mother seeking help 4 daughter

[29hilary45]

Hello
I had been looking for a member who posted a question a year ago, who has obviously moved on. She was looking for answers for her 18 year old daughter who she found out has extreme blushing. I have recently found out that my own very lovely daughter has been suffering from this, compounded by excessive sweating of the hands and feet. But it is the blushing up to five times a day which is causing such stress. I am feeling quite desperate for her. It seems to happen during fairly mild exertion such as walking up to college, or spontaneously. If she has to give a presentation she will sweat profusely, have a painfully strong heartbeat and be vivid red. I think it is a viscious circle of fearing she might be going red, hating the thought of people thinking she's weird and embarrassed at nothing and she just goes redder. She has been in tears about it for two days now and has not been into college. I need to find some help for her but at 18 (her age) we seem to be getting stuck in mother daughter conversations where if I offer some input she just responds with a kind of 'no that's not it, you don't understand' response.
Any insights very gratefully received
Hilary

[spade22]

Just to add - there are medical conditions that should be ruled out for  your daughters symptoms.  Yes, some of her symptoms could be from a viscous cycle she is in (worrying about it, which brings it on etc) BUT blushing when she undergoes mild exertion could signal something medical that needs addressing.  It would be a good idea for her to have a full medical examination as a first point of call.

[Jerzeegal]

JS is right  first of all your daughter needs to want to get help for the issue. Here is a little info regarding what "could" be happening.  

The excessive blushing can be caused by anxiety and stress ( our involuntary nervous system causes the excessive blush response)  If it's related to anxiety/stress some talk therapy could help.

In extreme cases some people have opted for surgery the disrupts the nerve that causes the excessive blushing.

If you want to learn more about what may be going on search using the term idiopathic craniofacial erythema  (that's a mouthful isn't it)

Hope this helps.

[JSGeare]

It is unclear to me whether you are looking for someone who was here a year ago, or are looking to help your kid.

So I'll assume it is all about the kid.

Of course she's not going to listen to you -what do YOU know, right? I note that YOU are feeling desparate FOR her. That in and of itself can present problems. You can't, of course, make your feelings for people you love disappear, of course not. But by the same token, we must guard against allowing our feelings to make the situation worse, because now, the victim has their own feelings PLUS ours, and now our judegment is clouded by our feelings as well. So, as much as you can, let your kid own the problem which is truly hers.

Now, until such time as she is ready to do anything about her situation, she isn't going to be ready, OK? OK. I think that as a concerned parent the best thing you can do at this point is to back OFF. Let her know you realize it is an issue shes faces and tell her you'll be glad to be of any help possible if and when she needs and wants it.

Then, find stuff to do together you enjoy. You might be surprised how something about the condition will just sort of jump out when she's in her comfort zone.

This isn't easy Mom -but did anyone tell you it would be? You are a loving, concerned, mommy. Now -get out of your kids way and hold on to your hat!