Some questions

[MSA12345]

Hi all thanks for helping me

Let me first introduce myself
20 years old
male
going to university this year
suffering from anxiety and ocd and also paranoia in high stressful situations since i was younger but got worse over time
parents have had a lot of conflicts all the time over the smallest things
my father has a illness
extremely worried for hiv after a risk and symptoms but tested negative so most experts would say i dont have hiv

what have i tried so far
visit psychologist
talked a lot with my family my mother in particular
paid a lot of attention to it

triggers of my ocd etc
high school exams
health of family
my own health since the hiv risk and fear but before that i was not afraid of that
other things
valerian tablets didnt work

ocd habbits
checking the door a lot when i was younger but now i dont check it anymore but instead close is 1 3 5 or 10 times same with the lights etc
doing stuff in 1 3 5 10 sequels
some kind of counting in my head
when i eat 3 sliced of bread in the morning i will eat 2 or 7 in the evening but this only happens when i have extreme stress such as with the hiv

other feelings
i feel extremely decentralized from this earth
have major mood swings
i am left wing when i am super depressed but somehow less left wing for example when i am not depressed
i try to think rational but it is not possible anymore
ocd sometimes goes away but is always hiding to come up
sometimes i would not care if i die but extremely worried when my health is in real danger at the same time
i dont feel like i belong somewhere because i feel so different and decentralized i do have friends and family i dont talk to my friends about this though only some other friends
i dont feel real
i feel really weird when thinking about my past
everything i do seems like i stage it
sometimes i have awful thoughts and for example about laughing at my brothers decisions i dont know what and thinking what a idiot even though i really dont mean that or something but it just pops up i dont know why



i have no idea what to do
i tried the psychologist but it really doesnt work because when i am there i still feel like i all act it and feel really decentralized when i am there
i mean the guy is great i think and he is good in what hes doing but somehow im not receiving it

im hopeless
i want to live normal

thank you so much

[cadyj93]

i am 14 weeks pregnant i suffer from anxiety i have.been having headaches( right side n forehead n top of head),head pressure,weird tingling,n feels like head shaking,and some jaw pain,swollen gums but don't hurt is this anxiety i have been told anxiety can get worse while being pregnant

[cadyj93]

i am 14 weeks pregnant i suffer from anxiety i have.been having headaches( right side n forehead n top of head),head pressure,weird tingling,n feels like head shaking,and some jaw pain,swollen gums but don't hurt is this anxiety i have been told anxiety can get worse while being pregnant

[nursegirl6572]

You need to seek professional help.

You can find anything on the internet, stop searching.

Get yourself some help, or else this will all continue.

[MSA12345]

Just wanted to post it maybe to relief something again. I dont know I try not to get in the flow again where I was last time but Im heading towards it. So try to avoid that. Im so sorry. Thanks.

[MSA12345]

Its me again

Hope you are all doing well yourself.

Im doing terrible.

I started college its okay however still have a lot of complaints such as the throat. Few weeks ago my throat got terrible, it hurted so much and it was all red and irritated. Took a bunch of painkillers so I could swallow. Also have gotten a lot of white spots on my skin with sometimes a red dot in the inside.

Every morning I wake up with a cold and sorish throat.

Wake up in the morning and be in bed in the midday.

Body is itching worse than ever before. Got a ton of headaches. And stining body pains.

Eating really healthy. I dont eat any sugars anymore and I do not eat any salt. Get a lot of vitamin C etc. Still get diahreaa.

My whole face is rashy and seems like a lot of bloodvessels are broken or something.

Lymphnodes still swollen.

Took some tests for lyme. Heliobacter but came back negative. Also my bloodcount has stayed the same.  

Started looking for hiv again at the internet very very very bad I know. Saw some articles with negative test even though people already were dying from hiv. I can link them if wanted they were from this century.

Asked another dr and she thought I was out of balance or something.  

I try talking a lot about it and it calms me down untill I get another complaint again. Was calmed down for example than I got such a stining pain in my bowels the other day combined with fever and I couldnt even walk from the pain.

Thanks

    

  

[Beersy5]

Hi...good luck.  This is a long journey.  I have been going through a lot of the samething in the past 4 years.  I dind myself completely unable yo concentrate now and just do not know what to do with myself.  So I understand completely what u r going through.  Best of luck

[nursegirl6572]

What's sad is, you think you're an exception, that only you "really" have something wrong with them, everyone else is just worrying needlessly.  I couldn't disagree more, and I'll tell you what you just wrote has been written here before in one form or another countless times.  We hear it pretty frequently, and in the same way.  "I just KNOW there is something wrong, the doctors just haven't found it yet".  Or, the old, "I've watched a TV show where a person had the same symptoms as me and they found out that guy had X, Y, or Z".  Sure there are freaky rare things in medicine.  Are they common?  Heck no!  

You have to think rationally and reasonably.  Look at the facts before you.  What are the chances that the doctors have missed an illness, after all your testing, labs, etc?  Pretty low.  What are the chances you have some rare disease?  Slim to none.  What are the chances that stress and anxiety are causing some of the "symptoms" you report?  Pretty good.

You don't HAVE to be anxious in the moment for stress and anxiety to affect you physically.  You can't say..."Oh!  But when I saw that rash, I wasn't nervous".  You've had chronic, persistent anxiety for a while now.  That WILL affect you.

Your thinking is backwards about anxiety treatment.  You can't "focus" on that, because you want to be focused on finding this mystery illness.  IF you addressed the anxiety and OCD, and if the symptoms were related, they would subside.  THEN, you have your answer.  What you're doing is just chasing your tail, and I sincerely hope that soon, you realize how detrimental that is to you.

I also sincerely hope that NONE of the worries you have would lead you to suicide.  There's nothing that would justify taking your own life.  If you at any point feel you are suicidal, you need to seek help asap.  That's the other thing...you're telling me on one hand you're not dedicated enough to seeking help for the OCD and anxiety, yet on the other hand, you have conditions set up for which you would commit suicide.  Kind of a contradiction, don't you think?

You can do more than more thing at a time, that's what's neat about being human, we can multi task.  You can continue to go to the doctors searching for an "illness" at the same time you seek professional help for your mental illness.  The more healthy you are emotionally, the healthier you will be physically.

I agree, there isn't much more I can tell you.  The choice is YOURS how you're going to proceed.  You know what I recommend.  Stop by and update us once in a while.  I wish you the best, and I hope you can find some kind of answer.

[MSA12345]

Hi

Dear nursegirls and others

''I'm a little unclear as to what exactly you would want to kill yourself over.  Finding out you DO have OCD or an anxiety disorder?  Or, finding out you have an actual illness? '' I would want to kill myself over the fact that if i now dont obey my ocd and that get for example hiv. Than I somewhat know ocd is really real and i can not live in a world like that.

The problem I have is different than others I feel
I had multiple significant risk and complaints which are real I am not panicking about a non excistent risk with complaints such as ''i feel a little bit dizzy or i have 2 pimples on my face'' but in my case it is ''
around the period where ars or any other body reaction to a bacteria or virus would start
I have tried eating healthier and tried not to focus much and also try not to focus to hard on the hiv part and test for other things as well
I know stressing can do a lot of things to a body
But a lot of my complaints are are not one of those tghings

I know something is wrong in my body, which is not caused phycological but caused by a virus or bacteria or parasite or whatever
I tested for a lot but the drs havent found anything strange in me at all

I mean look at all those people who went to the dr with complaints and spitting blood but no scan or test could find out what they have
And than a year later they have a tumor the size of a football

I really feel like something is wrong with me and I really CANNOT focus on manageging my ocd (with therapy etcetc) first because somehow I also feel the ocd keeps me alive mentally but also physically.
The best case for me now is to just find out whats wrong with me
Hopefully just a random  harmless virus or harmless parasite or something harmless like that  and than to focus  on getting the ocd and anxiety better on control

I would swear my life that something is wrong in my body given the risks i have had and the complaints i have been having ever since
Risks of everything:
Multiple jungle treks
Wounds while doing the jungle treck
Musquito bites or something a like during the jungle trek
Broken condom



But I know you can not really help me further with this
You have given the best help a human could ever give me with this particular issue and Im very grateful for that
The ball is in my hands now I know that

Thanks a lot again

[MSA12345]

Hi

I will reply later more specifically but im now in the last few minutes of my battery and im not at home

Ive no idea how its possible that I wrote extreme fever. I never had a fever maybe I meant extreme fever feeling. My apologies for that.
The highest temperature I meassured was 37.5 and that was around 1600 hours and in the morning it was 36.5 even when I had fever feeling.

Thank you very much for such a kind and useful post I will come back hopefully tonight.

[nursegirl6572]

Thanks for checking in.  I'm sorry to hear you're still not doing well.

I believe you have a bad sore throat.  Have you been checked for strep?  You have had an actual fever?  How high was it?  Anxiety and panic can cause the temp to rise a bit, but not cause an actual fever.  Most likely you had an actual illness, like strep throat.  You should have been seen by a doctor.

I'm a little unclear as to what exactly you would want to kill yourself over.  Finding out you DO have OCD or an anxiety disorder?  Or, finding out you have an actual illness?

I can tell you that a LOT of people suffer with these kinds of disorders, and with professional help, live life pretty normally.  I have panic disorder, and in the early days, when I was first diagnosed and hadn't really sought treatment, I was basically housebound.  

When I finally started taking it seriously and getting help and started working on it myself, things turned around.  I live just about as normal a life as anyone without panic.  Sure, I have times where anxiety is worse than others...but like I said, when you have something like OCD or panic disorder, you begin to understand and accept that it's usually a lifelong deal.  That doesn't mean you'll suffer like this for a lifetime...it just means there will be some ups and downs, but with the right help, you'll learn how to manage the "downs:".

PLENTY of people have anxiety and phobias as it relates to HIV.  My goodness.  Just read the HIV forum for 5 minutes.  People who think they are getting stabbed by needle from their FRIENDS, people who think they can get HIV from sitting on a toilet seat...it's endless.  You're FAR from alone in that.  I can tell you, factually, from a medical point of view...the tests don't lie.  Read this next part carefully....YOU DO NOT HAVE HIV.  I PROMISE YOU.  

You don't need to start the cycle of testing all over again...that's basically another "checking" compulsion, and a way to feed the anxiety.  What you NEED to do is resign yourself, once and for all...that you need to get some help.  Your anxiety is probably causing you to be run down, stressed, and that is no way to live, expecially when you're just starting college.  Do whatever you have to do to get well mentally, even if it means you have to take a semester off to address these issues.  They are NOT going to go away on their own.

What's happening is every time you get ill (and, it's that time of year...lots of stuff going around)...your irrational brain kicks in and automatically attributes ANY symptom to HIV.  WHY?  Because for one, you've over searched the web about HIV, and there is a lot of scary info out there.  So, every twinge you feel, your brain is saying "ITS HIV!!".  It's not.  I would bet my bank account on it.  I would accept blood from you today, for my children.

The sore throat/fever sounds like it may have been strep.  Any time you get a fever, you really should be going to the doctor, unless it's a low grade fever and you dont feel too horribly.

Time to crap or get off the pot, to put it straight.  You've done enough "thinking" about all of this...now it's time for action.  It sounds very much like you have OCD...and that requires help from a professional to get under control.  It's CERTAINLY not a sign of weakness, or a character flaw, or anything like that.  DEFINITELY NOTHING to take you life for!  My goodness!

Please...don't put it off.  Start the process and make an appt for yourself.  You need help.  You're allowing yourself to stay stuck in this cycle.  YOU have to help yourself, no one else can do that for you.

Let us know how you're doing.

[MSA12345]

Hi people

Thanks again for all the help
Unfortunately things are not going well at all

I tried avoiding sugars etc as much as possible because ive read its bad for anxiety etc

I decided to start university and just wait how the ocd and anxiety went from there. Maybe I just needed some distraction.
Bad things happened again after I went out for a couple of nights couple of weeks ago.
After that my lump in throat developped in a sore throat again with major headaches and extreme fever. This went away in a couple of days but than just got back 2 days ago in the morning. I woke up with extreme sore throat and I strat examining a bit and I think my lower tongue like the part that goes in my throat is really inflamed. Swallowing hurts so much this is the first time that swallowing hurts. Also lymphnodes etc are still swollen and the bone stinging pain has increased.

I feel like a mess again and ocd has come back. Not really in the small things which I kinda ignore but now in the bigger lines. I am noway capable of searching help for my anxiety and ocd while still having these symptoms.
I know for a fact that if I start doing the ocd forbidden things such as
going to a psychologist
going to a dr
testing again for maybe hiv

And somehow still have anything bad I will kill myself because than I somehow will get the confirmation that ocd is real and i can not live with that thought
the last months i always did my ocd while testing and the test results have come back good for me
i really think i will ignore ocd the next time anymore because im so physically tired of the symptoms but also the ocd and anxiety and so mentally tired of all of this and that the test will come back negative
i dont have the balls or guts or whatever to go testing again or find help and thus ignore the ocd

and just fwiw im really not exagerrating the sore throat or the headache i swear to god and all the other things. I can hardly swallow because it hurts so much for 2 days now and this is the first time this has happened since my first complaints i had headache in the beginning for a day and than a few weeks later again and now again.

Thank you all so much again

Best wishes

Me

[MSA12345]

Thank you for letting me know that
Somehow thought a little bit that with medicin therapy is not needed but i was wrong

[nursegirl6572]

Just want to clarify something.  For most of us with a chronic anxiety disorder, or something like OCD.....our battles are lifelong.  These disorders can be managed very well, but it is unlikely that the anxiety will just go away for good, even after therapy and meds.

This is why therapy is so valuable..it gives a person coping skills he/she can use for life, any time anxiety rears it's ugly head again, or OCD flares up, you will be eqipped and know how to handle it to get it back under control.

[MSA12345]

Thank you all so much for the kind words

Best wishes for now

M

[Morgan0785]

Hi, I had a panic attack 4 days ago my first it was terrfiying to say the least, i felt the same as you about meds but they are really helping for now and i have 3 children so trust me i know that all sorts of thoughts go through your mind about life long meds taking but i suggest first get rid of the immediate problem the anxiety and then after therapy the problem will cease to excist and then no need for meds, good luck with uni by the way,
God Bless Mate hope you beat it like i hopefully will

[MSA12345]

:)

[Nighthawk61]

Just wanted to check in and say hello. Congratulations on your choice to go to university this year!!! And best of luck with your treatment, son. Please let us know how you are doing. You don't ever have to be alone with these thoughts. God Bless you!!! Hugs. Liz

[MSA12345]

Hi

I somehow never thought about it like that

Thank you I will discuss it

Wish you all the best

Thanks

[nursegirl6572]

A lot of people feel the same way, but look at it like this...if you were suffering from diabetes or hypertension, would you even hesitate for a moment about the need to take medications?

It should be the same with something like this.  Your condition is affecting your quality of life, and essentially your overall well being.  Medications won't change "you"...you'll still be the same person, only with less anxiety.

Give it some thought.

[MSA12345]

Hi

Thank you so much again nursegirl6572

The only problem here is that im afraid to take medications for this problem because i feel i might have to take them for life and perhaps not be myself any more

however medication combined with therapy is probably the only solution for this

thanks

[nursegirl6572]

I'm no doctor, but it sounds like you could be dealing with OCD, or another anxiety disorder.  It also sounds like you could be experiencing derealization, and/or depersonalization, both common side effects of severe and/or chronic anxiety.  Do some searching on those two symptoms, I think you'll relate.

The best approach is to seek out a psychiatrist.  He/she can properly assess you, offer an accurate diagnosis, and then discuss treatment options.  

Common treatment approaches would be medication, to help control your symptoms, and therapy, to help you undo that anxious cycle of thinking, and help you control the compulsions (ie..."checking").  CBT, or cognitive behavioral therapy is very successful for those with OCD or anxiety disorders.

You can ask your family doctor for a referral to a psychiatrist.  Let us know how it goes!

[MSA12345]

also something else which is kinda weird i have had the last year
i have had 5 of these situations
i woke up in my sleep and i am cuncious but still talk about really weird things such as
asked a friend face to face where he was even though i was talking about him face to face
asked a friend where a friend was even though the friend was laying on the couch while i saw that
talked about stock exchange or something to my father

when this is happenings i know i am somewhat talking crap but it seems so      logical and true in my head and i try to explain stuff but i cant get to the words etc how i want to explain it even though it all sounds so clear in my head
the next day i know what happened that night and i remember everything of it

i know it sounds weird but i dont know how to explain it better

could there be a explanation for this

[MSA12345]

i also feel like i wasted a lot of time and its not worth to change anything
because of that

i also feel like when i dont have my
ocd
anxiety
paranoia
decentralized feeling
no discipline

when i dont have those things i think i would be a great  human being but i dont know

[MSA12345]

i wasnt even allowed to post this according to my ocd
but for example i have ocd and with hiv testing for example i feel like the ocd is some kind of test and when i ignore it i might just influence to a different result than when i obey the ocd thoughts

i also feel like i dont know myself and also feel decentralized from myself

im insecure and have destroyed my body i feel but just not eating a lot and this has caused my underweightness

i always have good plans to work on it but it never happened

@$$@#$@ :(