guilt over Strip Club addiction.

[michaelbay1983]

Hi Guys,

So I do not know if this is the right forum but I was directed here from the HIV forums.

See the thing is I do not have anxiety to say but more like guilt which is killing me. I've lost so many days of sleep have been depending a lot on Alchohol.

The incedent occured 3 weeks ago when I was drunk and went to a strip club. I had protected Oral and couple of dances with different girls. It was a serious mis-adventure like I've spend $600 that night alone and I blame all this on myself and really find it difficult to overcome the guilt.

I swear I would never do this again. But please can someone suggest me how I can forgive myself. I am not willing to say this to my wife. Please do not suggest this as an option.

Thanks in Advance.

[michaelbay1983]

Thanks Much Nursegirl and life360....I will try to follow your advice....
I have been loosing many nights thinking about the same episode again and again...I am just not cool....

I wish I could undo whatever's been done......I feel sick......

GOD Help me!!!

[nursegirl6572]

What you have to do, is get over it, put it behind you.  LEARN from your mistakes.  Of course you feel guilty, mainly because you now have a secret from your wife, and secrets can destroy relationships, IF you let them.  You also feel guilty because you were terribly irresponsible spending that much money on a night out.

I don't agree that you had to experience your masculinity by going to that club.  I just know, while there are plenty of med who are customers of those kinds of establishments, there are plenty that aren't...who fulfill their needs in ways that their wives wouldn't leave them for.  Being a married man, it's a moral dilemma.  

Having been a regular poster in the HIV forum now since 2008, I can tell you that a LOT of men have been where you are.  They do something they regret, they panic for months, even YEARS about diseases they THINK they could have, they deal with overwhelming amounts of guilt, knowing that their wives would be devastated.  Certainly, no amount of sexual pleasure is worth that kind of self-torture.  I just wish I had the opportunity to tell these men that BEFORE, rather than when they make their way to the HIV forum.

Learn from it, and let it go.  You do not have to tell your wife to do that.  That's up to you.  A lot of people get stuck in the anxiety and start convincing themselves they need to tell their wives to be able to move on.  They have a selfish motive for coming clean, to make themselves better...and many times, that ends the marriage.  If you ever DO consider telling her, decide that AFTER your anxiety is under control, so you know your decisions are based in facts and logic, rather than guilt and anxiety.

If you are still having a hard time letting go after a month or so, then seek some professional help.  Anxiety left untreated can really get out of hand.  You want to get help before that happens.  

Best of luck.

[Life360_Dave]

In todays society with ever changing morals we try to live up to social expectations. Sometimes we are courious and experiment with things. Strip clubs are legal so you did go to a legal place. You were feeling the need to experience your masculinity. The things that went on inside there is another issue but going to the club itself,  i dont think you should feel so quilty. Whats done is done and learn from what you have experienced. It was a learning experience.