Okay, might be time to seek help. This is what i was thinking in the car on the ride home today.
Current status: Hunting for a new job because i'm working 50+ hours a week, panic attacks when leaving the house to and from work: daily. Avoiding the phone and my family because i simply cannot deal with the fact that my dying grandmother's wish was for me to take care of my grandfather and its breaking my heart that he is now also dying of (TWO, 2!) different types of cancer. My uncle: also dying of cancer. Having to deal with a great man, slowly forgetting, having conversations over and over and trying not to notice. Drinking 2-3 glasses of scotch to sleep for 5 hours each night otherwise i simply will not sleep for days.
Medication suggestions?