fear of dying

[crazycow]

Hello everyone,

I just thought I would ask you all whether you suffer with th same fears as me.

Ever since I was a young girl I have feard death, the prospect of my whole body switching off and facing eternal nothingness fills me with dread. I know people keep telling me that when your dead you wont know it, it will be like sleeping forever, but I just cant stop thinking about it, when will it happen and whats it going to feel like? Does anyone else suffer with this awfull fear?

I suffer with panic attacks and anxiety which bring on all sorts of physical symptoms, I will list some that I am struggling with at the moment -
neck/shoulder pain
flashing in my eyesight
headaches (almost every day)
scalp pain
back pain
sinus problems
pain in the jaw and around the ears
strange head sensations
some vertigo
short episodes where I feel like I cant swallow......................... the list is quite long, sorry :)

So all these symptoms are pretty scary, ive looked them up on the net (i know, big mistake) and it comes up with all kinds of horrible stuff, strokes, TIA's, anuerysm's........ which terrify me, its all I think about and im only 22! The doctor says he thinks im ok, I had a CT scan a year ago which came back normal, guess im just paranoid.

Please let me know if enyone else feels the same, I would really like to hear from you, thanks xx

[Laurallei]

Dear Crazycow

Last November I began having panic attacks.  At first I did not know what was happening.  I then became afraid of dying.  I went a whole week with out sleeping for fear that I would die in my sleep. I had many of the same symptoms you and the others have had.  I literally thought I was going crazy.  My boyfriend took me to the emergency because I was so slepep deprived.  That is when I got my first shot of Ativan.  I came home slept for 8 hours or so and then was back feeling the same way after the Ativan wore off. This went on for a few more days,  I then contacted my family cousler that I hadn't seen in ages and started seeing her again.  Once I started seeing her I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress.  I had taken care of my Grandfather for a few years and was with him when he passed.  At the time I thought that I could handle it and life went on for a year or so and then one day the fear of dying set in.  I ended up at the doctors office and have been on medication since.  The medication has helped a lot but so have my cousling sessions.  Death has been a big part of my life.  When my Grandfather died not only was I mourning for him but for the mother I lost to Cancer at the age of 12 as well as my other Grandparents.  You know reading your post actually makes me feel better to know that there are others out there who share the same fears as I.  Death is a part of life and as easy as that is to say, it is so hard to look it in the face.  

What's on the other side....

As I began working with my counsler I began to ask this as well.  Now I know this is a touchy subject so I am only going to share my personal experience with you. Good Friday this year was my first day back to church since I was a child.  My cousin invited me and I decided to go.  I cried through the whole service and the many services after that.  I went back to my counsler and one of the duties she gave me was to start a journal.  She indicated that she could see that I was soul searching and thought this would help.  I began writing letters to anxiety, fear, death you name it.  My heart poured out. But it wasn't until I started (and still do) writing letters to God that I knew what was happening. God was shaking me up!  I needed to make some changes in my life and I did.  To this day I go to church every Sunday and have been re dedicated as well as baptized.  I believe there is a God and I believe that when you die you just don't die.  Knowing this now eases my mind.  I have put my life in God's hands and he has directed me to the wonderful people who are helping me with my anxiety and my fears.  I have learned that I am not in control of everything and I have learned to as they say "let go and let God" :)  No my fears have not fully gone away but I continue to take my meds and see my counsler.  Every day I am growing in faith and am learning how to deal with my anxiety.

I hope that I have not offended anyone. This is simply my experience and I am sharing other view point.  Just knowing that when it is my time, Christ will come for me and the thought of being with my loved ones soothes my mind.

I hope that you will find ways to comfort yourself whatever that may be.

Be Well,
Laura

[LoganLehman]

I walk around checking my pulse as well, haha. I try to laugh at it, but its hard. I can't think straight, i have loss of appetite, and its just terrible. Do you know if anxiety causes cold feet as well? even if its like room temperature?

[Skelly88]

I do the same thing, i'm always checking my pulse, worrying about my heart, thinking i'm having a heart attack, i have a terrible fear of death, i think all that just comes along withthe anxiety, ya know? and it *****, dont worry, you have so many people here that experience te same things you do. you're not alone. promise.

[morbidlyeuphoric]

I'm the same way...just reading that you do the same thing I do is calming for me:)

As for the whole giving/taking advice, i'm right there with you. I can give it, but I'm terrible at taking it. I really don't know why. Even if a person later tells me the advice I gave them worked out great for them, I still can't listen to myself. But then, they probably couldn't listen to themselves either. Otherwise, why get advice? I think we all need that little push from other people to help ourselves out.

[peaceinknowing]

Yeah, I have to feel my heart rate all the time just because of that. Thinking that my heart is pounding like it's never done before... But then when I check it, it's okay other than a littla racey from me getting it up to where it is from worrying a little. I also find it weird how calm I am when I read through what other people have to say and then help them, yet I can't do it for myself. It's almost as though I have to have someone else reassure me that what I am thinking isn't really happening.

[morbidlyeuphoric]

I'm almost the opposite of you. If I could get it together and stop being so ambivalent towards religion, it might not be so bad. If you're interested in spirituality, there's all kinds of things you can read that are super interesting. Skelly88 might be a better person to ask about that though:) He knows more about it than I do.

But I also hate the idea of nothing. So maybe I also ambivalent. Death is just one of those tricky subjects that you can talk about until the day you die w/o ever resolving it. Although, I will say, being in the health field, I've seen a lot of death. And a lot of my patients who were scared of dying, by the end they were totally at peace with it, they knew it was their time and they were ready to go. I asked one of them how they knew one time, and she said honey, honey, you'll never know until you get here, and you'll never be at peace with it if you're one of them people who's scared of it. Not until it's your time. Then you'll be okay.  That's of course assuming I die of old age....