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Storing Urine and Vomit in Bedroom
I'm not sure if I am posting this in the correct forum but hopefully someone will be able to help me.
My 22 year old sister has been urinating in cups and containers and storing it in her bedroom. This has been happening for years. She also stores vomit in her room and it is only removed when when of us family members cleans the room because the smell has become unbearable.
She used to wet the bed as a child and was bullied at school. She now has a good job (in healthcare!!!) and is outwardly happy but there have been problems in the family.
I have spoken to her about this and she claims she does not know why she does this but doesnt want to go to the doctor. Sometimes she says she does it because she is lazy, or doesnt want to go downstairs to the toilet in case someone shouts at her for making noise but at other times she uses different reasons so I feel like they are excuses and dont know the real reason why she wees in her room. And if its just laziness or fear of getting shouted at, why does she keep the urine in her room for months and months?
I am so sure this is a sign of a deeper problem. She has also cut her arms in the past. Its really hard to speak to her about this because she gets angry and changes the subject.
Please can anyone give me any advice?
My 22 year old sister has been urinating in cups and containers and storing it in her bedroom. This has been happening for years. She also stores vomit in her room and it is only removed when when of us family members cleans the room because the smell has become unbearable.
She used to wet the bed as a child and was bullied at school. She now has a good job (in healthcare!!!) and is outwardly happy but there have been problems in the family.
I have spoken to her about this and she claims she does not know why she does this but doesnt want to go to the doctor. Sometimes she says she does it because she is lazy, or doesnt want to go downstairs to the toilet in case someone shouts at her for making noise but at other times she uses different reasons so I feel like they are excuses and dont know the real reason why she wees in her room. And if its just laziness or fear of getting shouted at, why does she keep the urine in her room for months and months?
I am so sure this is a sign of a deeper problem. She has also cut her arms in the past. Its really hard to speak to her about this because she gets angry and changes the subject.
Please can anyone give me any advice?
Hi there, sorry that you're dealing with this with your son. Is this a brand new behavior, or has he been doing this for a while? What kind of psychiatric history does he have, if any? Does he have an official diagnosis? Does he happen to be diagnosed with ADD/ADHD or OCD? Those are a few conditions that could explain this behavior. Has he struggled with anxiety or depression? Has he been receiving professional mental health help for a while? Any medications?
This is definitely not something that indicates that your son is lazy, unclean, or a slob. There is definitely a psychological reason why he's doing this. If he hasn't had a significant mental health history, I would say that it's likely stemming from his failure in school. That makes a HUGE impact, and I'm sure he feels depressed and anxious about it. If this started after that, I would almost guarantee it's related. It could be a way he's controlling anxiety, it could be that he's got a hang up about parting with something that belongs to him. It's hard for us to wrap our brains around how or why that would make sense, but to them it does. It fulfills SOME kind of emotional need. Heck, HE may not even fully understand why he's doing it, and of course, even though he feels the need to do it (ie a compulsion), logically, he knows it's gross and unacceptable, which probably causes him to feel very embarrassed about it. Embarrassment over behavior that's unreasonable will often lead to defensiveness.
It's good that you've gotten him help, but of course, if he's not compliant with his treatment, it's not going to be successful. Have you tried a very calm, caring, compassionate approach? If your discussions with him have been stressful, it's probably only making him withdrawal more and continue the behavior. I would recommend keeping it simple and saying something like, "Son, I'm very worried about you, I love you and want to see you get better. I'm here for you and will help you in any way, but you have to do your part by attending all of your appointments. We will get through this together." Maybe he will open up to you, if you ask him some open ended questions, like "Tell me how you feel about not graduating? Can you share with me the things you think about relating to that, and how it makes you feel?"
Is he only seeing a psychiatrist? Typically, they only handle the medication aspect of treatment. Is he in actual therapy? THAT'S going to be paramount for him, even if he IS taking medications as well. This is something that needs explored and dissected with a therapist. Therapy will also help arm with with appropriate and healthy coping mechanisms.
I hope your son improves and is willing to participate in his treatment plan. If he continues to be non compliant, and continues the behavior, you may have to start getting tough and setting some serious boundaries, which may include telling him he's got so much time to get a job (if he doesn't have one) and find a place of his own. If it gets to that point, just make sure that he knows you're getting tough more because he won't help himself, versus the actual behavior itself.
Best of luck to you and your son, please come back and update us when you can. When you do so, you may want to start your own new thread, as this one is very old, and will be passed over by most people. Take care, hang in there!
This is definitely not something that indicates that your son is lazy, unclean, or a slob. There is definitely a psychological reason why he's doing this. If he hasn't had a significant mental health history, I would say that it's likely stemming from his failure in school. That makes a HUGE impact, and I'm sure he feels depressed and anxious about it. If this started after that, I would almost guarantee it's related. It could be a way he's controlling anxiety, it could be that he's got a hang up about parting with something that belongs to him. It's hard for us to wrap our brains around how or why that would make sense, but to them it does. It fulfills SOME kind of emotional need. Heck, HE may not even fully understand why he's doing it, and of course, even though he feels the need to do it (ie a compulsion), logically, he knows it's gross and unacceptable, which probably causes him to feel very embarrassed about it. Embarrassment over behavior that's unreasonable will often lead to defensiveness.
It's good that you've gotten him help, but of course, if he's not compliant with his treatment, it's not going to be successful. Have you tried a very calm, caring, compassionate approach? If your discussions with him have been stressful, it's probably only making him withdrawal more and continue the behavior. I would recommend keeping it simple and saying something like, "Son, I'm very worried about you, I love you and want to see you get better. I'm here for you and will help you in any way, but you have to do your part by attending all of your appointments. We will get through this together." Maybe he will open up to you, if you ask him some open ended questions, like "Tell me how you feel about not graduating? Can you share with me the things you think about relating to that, and how it makes you feel?"
Is he only seeing a psychiatrist? Typically, they only handle the medication aspect of treatment. Is he in actual therapy? THAT'S going to be paramount for him, even if he IS taking medications as well. This is something that needs explored and dissected with a therapist. Therapy will also help arm with with appropriate and healthy coping mechanisms.
I hope your son improves and is willing to participate in his treatment plan. If he continues to be non compliant, and continues the behavior, you may have to start getting tough and setting some serious boundaries, which may include telling him he's got so much time to get a job (if he doesn't have one) and find a place of his own. If it gets to that point, just make sure that he knows you're getting tough more because he won't help himself, versus the actual behavior itself.
Best of luck to you and your son, please come back and update us when you can. When you do so, you may want to start your own new thread, as this one is very old, and will be passed over by most people. Take care, hang in there!
I have the EXACT SAME with my 17 year old son also. I was looking on here to see what suggestions people are offering. My son is seeing a psychiatrist but misses appointments and "claims" he has stopped the behaviours, until the next time I find the remains! My son did not graduate this year and dropped out of school months before completion. He is good looking, smart, talented and yet he is depressed, anxious and what I would consider lazy and a slob! It is so difficult to deal with, because, we know they have a problem, but the "symptoms" are so difficult to deal with! I often feel it is a personal attack, as I am known to be a bit of a clean freak! So that is one of my questions...are You a clean freak?? Is it a way to control us? Make us DO for them, TAKE CARE OF THEM?? I hope you get this, as your post is years old...although I know, my problem is about a year old myself!
1 Comments
I think your son isn't ready to deal with the underlining issue. Honestly, I doubt if he's going out his way to drive you crazy. It's a problem that a expert must help him with. Have you ever tried to take things away as a form of punishment for missing doctor appointment's? It may help him stay consistent with his appointments. Teenagers hate to have things taken away from them. Speaking from experience, my mother took phone privileges away amongst other things. Until my siblings and I got the picture that she was serious. She always stood firmly while disciplining us without being physical. I must say it worked.
it nice to know there are others with the same problem. Don't know why my son thinks it's okay to do this? I will take the next step and talk to his Dr about this disturbing habit. He now is pissing on our coffee cups. So gross, I want him to see this is not acceptable behavior.
1 Comments
Your son is aware that his behavior is wrong. I feel he needs medical help dealing with whatever is causing him to do these things.
Using the restroom is a very personal private task. Perhaps if someone wishes to go unperceived they will develop this behavior as a way to deal with the anxiety of dealing with people and feelings of being exposed. Just like a cat, it might be a primitive response to dealing with an unfavorable situation that develop into a social anxiety.
I suggest talking with the person displaying their behavior and dig for their triggers. If making noise is a problem perhaps adding a water-safe radio to the toilet can make it a more relaxed experience. Anther Idea would be to add some lysol in restroom if the problem is a germ phobia.
Another trigger powerful trigger that can set off this behavior is embarrassment of being seen after drug use ex. red eyes, flushed skin, dilated pupils. For this professional counseling to deal with the underlying problem must be contacted.
I suggest talking with the person displaying their behavior and dig for their triggers. If making noise is a problem perhaps adding a water-safe radio to the toilet can make it a more relaxed experience. Anther Idea would be to add some lysol in restroom if the problem is a germ phobia.
Another trigger powerful trigger that can set off this behavior is embarrassment of being seen after drug use ex. red eyes, flushed skin, dilated pupils. For this professional counseling to deal with the underlying problem must be contacted.
I was spellbound reading your description of your son...You just detailed everything about my 20 yr old daughter...She graduated last year "by participation" and only after running off twice to another state with boy. But I just found two suitcases filled with 43 various bottles...soda,fruit, and of course at least 10 with pee. When I finished dumping / rinsing for recycling....I came and searched...THIS IS NOT RIGHT!... What medicine did I take while pregnant,, what medicine did I give her to cause these strange habits...I hate to take her with your poor hygiene....
Heartbroken
Heartbroken
1 Comments
Please let me tell you this. It was nothing you did while pregnant or raising your daughter to cause these issues. It sounds to me that your daughter is in need of medical attention. The sooner the better before she goes down the wrong path. Please don't continue to blame yourself nor questions what you may have done to cause her issues. This is beyond any help you may provide her with. She's very lucky to have such a caring parent in her corner. Good Luck in the future.
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