My Wits End

[Lhrlnd]

My panic attacks normally start with breathing and move to sweats / prickly skin. Then I get paranoid about my profuse sweatign which amplifies it, my heart races and I go into a cold dark place almost out of body experience. This can be particulary bad as I get rooted to the spot (it feels like some force is stopping me from running away or screaming out).

I've actually been desperate to goto the toilet for some 4 hours before but been petrified to move and not gone.

I've been on various anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication before and some work a little (Citalopram) and some just made me want to kill myself (seroxat). I've also been to doctors, specialists, psycologists & psychiatrists too.

Has anyone else had such severity? I'm at my wits end and suffering in silence now! I regularly think about suicide and day dream about death in my family and dying. I know I'm not normal but feel I cannot talk to anyone apart from Doctors and they just see me as a guinnie pig.

[amish1979]

Yes, we do feel like guinea pigs.  The problem is that everyone's body chemistry is different, and everyone reacts to certain meds differently.  It can make you feel like a guinea pig while your dr is trying to figure out what med or combination of meds works.  

[theotterone]

After I had my 9 year old, and her father was in night school, I had such a massive attack that I couldn't leave the bathroom.  My mom stayed on the phone with me until 11 pm and kept trying to get me to go to the kitchen to get my Klonopin.  I was convinced in my head it was not safe to leave the bathroom (thank God the baby was asleep!)  There are other meds available. I know it feels like the doctors are using you as a test subject, but it took me over a decade to get on the right medication to control my anxiety.  Keep trying!  Everyone is different.  We finally figured out with a blood test that I high metabolize antidepressants and put me on a control release.  If I am on the normal version, it is like I am not even on medication!  We are always here, and know how we felt when we went through it.  You have support, even if we are physically far away...

[Julie359]

Wow... it sounds as if you are having the hardest time ever, i am soo sorry you are feeling like this.  Are these attacks regular? like on a daily basis, are they more at a particular time?  

Maybe if the Citalopram helped, even if it was only a bit, how about thinking to go back on to them... it may take the edge off the panic attacks, what dose were you on before?   i was on Citalopram for only a week, it gave me side effects, but i was only on 10mg, funny thing is my anxiety started to go and i felt better mentally but i then developed side effects to it that were too much.... what a kick in the f***y eh.... Maybe the dose you were on before wasn't enough for your body.  If you go back onto it maybe the dose could be increased to suit you more.

You know i have had that rooting to the spot thing before... my whole body froze and no matter how hard i tried to move i just couldn't, i had to breath very heavily into my stomach to try and relax my whole body before i was able to put one foot in front of the other.  It scared me half to death. Plus was very embarrasing seeing as i was standing in front of other people.... they kept asking me if i was ok and all i could do was answer yeah.... another time it happened while i was about to stand up... i just froze in motion.  so i'm half stood up and half sat down and couldn't go any further either way.... i was just stared at but luckly after a couple of mins my body relaxed and i could move.  I was then convinced i had the starting of Parkinson's disease.... although it wasn't, it was bloody anxiety.

My advice would be, and i know yu proberly don't want to hear this, go back to your G.P and ask him/her if you can go back on the Citalopram and try it at a higher dose.  

I'm taking it your from England as i am cause in America the drugs are called different names... and we call it Citalopram here.

If you need to chat don't hesitate .... we are all ears and will try and help in any way we can.