Dealing with a panic/anxiety disorder has become very difficult, to much to handle.

[Jazz1208]

I have had anxiety for a long time. I'm only 16, I got it when I was 14. Of course, it didn't just suddenly happen, problems in my family became to much to handle. I held it in for to long and my stress came out in a panic disorder. Yeah, I've seen psychologist ( even before I had this problem my mom took me just to make sure I was ok), I was on medication for a year and a couple of months, including ativans to calm myself down If it becomes to much to much to handle. I wasn't going to my classes at school. I would stay downstairs and be with the social worker. I would get my homework and do it there. As much as people tried to push me, I was not ready. After x-mas of sec 4, I decided that I was getting my life back together. I stopped my pills that summer, I handled my anixety attacks with support of my family, but mostly myself. I was scared, but it was a really good learning experinece because everytime I have one now and think i'm dying of a heart attack, I remind myself that All the others times i got through them ok. Things are difficult still. This year ( SEC 5)  I really came a long way. I was on the honor roll 2 terms this year and Have been going to class.
Here's the thing. I still have panic problems. There are some stuff that I have a hard time dealing with. I think I miss atleast one ay of school a week because it becomes to much to handle.
When I have anixety, every dream and every hope I think I could conquer, goes down the drain because I feel so lost and not capable of dealing with anything anymore. Whats hard, is that I go from such a high to a low. It's a sudden change that makes me feel werid and different. I want anxiety to go away, and yet, how do i live life without it?
sure, I have come a long way, but some things just get to difficult for me to handle, and I need a break, but I never seem to be able to get one. How do you always keep on fighting without letting yourself give up for 2 seconds!?

[Jazz1208]

Thanks for answering I really appreciate it :)
um, no I think that i'm going to stay away from the pills because I really believe that I could do with out it. I have a hard time picturing myself on pills again. I can't help but think I am so young, you know? But although, for those out there who are on them, please don't take my opinion wrongly, I was on them for a year and it did help me, I think I wouldn't maybe be where I am today without that bit if support it gave me.,

Thanks again
:)

[md135]

hi jazz,
Well, they're some very hard questions to answer, to be honest in i think if anxiety is very ingrained in your life and been there a long time it is very hard to live without it again, its part of who you are, you have to learn to live with it and control it, life is always stressful at times, but you have to learn not to give up, cos there is those good times to and your family and friends that are worth having, school more than anything is hard to handle, i no i had a tough time there, but, we are all human, we make mistakes and everyone is the same, we all hurt, we all have problems and we all want to be happy and carefree, you will get there, your still young and life will throw you some great things in the future! so don't give up, but if you do, its ok, your only human, you can stop for 2 seconds and let yourself feel bad, but then get back up and try again, im sure you have family or someone who is there for you and can guide you, if not, maybe get a therapist or see a counselor at your school for help and someone to talk with. and as far as the pills go, maybe you were on something to strong, if you feel so bad and it is so hard you need to find help in something, maybe a very mild ssri would help you improve your mood? just remember it will be ok, panic and anxiety can't hurt you, in time with the right help you will make it..