What will be gained by attending the trial?

[29sillygirl]

I just learned that my former husband will soon have a pretrial and trial.  The pretrial is July 21; the trial scheduled for mid August.  My daughter was with me when I got the news from one of my son's friends.

  My daughter is adamant about not going.  We almost fought over the issue.  Then we talked it over.  I am just recovering from post cancer surgery, as well as moving through my grieving process.  I felt the last hurdle was to sort out a paperwork glitch for my youngest son: which will be enough of lawyers for awhile.

Could I sit through a trial, without a bathroom break?  Will it be a horrible recreation of the bloody scene that detectives saw and photographed? The answer to that is 'yes' according to my daughter.  What would Brooks want me to do?  Is there any value in hearing and seeing all the horror of this tragedy?  

If  an attorney told me my presence in courtroom would help the state, I'd be there.  My daughter said there is no way she is putting herself through it.  Neither I am guessing will my youngest son be able to handle it.  None of us has been called as witnesses as we had nothing to do with the event, or my former husband, who had remarried twice.  I couldn't come up with any information about him that would be helpful.

The courtroom will be crowded with  Brooks' many friends who want to see his father prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law for his crimes.  They are not, however, as emotionally invested in this as his family. Most will be there to represent us.

Again, if our presence would add anything  of value....we could do it.  But...it is a clear that he will be sentenced for murder and attempted murder.  The trial is simply his right under our system of justice, and the public defender is just doing his job.  

I feel my personal journey is a very different thing from the legal system's process.  I have no doubt justice will be done.  That seemed clear after the second bond hearing, when a detective and my eldest son's testimony left no doubt that my former husband feels no remorse for what he's done.  I fear being dragged back into the darkness and don't think my mind needs to be exposed to terrifying images that will live forever in my mind.  I really do know my son would never want me to go through that.  

Maybe I've answered my question.  Guess my concern is that I do things right.  My therapist believes I am.  Not sure what she will say about this.    Or what opinions you guys have.  

[remar]

I'm glad to hear your son has been through counseling. I can't imagine getting through something like this without it. What he's doing in his brothers memory is the best therapy though and such a wonderful thing for him to do.
It's hard to believe there are people in this world like your ex. It just does'nt make sense.
Please keep us up to date on what's going on.We're here for you. Take care. Remar

[29sillygirl]

Remar, My oldest son has gone through fairly intense counseling and physical rehab.  From what I hear he is holding up as well as can be expected.  For awhile he went off the rails...drinking etc.  My hope is that he will turn himself around for himself.

He says he wants to dedicate the rest of his life to his brother.  He has done a lot of building of structures and a gate @ the property where the crime was committed.  Carving Brooks' initials into the wooden plaque over the arch into the property.  He is very artistic and can build anything.   Brooks wanted him to resume painting, but we will see.

Thank you for your support, thoughts, prayers.  I, too, hope justice will be done, as much for my dead son as for my eldest, who suffered under the tyranny of his father for decades.

[remar]

Sometimes just writing out your thoughts helps you make a decision. That's what you did here. No one could tell you what you should or should'nt do. In my opinion though, you are making the right decision by not going. A mother does not need to to go over such a horrible ordeal again. Has your oldest son went to counseling? How is he doing? Again, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I so hope that you get justice. We're here for you. Remar

[29sillygirl]

Thank you mammo.  I just checked your profile to refresh my memory of what you've been through.  Then researched the awful illness that your son and grandson inherited.

I appreciate you sharing your story.  My body and mind reacted in the extreme just hearing the words over the phone.  Know putting myself through a trial would be going too far.

Thanks for your encouragement.

[mammo]

You have to do what's best for you, and reliving this will not do nobody any good.  I don't feel your son would want you to have to endure the trial, and as you say, your presence would not benefit him in any way. I lost my son and grandson to a hideous illness and their suffering plays over and over in my mind, don't do this to yourself.  Your eldest son will represent the family and his presence is needed.  I am so sorry for your loss, this is a horrible situation for your family.  You are all in my thoughts and prayers. I feel you've made the right decision.  Take care.

[29sillygirl]

Thanks remar and ceshchesh.  I had a sad/anxious day yesterday, and am writing this @ 1:30AM.  I believe I have made my decision.  There is no value in putting myself through a trial.  The only one of my children who probably needs to be there is my eldest, and I know he can handle it.  He is the one his father wounded, while he was trying to protect his younger brother who died.  As he is the only witness to the crime, his testimony is essential to the state's case.

I will be so glad when this is behind us.

[cheshchesh819]

this is a terrible ordeal both you and your family have been through,and only you can decide what to do,but do it for you and not because it is right for everyone else.good luck and my heart goes out to you.

[29sillygirl]

Realize I left out the primary question behind my post!  Just thinking about the trial and talking about it caused me panic; shortness of breath, and need for bathroom. What is the consensus on what this could do to me in terms of anxiety/panic response?