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This anxiety & fear of HIV is ruining my life!

Let me get straight to the point, please hear me out.

I have never had sex, used dirty needles, or anything else which people usually get HIV from.

I am a very socially isolated person, with few friends. I also suffer from immense social anxiety and paranoia. Over the past year or so I have posted certain opinions and views  on various forums whether they be political, religous or social, which  some people or groups may find offensive, and if they were to find out who I am or where I live, may want to do me harm. I posted them mostly anonymsly, in some cases maybe I let other users know my email and city, but never my address, phone numbers, or any other personal information.

Just after December, maybe the 10th-15th, me and my mother both fell ill with flu like symptoms which could easily be HIV ARS  symptoms but then could be anything else for that matter, hers differed from mine, where mine was mostly flu and headache, nauseua and fatigue, hers was coughing, sore throat etc. Both our flu lasted approx 5 days - 1 week and wore off mostly before Christmas. She is still suffering from a cough, and I am still suffering constant headaches & fatigue to this day, we have both suffered a little weight loss. I dont think we've yet to fully recover.

This is where my paranoia starts..  I was watching a random YouTube video of a clip from a movie where a character line is "WRONG!"

Maybe a couple days later I was browsing one of the many forums I like to go on, and I posted a comment  which I recieved negative reputation from another user with a note just saying 'WRONG!', I do not know who the user was, it freaked me out. Did someone know what I was watching? if they did they must know where Iive.

This is where it gets weird,  I rewatched the video around a week later and  in the comments I  noticed someone twisted the phrase to somehow include something about HIV (for no reason), I searched his channel and could find no evidence to anything, I've asked him about the comment but he is ignoring me. Coincidence?

I am beginning to think someone got access to my house and injected me and my mother with HIV in the night, I know it seems insane, I am going for a test in early march to test for HIV, if it turns out its positive, what if my actions have destroyed both our lives, I could not bear it. I cant even imagine the guilt that will come with it, I think I would kill myself.
1 Responses
345079 tn?1299206076
I think you should talk to your mom and your doctor. Your fears are very strong and if you feel they are bad enough that you would kill yourself you need to get help. It is very common for people to have health anxiety and worry about different illnesses and diseases even if there is no cause for them. However you are also seem very paranoid about other irrational things. Please talk to your mom and have her take you to your doctor.
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