Search friendly people which would like to talk with me.

[Schwarzes_Schaf]

Hi!

I'm a 27 year old female Austrian and I'm on the search for people which would like to talk over pm's, e-mail or instant messengers with me and who understand and accept how I'm. Let me tell more about myself. I think I suffer under anxiety issues since I was a child (I had never really friends, liked to stay in the house ect.) but really worse it is since 2004. I worked for a few months on a an awful workplace where I got bullied and since that I'm nonstop unemployed and have really panic because of job search. Because I fear me that the same could happen again (I don't want to have such a panic because of work again that I have the whole time nightmares and go with a sick stomach to work everyday and must take care that I don't start to cry there) and I so or so don't know how I should explain during a interview this giant gaps in my resume. Good, I was often ill too since 2004 (I suffer under pilonidal cysts and abscesses, had all together 5 surgeries, 2 in 2004, 1 in 2010 and the last one in September last year) but still. I know that during a job interview I would get certainly sweaty hands, a red head and would stare the whole time on the floor and would just want to get out of there. Something like that happened often when I had must to authorities ect..

So I avoid job search because of this reasons although I would really need a job because our (I live in a house with my mother and her boyfriend) financial situation is everything else then good in the meantime. My Mother and everyone one else in my family think that I'm just lazy and don't want to work because I'm the most of the time in my house. That it's just because of my fears they don't see.

I generally don't like to be other under people. I mean when I walk around or so or when I'm in a store and the people let me in peace then it's ok but when we get visitors at home then I avoid to go downstairs because the guests could question me out about which job I have ect.. Then I just want to get out there.

A other issue is that I'm extreme depended on my Mother. Which mean although I'm 27 years old I do what she say and nearly all my decisions depend on "what my mum would say?". And my Mother like that, for her I'm a "good" daughter because I'm at home the most of the time and don't go out ect..

Sometimes I also have absolute no energy and just want to sleep the whole day. I also have panic when I must drive somewhere in my car. As example two days ago I had must pick up my half brother from somewhere and that I knew since Saturday and from that point on I was already nervous! Usually when I must drive somewhere then I can't relax, get extreme nervous when there are cars behind me and I'm soaked in sweat and my body hurts (because I tensed me so in my car) when I reach my destination. So I usually drive only to the next town which is about 10 minutes driving time away and with that I have no problems.

Well, that's the reason why I have absolute no friends in real life. I mean I talked with people over the internet in the past but they had the nose full from me after a while because the absolute didn't understood me. I have a "boyfriend" as example who live in America and would like that I visit him but he absolute don't understand that it's not so easy for me to sit me in a plane. So he start to get pissed too in the meantime. I also tried to get in touch with other people over different penpal sites but with no success. Because after a short time the people obviously don't wanted to have something to do anymore with someone who was no life and is not "normal". And to lie about my life, job ect. is no option for me because I'm convinced from that you can't build up a friendship on lies.

That's why I hope to find on this forum friendly people to talk with who are in a similar situation and can understand me.

Thanks to everyone who read this message and Greetings from Austria. PS: English is not my native language so please forgive me eventually spelling mistakes.

[MichaelaThunberg]

Hiya, you've come to the right place! I suffer from anxiety to, and it's nice to know there are people like yourself out there. My parents don't understand either but I'm much better than I was a couple of years ago, they think I'm just being lazy and silly. I'd be happy to be your friend, PM me if you'd like to talk!
/Micki

[XxBrokenInsidexX]

Hi,
      You have definitely come to the right place to find understanding people who would love to talk with you as we battle anxiety together.. I completely understand what it's like not having support from your family.. but it's hard for them to understand.. As far as your boyfriend goes if he cant be supportive and attempt to understand what you are going through he doesn't deserve someone like you.. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot right now and I want to say I am here if you want someone to talk with.. You can private message me if you want and we can talk about this some more