When I used to hear the word anxiety, I used to laugh. This is so strange to me, I feel like I can never be normal again. I know positive thinking influences recovery in a major way, but it seems like there is no help, like I'm trapped and eventually I'm going to give in. About 4,5 months ago I smoked some of that legal marijuana, and fell into a major panic attack, I truly feel like god spared my life, and brought me back to a full recovery, I had smoked the stuff before, but for some reason I guess that time was too much. This unreal feeling is so real and intense, which makes it scary than anything out there in life. I normally did not experiment with the artificial herbal incense, but I was on probation. A few days ago I smoked some real marijuana, and it happened again, only worse, it still hasn't completely gone away. Its like nothing is real anymore...85 % of the day I feel like this, and the only thing helping me get through it is the 15 % of the day I feel regular again. I crave these short moments everyday and battle a mountain range of anxiety everyday for the past 5 days. I keep praying to god which I am a firm believer in, but I find myself crying, because I feel like god just won't help me, and I don't know why. It says god helps those who help themselves, so that is why I am writing this post and visiting the doctor today, maybe an inpatient hospitilization facility. I am 19 years old and male. My first panic attack was when I was 13..I was sitting in in school suspension, then all the sudden my mind started to wonder and pretty soon I was in a panic attack and everything felt unreal, for a couple minutes, then everything was fine again, followed by a few more minor stains and residual effects of the first one...its like I'm too intellectual to be human. My mind would scrutenize every detail of the observable world, causing me to overload and go into panic, because I never felt this problem before..I was too young to identify the problem as I do today, so I told my mom that I was hearing voices, which wasn't exactly true, but it was the only way I could explain the unwanted thoughts. I am a very intelligent person and its a gift..but sometimes a curse. I want to know if anyone could help me feel normal again..I no longer smoke, or do any of that, but I want to know if there's anyone out there feeling this too. What is wrong with me? Do I have depersonaliztion disorder? Or is it just residual effects of the bad trip? Am I just stuck ina.bad trip and what I'm feeling is actually illusional, someone help me and will I ever be normal again?