fear of dying

[crazycow]

Hello everyone,

I just thought I would ask you all whether you suffer with th same fears as me.

Ever since I was a young girl I have feard death, the prospect of my whole body switching off and facing eternal nothingness fills me with dread. I know people keep telling me that when your dead you wont know it, it will be like sleeping forever, but I just cant stop thinking about it, when will it happen and whats it going to feel like? Does anyone else suffer with this awfull fear?

I suffer with panic attacks and anxiety which bring on all sorts of physical symptoms, I will list some that I am struggling with at the moment -
neck/shoulder pain
flashing in my eyesight
headaches (almost every day)
scalp pain
back pain
sinus problems
pain in the jaw and around the ears
strange head sensations
some vertigo
short episodes where I feel like I cant swallow......................... the list is quite long, sorry :)

So all these symptoms are pretty scary, ive looked them up on the net (i know, big mistake) and it comes up with all kinds of horrible stuff, strokes, TIA's, anuerysm's........ which terrify me, its all I think about and im only 22! The doctor says he thinks im ok, I had a CT scan a year ago which came back normal, guess im just paranoid.

Please let me know if enyone else feels the same, I would really like to hear from you, thanks xx

[wondering1719]

hi it's wondering 1719, answering,

i don't know if i have cancer.  constant fatigue, many symptoms since january, many many tests, blood tests indicate cancer, pet scan indicates cancer, biopsy of one lymph node says not in that node, just an infection, but pet scan says nodes all over body--can't biopsy all of 'em.  keep waiting and waiting to find out what it is, where it is, if it is maybe not so bad after all.  why doesn't it go away or just show up?  you know how bad the waiting is.  i have to learn to go on.  i like what someone wrote, she said she didn't want people to say she literally worried herself to death!  i feel like i need to do something to make me live, i need to accept that even if i have cancer or will die soon from whatever, that's just life and i still need to live the best life i can right now, for my little boy if nothing else.

[SOFEDUP268]

I suffer with panic attacks and anxiety which bring on all sorts of physical symptoms, I will list some that I am struggling with at the moment -
neck/shoulder pain
flashing in my eyesight
headaches (almost every day)
scalp pain
back pain
sinus problems
pain in the jaw and around the ears
strange head sensations
some vertigo
short episodes where I feel like I cant swallow......................... the list is quite long, sorry :)


I have all of these,
someone menioned shaking,I call them little internal tremmors
cold feet and hands,omg yes,and I may even get hot too and still cold hands and feet

I started panic attacks and anxiety in 1989 when I was 26,it lasted for 1 year really bad,then took about 7 months more to get to feel like myself,and I was also pregnant and given birth at that time,

in 1996 it started again,after my mom died,finding out I had a goiler and lmps on it,thought I had cancer and 3 small kids

13 years later,still on the smae pills,I get waves of anxiety,so right now I am on a wave,even as I type ,I have the clock display so I can stop to check my pulse,
it started 3 days ago,waking up with rapid heat beat,but only because \i was worried of pain in my tummy for 3 days and I have had this pain before but only foods that give me gas,this time the pain has stayed,so of course I think my Aorta will erupt
thats the thinking of someone who has panic attacks

I do go on line looking for answers,I am the kind of person who needs to know,and also I arm myself with info to ask my doctor,I don't think I have all the deseases out there,
and with everything I look up,I may have 2 out of 10 symptoms,so this way I don't panic,but I do test my doctor,I use to see a shrink,he wasn't really what I expected,so I stopped seeing him,and started getting my clonazepam from my family doc

I don't like her and I don't talk to her about my anxiety,actually some visits,I would just like to smack her

13 years of the same med,I never took more then I was suppose to,actually for over 10 year I only took one a day when I was told to take 2 a day,but the last 3 months I have been taking the 2 pills a day

had to many things health wise happen and the waiting for results was the worst

I just think this was a bad year for me and now It finally caght up

please all of you get some Vitamin B complex,it helps

anxiety could go either way on wight lose or weight gain

I do believe in God,I know there is a heaven and like a few of you,still doesn't want to make me want to be there

someone else also said haven't found their purpose,I raised my kids,they are all adults now,2 have moved out and I would like to know my purpose also

when I am in panic as much as I fear death,I get upset with God,I say why do I have to go through this,but then I ask God to forgive me for feeling this way,and i know he does

sometimes i do say satan get off my back,I need to say what ever it takes to get me out of a mild panic attack,I feel anxious often,but I don't have  full blown panic attack often,maybe 5 all year,and thats great compared to years ago when I was in emerg almost every 3rd day

so even though its so hard when we go through it,at my age now and how long I have had it,it does seem a bit better,still scary though


wondering1719

you said looking for a cancer?did you have cancer,did they find it in blood work,or what you feel,you think it has to be cancer


when I first got this,when I was 26,2 young kid,pregnat wiht my 3rd

I thought I was gonna die

I even had mono,really bad UTI and sinus infection,mono lasted 8 weeks

on top all the panic,weird feeling in my body,pain,some days \i felt my vision was going bad,i was dizzy all the time,had a weight on my chest,felt I was always going to faint
inner body tremmors,bad dreams,couldn't sleep
only put on 2 lbs my whole pregnancy,Thank God my daughter was born over 7 lbs,I got even skinnier
felt a band around my head,cried often,but I think after my daughter was 2 months old,I looked at her and said you need me,I can't be like this,I started feeling better and even stopped my med


but it came back 7 years later and going 13 years,but not as bad...

Sorry I just chatted up a storm

[wondering1719]

so wonderful to hear your story of success with improvement.  i am so scared, my doc has been looking for a cancer in me for 6 months with no diagnosis yet but some real indicators.  i have a 2 year old boy who is so wonderful and so attached to me and i can't bear the thought of leaving him to grieve and grow up without me.  i can't take it.  it's so hard to think of other things and go on with life.  i have new symptoms all the time, some stress-related, some not, and end up at the docs several times a week to see if this might be the thing that's going to kill me.  meanwhile my husband is sick of my "hypochondria," and i'm not enjoying the life i should be having with my family because i'm so busy worrying about what i maybe should be doing to find a cure for what i have but i don't know what it is.  it is so awful.  how did you get to open up to faith?  i need to have faith, i need to move ahead, to live life, to trust god, but i don't know if i believe in god enough to do that.

thank you so much if anyone answers
wondering1719

[shelzmike]

Your comment is spot on with how I feel. I am a Christian, my family members are as well. I know that there is a God not just on a doctrinal level, but on a theological, philosophical, and scientific level as well (I am currently in a theology program, which I love, at Liberty University right now). However, though I know the end result and am fairly sure of my destination upon death - it is still scary, mainly because of my family. I do not want to leave my 3 young kids and wife here alone. I do know that God will provide for them, but I just do not want to be the cause of so much emotion and pain at such a young age. I have so much more to do and feel that I have not realized my purpose in God's will as it stands.

However, I realize that many people (including me) who have anxiety and panic disorder have a problem with not being in control, or had some sort of traumatic event (which is still based on control - something came up that you first realized that you really ultimately do not have control over certain aspects of your life). Whether we like to admit it or not, we are (for the most part) control-freaks. Now, when I first came to this conclusion, I thought that was ridiculous at first - I have always been an easy going "go with the flow" type of person and never like to make decisions like where to go out to eat, what car to buy, etc. I am just sort of like "whatever" with most things. However, when I have examined my thoughts and patterns of anxiety, I have come to the realization that I am not so much a "control-freak" but a lack-of-control freak. I think the difference is that in the above mentioned situations, I COULD have the control if I wanted it, but I choose not to (a form of control in and of itself); however, issues of health and death, there is only so much control we can have. This causes the anxiety and panic.

Anyhow, I still find it hard sometimes to turn my life completely over to God, though I know He is there and I know this is what I need to do. However, I go through times when I do completely surrender as I am supposed to - those are the times I am anxiety and panic free. However, during my down times where I try to take control back myself, I am in a constant state of panic and anxiety.

I will finish this post with a little ditty called Pascal's Wager, which some of you may have heard of, but for those who haven't it is a good starting point for faith-building (though as compared to all the other evidence of God's existence - uncaused-cause, immpossibility of something from nothing, and the laws/lawmaker relationship, this is relatively weak)

If you are a believer and Heaven does exist, you gain eternal life.
If you are a believe and Heaven does not exist, you lose nothing.

If you are a non-believer and Heaven does not exist, you lose nothing.
If you are a non-beleiver and Heaven does exist, you gain eternal damnation in the lake of fire.

Hmm, seems to me that odds are better and it makes sense to believe simply based on that. I mean, there is NO risk to being a believer, yet a non-believer risks eternal pain, suffering, thirst, damnation, anxiety, panic, etc.

Just my 2 cents - I wasn't trying to stir up anything on such a sensitive subject, just wanted to share my opinion.

Mike M.

[Laurallei]

babymamma1

I am happy to read your post and the strong faith that you have in God.  What helps ease my mind about the actual dying part and who we leave behind is the God is always in control.  No matter what happens, he will take care of us in our time of need as well as our family.  You are so right, we are not here by chance.  We all have our roles in life and God uses us to fullfill his will.

I am so glad that God is in control!

Be Well,
Laura

[babymamma1]

My problem is not that I don't have faith, or that I feel uncertain about what death is. In fact, I have complete faith and confidence that we will continue to live even after we die. I wanted to let crazycow know that there IS life after death. Our spirits will go to Heaven where we can live forever with God and our family and friends. We are not here on accident, God loves us, and he is always there for us, even in death. This does give me so much peace when I think about it.

However, we are only human. No matter how much faith I have, I still have anxiety and I still fear death because I fear leaving my family here. I just had a baby and I hate the thought of not being here to see him grow up, and leaving him and my husband alone. I also fear the uncertainty. Although I know that Heaven will be a wonderful, beautiful, peaceful place, I am still scared of the actual dying part. You don't know how or when or what it will be like - and that unknown is what is scary.

All you can do is pray to find peace and search for the answers you are looking for. It helps to know that God is there and that death isn't the end. I can't promise it will take away all the fear, but it will help. I wish you all the best!