Aa
friends using my phobia for her own ends!?
So heres the story.
I have aggoraphobia and panic attacks, all my friends know this, and most are supportive and understanding. But today one fo them crossed the damn line and im so angry, im trying to figure out what to say to her without coming off like an ***.
What happened, was we went to a store and she got a game, we brought it to my house she tried it on my xbox and it worked fine, then she went home and tried it on her xbox(which is better than mine) and it refused to work.
so she called me asking for help, i gave her soem ideas, like cleaning the disk, checking and seeing if any other games were having the same problem ect ect.
then i said well, just take the game back and exchange it.
She who lives one minute from the store was like, oh are you coming?
i said, why dont you just go do it real quick and she actually said.....
"You dont go anywhere alone, why the **** should i?"
i was speechless...
she knows i have aggoraphobia and am actually unable at this point in time to go anywhere alone, in fract she makes a point of bragging that she knows all about my condition and how she can take me places because i know if i have to leave, it means NOW!
the tone of voice she said it on was bitchy also and im just so very angry rigth now... so what should i say? i have to talk to her about it cause im getting angrier by the minute.
it may not seem like a big thing... but it really was.
I have aggoraphobia and panic attacks, all my friends know this, and most are supportive and understanding. But today one fo them crossed the damn line and im so angry, im trying to figure out what to say to her without coming off like an ***.
What happened, was we went to a store and she got a game, we brought it to my house she tried it on my xbox and it worked fine, then she went home and tried it on her xbox(which is better than mine) and it refused to work.
so she called me asking for help, i gave her soem ideas, like cleaning the disk, checking and seeing if any other games were having the same problem ect ect.
then i said well, just take the game back and exchange it.
She who lives one minute from the store was like, oh are you coming?
i said, why dont you just go do it real quick and she actually said.....
"You dont go anywhere alone, why the **** should i?"
i was speechless...
she knows i have aggoraphobia and am actually unable at this point in time to go anywhere alone, in fract she makes a point of bragging that she knows all about my condition and how she can take me places because i know if i have to leave, it means NOW!
the tone of voice she said it on was bitchy also and im just so very angry rigth now... so what should i say? i have to talk to her about it cause im getting angrier by the minute.
it may not seem like a big thing... but it really was.
Thanx Lonewolf.
Shadowserpent, 'frustrated' I totally get. I think they have my picture under the word 'frustrated' in the new dictionary now. LOL
Some people just don't/won't/can't or even are willing to try to be "compassionate" about something they have no idea about. I did the thing you said about 'not having the time for her next time' and I got told I was being selfish.
'They' are busy...'We' are selfish. No win situation with us is there?
Shadowserpent, 'frustrated' I totally get. I think they have my picture under the word 'frustrated' in the new dictionary now. LOL
Some people just don't/won't/can't or even are willing to try to be "compassionate" about something they have no idea about. I did the thing you said about 'not having the time for her next time' and I got told I was being selfish.
'They' are busy...'We' are selfish. No win situation with us is there?
llm2000
The anger comment wasn't directed at you - you didn't "drop the ball" at all = )
shadowserpent - I really, honestly know what you mean. I can't say it more clearly than that.
The anger comment wasn't directed at you - you didn't "drop the ball" at all = )
shadowserpent - I really, honestly know what you mean. I can't say it more clearly than that.
thanks for all the help... its been like 3 days and i still havent said anything, but thats because shes continuing to anger me!
she expects me to drop whatever im doing at the drop of a hat and help her, and i always do... but today something important came up and i needed a measly 10 minutes of her time, and she told me she didnt have the time...she actually did and plenty of it... pretty sure im just gonna tell her I dont have the time next time she asks me for help! lol!
i keep forgetting to mention im 27 and shes 19, and immature despite being a mother... i take alot of what she does and ignore it due to her immaturity level, but sometimes she needs a lesson in manners and i happily give her a big hormonal pregnant woman dose! thats another reason i waiteed..... im pregnant and want to make sure my hormones arent gonna start something bad between us...
thanks for all the advice, i agree i need to talk to her or the angriness(which has simmered down quite a bit) will build and explode. its not the anger so much as teh frustration that gets me. i know unless you have panic attacks and the like that its impossible to even conceive of such a thing, and so i try and see it from there percpective.
but i am dealing with it, and its as hard as climbing mt. everest on a daily basis, and sometimes some true simple understanding of my plight would go a long way!
she expects me to drop whatever im doing at the drop of a hat and help her, and i always do... but today something important came up and i needed a measly 10 minutes of her time, and she told me she didnt have the time...she actually did and plenty of it... pretty sure im just gonna tell her I dont have the time next time she asks me for help! lol!
i keep forgetting to mention im 27 and shes 19, and immature despite being a mother... i take alot of what she does and ignore it due to her immaturity level, but sometimes she needs a lesson in manners and i happily give her a big hormonal pregnant woman dose! thats another reason i waiteed..... im pregnant and want to make sure my hormones arent gonna start something bad between us...
thanks for all the advice, i agree i need to talk to her or the angriness(which has simmered down quite a bit) will build and explode. its not the anger so much as teh frustration that gets me. i know unless you have panic attacks and the like that its impossible to even conceive of such a thing, and so i try and see it from there percpective.
but i am dealing with it, and its as hard as climbing mt. everest on a daily basis, and sometimes some true simple understanding of my plight would go a long way!
Superb answer! Getting through the anger before you can let go of it. I dropped the ball on this one I think.
I simply don't have anger. People constantly tell me that they would be so angry if all that has happened to me were to happen to them or someone they love. I guess I'm lucky there, but you are right. For those that have anger (the word rage is scary to me - I feel really sad that you go through that!) I apologize if I came across as though it wasn't valid.
And, of course anger is an emotion. Speaking just about myself, I just think it's a wasted one. A lot of lives get ruined because of it, so that is where I was going with the relationship thing.
Thanks for the putting what a person that does have anger into perspective for me.
Kind regards
I simply don't have anger. People constantly tell me that they would be so angry if all that has happened to me were to happen to them or someone they love. I guess I'm lucky there, but you are right. For those that have anger (the word rage is scary to me - I feel really sad that you go through that!) I apologize if I came across as though it wasn't valid.
And, of course anger is an emotion. Speaking just about myself, I just think it's a wasted one. A lot of lives get ruined because of it, so that is where I was going with the relationship thing.
Thanks for the putting what a person that does have anger into perspective for me.
Kind regards
I know what being agoraphobic is like. There are a lot of different reasons why your friend might have made that comment (it would have hurt and angered me too). When you're ready you might want to ask her why she made such a comment. All I really know is that I would be angry and hurt too and IMHO I have to get through the anger before I can let go of it. Denying or suppressing anger just puts off what could turn into an "explosion" - like when you just blow up from frustration.
Most of us have our own ways of dealing with anger. I go in the shower and YELL!!!! I throw things - soft things and not at animate objects - anything to get the rage out. And there is a lot of rage sometimes. Anger is a legitimate emotion that should not be denied. Just like eating something rotten; I have to "get it out" and move along.
Most of us have our own ways of dealing with anger. I go in the shower and YELL!!!! I throw things - soft things and not at animate objects - anything to get the rage out. And there is a lot of rage sometimes. Anger is a legitimate emotion that should not be denied. Just like eating something rotten; I have to "get it out" and move along.
5 yr agoraphobic here and something I have learned that may help you is to remember that you cannot control the actions of others, only your re-actions to the situation. I am just learning this and implementing it recently due to someone telling me what I just told you. So, basically passing along some good advice?
Your anger only hurts you. It'll eat you up. Is it worth another relationship to be affected because your friend was insensitive and you chose to get angry with them about it? No.
So, yeah, tell your friend and for sure let them know it isn't helpful when comments like that are made, and then leave it at that. Take the high road on this if you can, and please don't let anger be yet another thing to have to deal with. You've got your hands full already.
Kind regards.
Your anger only hurts you. It'll eat you up. Is it worth another relationship to be affected because your friend was insensitive and you chose to get angry with them about it? No.
So, yeah, tell your friend and for sure let them know it isn't helpful when comments like that are made, and then leave it at that. Take the high road on this if you can, and please don't let anger be yet another thing to have to deal with. You've got your hands full already.
Kind regards.
Look at what ELSE is going on in the relationship that might possibly present itself in her insensitive comments. Any clue there?
I have suffered with panic attacks for 15 years and all the counseling, medication and books I have purchased within the 15 years just masked the fear, never eliminated it for good. Now I am free of panic attacks and living the teenage life i missed out on over the past few years. Try this http://www.****.com/
hahahahah they blocked me from saying * * * * * but not pissed off lmao thats funny
Ugh it really ***** when friends say things they most likely don't mean to be offensive..but they ARE!!! I guess my advice would all depend on how long you have known this friend and how close of a relationship you have with her.
Best thing you can do for yourself is just don't let it make you any more angry. Try anyway. I know its hard when people say careless things and you end up hurt but making a huge deal out if will most likely end up hurting you even more.
She is clearly pissed off about the game not working. Just talk to her and say look, my phobia is not funny, and what you said really hurt my feelings. I guess where you go from there will all depend on what she has to say about it. But before you spend too much more time angry, sleep on it. See if you are still upset in the morning. This will also allow her to get over her game issue and you will get your point across a lot better if you are both in a better mood.
Good luck Hun
Crystal
Best thing you can do for yourself is just don't let it make you any more angry. Try anyway. I know its hard when people say careless things and you end up hurt but making a huge deal out if will most likely end up hurting you even more.
She is clearly pissed off about the game not working. Just talk to her and say look, my phobia is not funny, and what you said really hurt my feelings. I guess where you go from there will all depend on what she has to say about it. But before you spend too much more time angry, sleep on it. See if you are still upset in the morning. This will also allow her to get over her game issue and you will get your point across a lot better if you are both in a better mood.
Good luck Hun
Crystal
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Anxiety Community
Find out what can trigger a panic attack – and what to do if you have one.
A guide to 10 common phobias.
Take control of tension today.
These simple pick-me-ups squash stress.
Don’t let the winter chill send your smile into deep hibernation. Try these 10 mood-boosting tips to get your happy back
Want to wake up rested and refreshed?
