gephyrphobia (fear of bridges)

[udevilish]

I had a few anxiety attacks right before I finally divorced my ex husband, 6 yrs ago. He was abusive, physically, mentally and emotionally. My attacks stopped,  once I made up my mind that I was leaving. They have remained dormant forever, I forgot I ever had panic attacks. I always had them when I was driving on highways. Well in November of 2008 I finally stood up too him, and took cusotdy of my kids back. I began the panic attacks once again, when I was trying to cross a bridge I had crossed, hundreds if not thousands of times. Why did they begin again? I am so VERY ANGRY that he has any sort of control, in any manner, over me. I lecture myself, about how stupid it is too be scared to cross the bridge. i have to cross it at least once a week for my kids basketball games. I am afraid because I have my kids in the truck with me. My heart begins to pound out of my chest, the adrenaline pumps so fast and so hard that my legs and arms ache for 30 minutes after I get across. I am afraid I am going to pass out when I drive across it. I tell myself that if I feel like I am going to pass out, I can always stop on the bridge, yeah it isn't the ideal location but it is an option. I have read that you have to find the trigger, and my trigger was standing up to my ex, and telling him he had no control over me. Bang, these ignorant panic attacks started. There has to be a way to go back and "un-trigger" the trigger. Does anyone know how to do this? Is it even possible?

[RubyWitch]

Interesting story. I can certainly understand why you would experience anxiety and panic attacks while living with a horribly abusive husband. That they stopped when you took control of that situation and left tells me they was "situational axniety." Get rid of the source, get rid of the trigger and most likely, you get rid of the anxiety. But apparently you had to leave your children behind. As a mother, I can't even begin to imagine what that must have been like. Do I understand that your ex had them for 6 years? During that time, were you worried that he would become abusive to them? Was there ever any evidence that he had? Why did custody take six years? YOU were the one being abused, how did he end up with the kids? Lots of questions here, I know, but custody is "usually" awarded to the mother, especially if abuse is part of the equation. Is there some part of this story you have left out?
Jumping to the present, you now have your kids back and suddenly bridges bring on anxiety when they apparently never did before. It's my guess there is a connection, but I'm sorry to say, I can't begin to think what it is. I am certainly no psychiatrist, but I wonder if it's possible that crossing a bridge represents something in your mind about "crossing a scary bridge" in your life. I don't imagine it was an easy fight to get the kids back, and no doubt alot of old feelings, fears and anxieties were brought to the forefront again. You have told us how angry you are that he has any control over you......are you thinking about the control he had over you in the past? Or does he actually have some sort of control over you NOW? I can't help but go back to the question about why you were not awarded custody of the kids..............If there IS more to this story than you've told us, we really need to know so we can understand and help you.
My best advice would be to talk to your doctor about these feelings and perhaps get into some therapy to help you deal with the anxiety. There has to be a cause for it and until you figure out what that is, and deal with it, it's not going to magically go away.
Sounds like you've been through hell, but now you've got your kids back and things should be getting much better for you. Ask yourself why they aren't and if you can't answer that, get into therapy so you can. Another person can control us only if we let them.
Please stay in touch............write anytime you need some support or just to talk.
And know that whatever is going on is fixable.
Peace
Greenlydia