fear of people.

[ashebs]

im not sure this is the right place for this question.
im 22 yr old female and for as long as i can remember i find it extremely difficult to talk to people face to face or on the phone, i can talk to people if it only requires typing.
when i get in to one of these situations i feel very anxious and sometimes feel like crying running and vomiting i have to force myself to make conversation with my partner and family. it is not easy for me to talk to a doctor about this either as they are people i normally get my partner to talk for me.
i dont even talk with my children age'd 4 yrs and 2 yrs nor do i talk to my step kids 11 and 6 yrs old and this is causing huge problems in out family life.
i need help and ideas on how to over come this fear.
im afraid of confrontation and i cant stand to look at peoples faces.
what is wrong with me.

[Julie359]

Hey, wow you seem to be the first person i have come across who has a silmiar illness as i do!  I guess since i was little i have suffered from social phobia, always withdrawn and quiet.  When i was 19 i had a severe breakdown and developed panic attacks and depression which made me both agoraphobic and severely socially phobic.  Although i know exactly why i fear people, i have had more than my fair share of abuse both from mum, the people who brought me up and boyfriends.  I think deep down now i don't fear just people but i fear and totally mistrust my judgement to make a good decision on people.  i have thought someone was really nice only for them to be a wolf in sheeps clothing.  I too dont let people into my house and when i do i feel very anxious most of the time and don't feel like i have total control over being able to ask them to leave when and if i want them to, so i tend to avoid situations where people come into my personal space.  I also live in a rough neighbourhood where fights and police are a regular pass time on myt street, so i only really go out if i have to.  Kids are rude and have NO respect for adults and even the adults are just as bad.  So i feel like both myself and my 3 kids are dammed if we do and dammed if we dont......

I also find it hard some times being around my children when i feel very anxious, i feel so vunerable and on display and people being people judge someone sooooooooo dam quickly (not my kids) if you show any difference or strangeness about you.  If your quiet they want to know why or if you say something they dont like it causes confrontation.

So i totally understand how u feel, i have had therapy called CBT, (cognitive behavioural therapy)  I was shown how to build up my assertiveness and to build confidence.  This has helped a little and now i feel a bit more stronger in facing people as i know how to act and what i can say to not come across like a doofus.  I would highly recommend it.
Also if your Lisp is causing you a great deal of trouble maybe you could ask for speach therapy to totally correct it so even when ur tired etc it doesnt appear.  

I have found that having therapy opens your eyes to things you didnt even realise that was there and often i would sit back in amazement at the things i actaully discovered about myself, so now these discoveries have made me a far stronger person and i understand fully now why i am like this..... and the biggest thing of all is now i am not ASHAMED of being like this. I will tell people from the start what illness i have and if they don't accept it then they anit worth being in my life anyway.  So the people who are are worth their weight in gold.

I would like to chat further if thats ok with you, so if so personal message me and i'll be only too happy to help!

[mammo]

I think your childhood lisp has a lot to do with it.  You can work through this on your own, but it takes some time.  People don't care how you speak, and if you use the wrong word, don't worry about it, none of us are perfect!  Be the first to laugh at yourself, it puts others at ease.  A telemarketer is a good one to start with.  When one calls, YOU control the converstaion, by asking them why they are calling you, etc.  You will never meet this person and it allows you the opportunity to just say what you are thinking.  Be polite, always be polite, it shows you respect others and yourself.  Normally when you would just say "hi" to someone, and an "how are you to it," and go from there.  Facing our fears is the best way to get over them.  The more you practice small talk, the easier it will get, I promise!  If you only knew how many people struggle with this same thing but have managed to fake it, you'd feel on top of the world!  I will find the angriest looking person when standing in line to check out and strike up a conversation with them.  It never ceases to amaze me that at first they are surprised, but then they appear happy to talk!  I started doing this a long time ago because I realized that there are a lot of people walking past me who are sad, lonely, hurting, scared, and to give them a smile and a hello can make their day.  It may make a lonely person feel like someone noticed them, well you get the picture. Sometimes you may not get anything in return and that's okay, it doesn't mean you didn't make their day.  Take baby steps, between the medication and your desire to overcome this, you are going to do great! Good luck!

[ashebs]

thank you, thing is im confident in every aspect of me i love how i look feel confident in everyday life but when asked a question i will only reply in one to two words i can have a conversation if its about things i know but i cant talk to doctors i cant talk to telemarketers or electricity people on the phone i dont like people in my house, i feel over whelmed by people at the supermarkets or even people who are walking passed if im out side.
this is very embarrassing to me as i feel stupid for being scared of people. i have no friends no social life and i never leave the house with out my partner.
the thing is im not even sure why im scared of them.
i think im going to upset them and do something to make them fear me.
i also worry about how i talk words i use.
could this be from my child hood? i had a sever lisp when i was little i couldnt talk until i was 4yrs old because of it and still lisp when im relaxed tired or angry.

[mammo]

I agree! You need to see apsychiatrist for an evalaution and go from there.  There is help for you, so make sure you get it so you can get your life back and your children can get their mother back. Have your husband go with you and take a note pad and pen with you to ask and respond to questions.  Don't let this go on.  I do wish you all the best and take care.

[gofio]

Clearly your confidence need some back up. There's help available if you ask for it from a qualified medical practitioner. Whatever the cause of your problems, they can be put right with the help you'll receive when you've asked for it. Best wishes, George