Racing negative thoughts and imulsive behaviors

[Eva75]

I really need help. I see a doctor and a therapist so I am covered there. I have always have obsessive negative thougts that sometimes get out of control and if I don't stop them at the beginning I get into a tailspin and act and do things that I normally wouldn't do if I was in my normal state of mind. One area I have real issues with is men.

If I feel out of control or don't know where I stand with a guy, I start thinking obsessively about it and in turn acting impulsively by sending out e-mails, texts etc - too many without thinkiing clearly. Then I don't focus on stuff I need to do like get a job. I have had a lot of issues growing up, bad childhood, abandonement issues, physical abuse etc.

I am diagnosed as depressive/anxiety. I am not manic, but do get racing thoughts. Currently I am addicted to Ativan and can't seem to get off it right now. I have no health insurace so can't really check out other docs or therapist that might help me more.

My friend said the ativan is making my thoughts even more irrational, its true as soon as I feel one of these negative thoughts come about I take an ativan or sometimes have a drink if really bad. I just started taking Lamictal to control my racing thoughts, not for mania.

I still feel really upset about the way I acted yesterday with this guy I only hung out with two times who confused me. I acted so impulsively..he probably never wants to talk to me again. It was like my emotions and inturn were out of control. So obviously the meds and therapy not working well.   I don't know what to do? Any advice, anyone understand/been thru this. Is this common? Is it a type of disorder. Like obsessive disorder. What is the best way to treat what I have?  Thanks. - also I would like to post this directly to a doctor here, I read some posts concerning racing thoughts that were directed to a male doc. on here. Is there a way I can post there as well?

[JSGeare]

I'll be back.

-S

[Eva75]

Thank yor for your comments.  

This guy and I  decided it was just going to be casual as we both just got out of long relationships. I thought I could handle that. Until I started to start falling for him and he was saying things like I miss you, I wanted you to be the first person I contacted after he went away for weekend etc. We held hands..cuddled and even talked about me coming to visit him out in long island when he moves there. This all confused me as although he said we were casual some of the things he was saying/doing conflicted this for me.

He started making too many sexual remarks (I told him from the start no casual sex), although we kissed and a little more. I always stopped him and he respected it.  so I started having obsessive thoughts about all this and in turn started to text him asking him if he just wanted sex from me etc. He said no.  I said I was honest with him in first place that I don't do that. Then I was wonderfing does he like me? and why are we even hanging out if there is no hope for anything. I started getting really upset. so I  I kept im'ng him, texting,  him about some of this stuff. worrying about whether he was going to contact me. Sending him conflicting messages. and the more I did this the more anxious and out of control I got - into my tailspin.

I am still kinda there in the tailspin, but we talked today and decided we would just be friends as we both just got out of relationships and that i can't just have somthing casual like he wanted. I was hoping he wanted more, but he does not right now. I told him he has a lot of the qualities I am looking for in a man and he said the same about me. I then said well maybe in a couple of years if we are both single...as a joke kinda. He starts his residency soon. We are still attracted to each other so I dont' know how this will work.  I don't have casual sex as it messes my brain up - i become attached and hurt.  

Let me know if you need more information, I don't mind giving it out. I just really need help. Please any advice or help would be appreciated as I am in bad state right now and can't focus on stuff I have to get over to my recruiters as I am looking for a job.  I see a therapist if i didn't metion that. Seeing her thurs. If she does not help me i may start trying out a different one. I don't have insurance right now, so can't do too much with that. I am currently taking zoloft, ativan (which i think may make me worse at this point), lamictal for my racing thoughts as I said not for bipolar (just started - can't tell if working, should prob. try it without ativan, but was anxious today), and ambien to sleep.

[JSGeare]

That's a tough row to hoe, alright. Doctors in the forum are found by "Asking an Expert." Go to the home page, then click forums, then scoll down to the Ask an Expert section. You'll see that there is no category for Anxiety, depression, etc, but there IS one for mental health. Once you click that, you'll be asked to agree with the terms of use. Note that the Expert Forums are not as interactive and immediate as the user forums -you might have a wait of 7-10 days (they say) and that is hard for us panic and anxiety folks to tolerate. Anyway, Roger Gould is currently the house Doc over there, so fire off your question to him.

And THEN, instead of sitting around for a week waiting (and it may actually come much faster) look through the others posts that are there, or do a keyword search and see if someone has already asked a question like yours.

MEANWHILE, Eva, let's see if we can peel away some layers from this onion you've got going here. You talk about "out of control," "tailspin," "anxiety and depression," "don't know where you stand with a guy," "obsession" ...  that's quite a long list. I assume that a recent encounter with a guy prompted your latest onset of feelings and behaviors which then brought you to us. You certainly may count on us for every measure of support, and odd as it may seem, I can almost guarantee that someone here has done the very same stuff.

But, can you sort this out a bit more us? WHAT was out of control (what did you do?) and what was obsessive -in other words, can you give us some idea of the actual behaviors and the actual thoughts involved.

If that's just a bit too close for comfort, then OK, we will understand. The idea is to get a handle on why you are the way you are and with at least a fuzzy idea about that, you can make some informed guess about what therapy or treatment would be most effective, or at least avoid the ones that are almost sure to be useless. I think you will find that thoughtful consideration of these question will result in your writing down quite a bit, and there mere act of doing so will help you bring things more into focus.

But, to answer your question about treatment in general terms (and you can run this by Gould) many patients will take a medication as prescribed by the doctor AND get into therapy. Medications can have sometimes very immediate and positive effects -and sometimes just so-so effects, but the idea is to relieve the menatl pressure so you can pay attention. The therapy helps you rummage through your mental attic and find out what's making you act as you do -and correct it. Ideally, a psychiatrist will be the professional you work with -the person who does the therapy is the same one who writes the scrip -the best possible combination.

One more thing: will you please JOIN this forum using the link on the right of the screen. Put in some profile information so we can connect better with you personally. This also lets you send/receive private messages by just clicking someone's name. Plus, your experience will be of enormous help to others here. In other words -we need you.

OK, back to you!