Bad month

[AnxiousGurl]

I had a panic attack last night and it was embarrassing, I feel like such an idiot for walking away from my bf and his friends and then running to my car because I was freaking out. Im stressed out to the max since the beginning of june, my mom was in the hospital for a week.. I feel like im about to lose it totally (Not in a crazy way). Im an emotional reck and my anxiety is just bringing me down making things worse. This morning I didnt want to leave my room because my b/f had a friend over the house...it took me 20 minutes to finally open the door and then I had to sneak out without them seeing me leave, and without saying bye to my b/f which I always usually do unless hes sleeping. When I was walking to my car this morning to go to work I was hyperventilating. I was never like this and I think I have PTSD on top of every other anxiety disorder SAD,GAD etc.  I cant seem to handle social situations at all whether it be one other person I dont know or a ton of people. Im a mess. I couldnt stop trembling in the car after leaving the movies last night. My mind is all over the place. I feel like im having a nervous breakdown. I try my best to stay positive and calm myself but it seems to always get the best of me. Sorry if this all sounds ridiculus, I know Im really supposed to post a question, I just feel like I needed to vent. I dont want to worry my mom, my bf is hanging out with a friend, my moms best friend who I can talk to about anything is probably sleeping and I would hate to wake her. My friends wouldnt understand fully why I am this way, I feel like some things are better untold to certain people. Im so depressed over this and need someone who knows exactly what im going through or has been through this before...

[Charlotterose]

my first panic attack happened when i was 17, i was a a party with ALL my friends, out of no where my heart started pounding racing so fast i thought for sure I was gonna die.. I made a fool out of myself, when I was sitting in my friends front lawn in the rain for an hour.. They all thought i was crazy.. ( which there is a chance I am) I was so embarassed.. My popularity went down from there.. So i understand what you are going through, there was a time I couldn't even go to  the store I would wait in the car, I was so affraid of people.. but 10 years later.. I am doing alot better, once you realize that it's just anxiety and you get mad at it, it becomes a little easier to fight it.. you have to tell yourself that you have a life worth living, and your not gonna waste it because of the he!! it puts you through.. just get mad!!!!! and start living.. and remember you are not alone..

[scaredjo]

lol thanks hun by the way look up CBT cause it aint therapy as such they train your way of thinking and your thoughts im the same i had a pretty good childhood and ask about betas they might just take the edge of your anxiety......let me know how u go on
good luck  x

[AnxiousGurl]

I have to look beta-blockers up i dont really know about them...Ive heard about CBT but dont know anyone personally who has been getting CBT, I guess the only way is for me to find out for myself. Im going to make an appt to go see the doc next week. Even if he/she can prescribe something that will take the anxious feeling away-I think i'll be in good shape, because im overall a stable-minded person without the anxiety, but before I go somewhere I start to excessively worry and if that is under control, I dont think ill need to talk to a therapist about anything..well hopefully..lol.
Thanks and same to you-if you need to talk you can message me!!

[scaredjo]

yeah i dont like meds either though i do take beta-blockers which help stop me getting in that state maybe they could be an option for you? i haven had any side effects and they aint addictive or anything. it must be hard cause us english dont have to have insurance although our therapy waiting lists are quite long im having CBT which does help but i honestly think the only proper cure is ourselves
anyway i agree a think it does help talkin to people that understand feel free to message me anytime u want to :-)

[AnxiousGurl]

Well I just got insurance and the doc i wanted isnt on the list (Ive heard hes an excellent doctor, hes helped my mom and a friend and Ive heard hes gotten someone out of a wheelchair, working again and got them back on their feet), so unfortunatly I have to find another one, but I want to find a good one not one that'll just write me a prescription just to say here try that and see if that works.. I dont want to be just prescribed anything for anxiety-Im worried about the side effects im not really a believer in meds, since my moms gone through that whole deal and shes worse off now than shes ever been. I should probably go see a therapist- I just want to forget everything and start fresh but I cant seem to forget my past and get past everything. My bf does understand to an extent- hes not really much of a serious talker hes more of a big joker-which he can sometimes make me smile when Im like this.
Anyway, you dont have to apologize....Thank you for responding so quickly I really appreciate that you could be here for me on this message board-it does help.

[scaredjo]

hiya i know these feelings all to well AND IT AINT NICE and i know what you mean about people understanding cause they dont unless they experienced this themselves, so have you been to a doc about this? maybe some therapy would help you? does your bf understand? sorry 4 all the questions