no solution for me

[steven133]

hi my name is steven im 19 yrs old im a smart kid with a i hope promising future after my dad passed away oct 2006 ive been so scared of death or that my life is going to be cut short and im a very mature guy so basicly i looked for help im going to a shrink but i think to my self if my anxiety was about like not going out because of being scared or because i get panic attacks but my anxiety is about something that is going to happen sooner or later so i say tomy self i cant cure this and i dont whant to be on pills that will take me away from reality and im gettign so much more anxiety now that i have a wonderful girlfriend that loves me so much and i feel the same way about her all ithink is that im not going to be able to have a family with her because im going to die some one that has gone through something like this please tell me how can i stop thinking about death and im sick from a stomach parasite that i gought five months ago tarveling and i lost lots of wheight but i got hiv tests and all kinds of tests done and all came back negative just the parasite but my anxiety is so big i see thisparasite like a life threathing  illnes and i used to be such a tough kid nothing could break me down now i get stressed alot and i stoped weed because it would make me think all crazy types os sh&&*^ someone just please help me i dont whant to feel like this no more im even scared of going to sleep at night i only feel safe to go to sleep when the sun comes up im going crazy and im so young to be like this i dont even go out no more i have a whole month looking at walls im sick of this HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!

[Jennifer375]

Call me crazy,,, but sounds to me like you need an ego loss spiritual experince. But,, not to many psychologists or doctors would suggest or allow such a thing,, so about all you can do is research that one on your own and stay within the realms of what you feel comfortable be that investigating native american/shamanistic rites and rituals or learn some of the buddist breathing tequniques that allow an out of body exeperince (with years of practice) this post may not make alot of sense to you right now,, but if Im right, it will in the future.

*Holding space that your heart leads you to wholeness*

[steven133]

thanks mel when i wrote this post i was literraly having a panic attack it calms me down allot when i write here i love this forum people like you are very undertsanding and caring
and the breathing thing helped allot i when to sleep after wards but to tell you the truth i thinkmy problem is beyond a few panic attacks here and there i feel like im ina constant battle and argument withmy self all the time its like a looooooong black tunnel and you can see that little spot of light but you can quite get to it andno matter how much you run to it its just imposible to reach it yeahi feel like that i think to myself what is life really is it just growing up having a few laughs doing bad thing when your a teen then repent when you grow up have a family settle down and then what wait till its your day is this really alland money oh mygo money is such a drive in this worls its crazy money rules everything around me maybe thats why im unhappy to some times i wish i was just in a bad economic state maybe i would be happier or maybe i didnt have to worry about producing more or maybe wasting it yeahh im really scrrwed up and the funny thing is is sometimes when im like delusional and thinking all these stupid things sometimes i feel like my life means something its just weird you wouldnt understand ive seen shrinks scratch there heads at what i tell them..

[melmarv]

You're very young and have so much more life to experience.  I am little older then you, I'm 27 and death scares me a lot too.  My grandfather passed away when I was quite young, almost to young to understand.  I've also had quite a few acquataince friends that have passed away.  I can't say that I have experienced what you have though. Having someone in your immediate family pass away at your age, would be absolutely devastating and the most tragic experience.   You have to give yourself some credit; this is very normal for you to be thinking this way, with everything that you have experienced.  What you have to try to remember is that you are very young right now, and although there is know way to predict your future, you more then likely have a long time to live.  Your healthy, have a very loving girlfriend and probably many other people in your life that care a tremendous amount for you.  I would absolutely continue therapy.  Although you do not want to be on a medication, there are many other techniques that you can use to calm yourself down.  CaliGirl48 who is a member on here has some great techniques that she finds very helpful on her journal.  1. Being breathing. When you are experiencing anxiety it is very important to focus a lot of your attention on breathing techniques.   This will help you bring your thoughts back to a clam state.   I am so sorry for your loss and I hope everything works out.  Please use this forum for support as well.  Take care of you.  

Warm Regards,

M