anxeity and guilt

[hm17cs]

Hello.

2 Weeks ago i made a terrible mistake, i had a sexual encounter with a prostitute. Im in a relationship. Im so ashamed of what ive done, my concern and anxiety is that ive contracted hiv. Ive been told on this and other forums that it carries NO RISK but i cant except it. Im going to get tested soon and havnt slept with my partner since. I feel like because ive lied i deserve to catch it. Although ive had so much reassurance im convinced i have it. Im so scared, i know its my own fault but i feel so sick the fact ive lied. I know that doesnt justify my actions but i cant take the fear away. I cant eat properly, sleep properly, im constantly thinking about being told ive got hiv. All for the sake of a quick thrill??? I hate myself

[bloodq]

Hy there ,, if you cant waint for the test the best way to go is , try finding the girl you had sex with and just ask her , maybe she knows for shure that she dosnt have it , nad if you love your girlfriend tell her if you just like her keep it for your self ,,  G luck

[MysticSoul9]

I seem to recall it takes a few months for the test to be accurate. I have done things like this and suffered for a long time not knowing
It is usually when I am in pain that I let down my guard and want a feel good

Then I feel WAY worse

[Redfury02]

You need to get tested bc nowdays you want trust anyone. The health dept does them free. Also it can take years before hiv shows up in your blood. So you have to test once a year but if the Dr. Finds it early they can reverse it so you wont have it.

[hm17cs]

I hope not, loads on the hiv forum are in the same position as me or have been, still cant seem to take assurance from it

[applezion]

Trust me,u cnt have hiv!put ur trust in God n he wil perfect all that concerns you

[edgyboy]

I sent you a private message a little while ago. anyway, I am sure you will not have HIV However, if I were in your situation I'd be worrying about the same things.

I once was with a woman years ago (I was single at the time) and for some reason I thought she had HIV. No one said anything to me, I just had it in my mind. I worried for weeks about and really never went to get checked. well it 25 years later and nothing happened.

I brought on all that worry over nothing. I know your case is a little different in that it was a prostitute but it was the same line of thinking. And you should know better next time not to sleep with a prostitute. the chance are something happenning are too great.

God Bless

[hm17cs]

Im 30. I see what you mean. Its like i know when i go for the test there going to say positive?? Or you think thats just the anxeity talking?. I doubt experts and doctors on the forum for hiv would say i dont need a test if i didnt but i think imgoing to be the exception. Again i know im probably being irrational but the what ifs are causing me major worry. Wish i could move on. I cant remember not thinking about hiv :-(

[edgyboy]

How old are you? Some people have the tendency to go off course. Sex and good times can be addictive. Its no different than anything else. I love my wife and kids dearly and yet I can honestly say I am attracked to other women to the point that I feel lustfull.

With this in mind, I am vegellant over where I go and the company I keep. It is just too tempting for me. I have spoke to my wife about this. she appreciates my loyalty to her but doesnt understand why I would be attracked to other women. I guess she has a point. i dont think I would like hearing she is attracted to other men.

Anyway, again, we are human and subjected to temptation. even now thinking about it, there are women I know that excite me to the point of anxiety lol. If I acted on my desires I know I would fall into a funk of depression/anxiety over it. Once you make the move, there is no going back and changing what you did. Keep that in mind my friend.

[hm17cs]

I am very anxious, i said id never cheat on her an look what i did. The feeling ive got hiv im hoping is just because im so worried about it, and ive been on the net non stop, which ive been told makes you worse. How much shame would that put on my family and my kids if i contracted something like that, ive not been having sex with my partner as i dont want to pass it onto her, more lies. Thanks for reply

[edgyboy]

First of all we are all human. The cheap quick thrill you had could get to anyone. We all make mistakes in life. The trick is not to repeat mistakes and even that is hard.

As for your HIV concern, have the test done just for peace of mind. You also sound like you are anxious whcih can make really blow things out of proportion.

[hm17cs]

I wish i could. Its getting easier, but cant see past not having hiv coz ive worried so much, teak is one of the moderators on the hiv forum and he really has excellent knowledge on the subject. He told me no risk, im so frustrated and annoyed that i cant believe what im told coz he wouldnt tell me that if he wasnt sure. Maybe its depression i dont know, i need help an think ill have to see my doctor. Thank you for your reply

[allmymarbles]

Why do people say "no risk"?  Is there some information you have omitted? Presuming you have not contracted anything, then the best thing you can do is put the episode behind you. None of us are perfect. Welcome to the club.