I can call him and as soon as I say hello, he knows I'm in trouble and will stop everything he's doing to try to talk me down.  It works sometimes. Sometimes not.  But I have what I call my 'horse tranquilizers' that I can and will take if I cannot control an attack.  You might use the lorazepam for the same reason.  Explain to your husband that it hurts you to see him in such distress and not being able to help him.  Ask him to take the lorazepam before he goes 'comatose', not just for himself, but for you as well, so you can know that after he takes it, he will calm down.  I am here for you, Kate, if I can be of any further assistance, please message me.  Blessings to both of you - Blu

[evewisewoman]

Hi Kate,
I'm very sorry to hear about your husband's accident.  You say since then
he has been randomly passing out. Has his family doctor discovered
why your husband is passing out ? Has your husband had an MRI or a
CAT scan to rule out any possible injuries as a result of the accident ?
I say this because I was rear ended twice within three years a number
of years ago and had whiplash twice. Each time, my neck had to be
x-rayed actually for insurance purposes. I also suffered a depression a
number of years after my accident. I mention this because during my
depression I had anxiety attacks. My doctor at that time prescribed
lorazepam. I don't know if you've ever taken lorazeapam ? I find it quite
powerful and it works quickly. I used to take it while lying in bed to
help me sleep. First I was taking a whole tablet of lorazepam and a whole
tablet was too much for me. I felt like I was literally knocked out. It did
help me sleep, but a whole tablet was too much. I switched to 1/2 a
tablet and that was better for me to help me sleep. I never took it when
I had an anxiety attack. What I did was take several deep breaths, so
inhaling let's say for 3 or 4 counts and exhaling quickly, a number of
times. I would also try and reassure myself that I would be okay.
I find a lot of self talk is helpful. I found playing CD's of classical music
with nature sounds very calming. I myself never took medication during
an anxiety attack. For me, I lived alone at that time, I would do a lot
of deep breathing and self talk. Maybe a therapist would help, but it
probably is not absolutely necessary as yes it does get expensive.
I went that route for awhile but not about my anxiety issues. I wish both
of you well. Eve

[remar]

Many of us that have anxiety like to have our SO do different things to help during a panic attack. My husband learned long ago to not talk to me but just hold me. Sometimes I need to walk around, which helps with the adrenaline. My husband will walk around with me. He also reminds me quietly to breathe. When we're having a panic attack we usually will breathe very shallow and that can cause the light headed feeling. In your husbands case he's actually passing out. Tell him to take deep breaths because this will help him get oxygen.
If he's afraid of his meds he can most likely start with half the dose to see how he feels. Of course he'll need to talk to his Dr about this first.