From HIV Forum to Anxiety Forum

[acountred]

Hi All,

While being away from home, i cheated on my wife.

The activities we engaged in are: (We always had our underwears on)

a] Naked cuddling, rubbing our bodies together vigorously .
b] Mouth kisses
c] Oral sex with condoms
d] Kissing each other all over the body, neck, ears with lots of saliva.
e] Unprotected handjobs

Basically, the fact is that have a very high sex drive and was not able to keep it in control.
Now, back home, i am just terrified thinking that i have put myself at risk for HIV.

My doc said i need to take an HIV test in 3 months whereas the HIV forum experienced members say i was NOT at risk at all and i dont need testing of any kind.

I am very anxious. I sincerely need your help. Request you to kindly help with it.

[toejam_muncher]

i only disagree with you because i meant exactly what i said. that means that for me, there was no nicer way of putting anything that i said. this person cheated with someone they knew had HIV. he posted this in the anxiety forum for our opinion. my opinion is that his anxiety is not related to any sort of anxiety disorder, but rather to the fact that he cheated on his wife with someone who has HIV and knowingly did so. more important, this puts his wife at risk for getting HIV as well. i can not pretend i'm not absolutely appalled by that.

so if my post is viewed as harsh, then i suppose that's a matter of opinion. that's exactly what this site is for, though. and on an issue like this, i don't see it as being unreasonable for an opinion such as my own to be conveyed. but by no means do i ever ask anyone else to agree with anything i say. everyone here is more than welcome to disagree with me. even so, i would still stand by my views and don't regret having represented them. not that it will have mattered anyway...but i'm sure you see what i mean.

[marcmega]

Dude get a test and get it over with... your freaking out because we lie and your lying to yourself... you did something more intimate than you want to lead on ...and your scared. Everyone knows that if you where a condom during sex especially oral it greatly reduces the chances of getting hiv ..was she a prostitute?...did she tell you she has hiv?....see your not telling us something. Was it a man you had these experiences with?See the plot thickens...just get a test and then go back to the hiv forum and say you guys were right otherwise youll be on here for the next year ...or dont get a test & go back to your wife and do like most of us do live in denial that youll never get it!!I dont know one woman that dates a new guy and ask him to take an hiv test before they have sex ....has anyone?If thats the case we all are at risk because everybodies having unprotected sex or has had it because once your dating someone exclusivly the glove comes off and women just start taking the pill really twisted!!

[theotterone]

My dad's favorite saying is "everyone is entitled to their own opinion, no matter how wrong they may be...."  I think we (and I know I could have) disagree with what he had done without being quite so harsh...

[toejam_muncher]

well, if what i said to you seemed judgemental, it's because it was...and is. i strongly  believe that there is no excuse for cheating...not even being a sex addict. i think it's fair that i've offered this view to you because i think it relates to the solution....or lack there of. what i mean is that if you were to imagine that if by sticking your finger into a light socket and turning on the power you could cause instant anxiety, then obviously it's something you wouldn't want to do. now, say for instance, i actually did this and then came to this forum and said i have anxiety, what do i do? i would assume everyone who would respond to my post would likely tell me that this is not an anxiety disorder, but rather the result of sticking your finger in the light socket and turning on the switch...what else did you expect to happen?

that is the reason i responded as i did. i thought i should make that clear. but i won't lie....i do have very strong opinions in regards to your actions and probably would have expressed them known anyway. you know i do believe in karma. i do believe we receive back all that we give out. i believe in living so that if all my actions were reversed on me, it wouldn't do me or anyone else harm. maybe you should try that. maybe if you lived that way, there would be no need for your anxiety in the first place.

[acountred]

Hi All, thank you for everything.

[theotterone]

John,

You have to admit, when you look at it, yeah, we can see it the way we do.  You are right about the judgemental part, but we are human too.

Realize that obessive thoughts (and rehashing things, I've been known to do it too!) are a normal part of anxiety.  And it is so hard, SO HARD to let it go, let time do it's thing and allow things to be until you know.  Have you looked into a sex addict's support group?  U an not diagnosising or judging, but maybe talking with other people who have the same issue would help.  You wouldn't believe how having other people who have been in similar situations can help with their expirences.

I will say here, I apologize for being harsh.  I know I was and really have no excuse.  How can I expect people to understand me if I am judgemental myself?  I have to say I have a strong reaction and MrGreen (so wise, isn't he?) makes really good points about that reaction, but I still apologize.

[leeisgettingclean]

This is good news, i am glad you were not put at risk, now you need to put your mind at ease, and move on with your life. I am glad your wife forgave you!!

[MrGreen]

I think the point you are missing is not they are been judge and jury. More that you posted a different version of your story on another forum. Conflicting details. That is the part they are all having a go at. Why most are not taking it serious. Because the story differed on the other forum. What you do with your life is your own doing. Nobody really cares about that aspect of things. The truth in a post is a good thing because there are others out there with real problems. So if your posts conflict from forum to forum they will not take you serious at all.

[acountred]

A very warm hello to everyone who has post$ed in here. Thank you all for putting in your thoughts.

I am not a bad person, as some of you have taken me for. It was just that i was lead astray. We, as human beings, are not perfect. Show me a single person in the world who had never committed a mistake.  A mistake, small or big, is a mistake. I dont mean to make the situation light by saying all this, I accept my mistakes whole heartedly.

I, sincerely, apologise for any of my remarks that may have hurt you here.
Please accept my sincere apologies.

To be very honest with you and myself, i had confessed it to my wife as soon as i returned from the trip. Though it was a tough time, she chose to forgive me. I am indebted to her. I dont mean to say that i have come out clean, heavy guilt is pretty much there and its getting worse day by day even though my wife is helping me with it.  The acts of cheating on my wife are weighing down heavily on me.

I met a specialist doctor who says that nothing i have did warrants an HIV test. He put me on a few other STD tests though.

I had come here with a view to getting help on managing my anxiety. I did not expect people to be so judgemental. Please pardon me for writing this. I know that you are all great people but couldnt help but get angry on my cheating act. I am so sorry for sharing myself here which helped increase my anxiety. I sincerely wish you could look into my heart and see how much remorseful i am. What is done is done. I cant undo it but will surely not be doing it anymore.

Thank you for everything.
Wish you only the best things in life.

-John

[leeisgettingclean]

  Maybe this guy should get a clue and quit running to all the forums  with diff sex stories, this is not for that. I 100% agree with the person that says he only wants to "brag about what he did". I am not saying cheating is the end of the world, however, if you have such guilt, tell your wife ( who, IMO if you are putting her at risk having sex with six sex workers on ONE trip, kinda deserves to know anyhow) , and if you make the very personnal decision not to tell her, atleast have enough respect to quit bragging about it.
  Anyways to answer the question( surely thats what you really want)If what you say here is true(however, how did you two do all that with underwear on?, Naked cuddling in clothes, tell me how you do that one, and if somehow you managed to do so, does wearing underwear during those activities make it any better or safer...humm) then i think you have little to 0 chance of HIV, if what you say on some other forums is true, then yeah you prob should go get tested.
But really, if you want to calm your fear, you need to be honest 100% with what it is your wanting out of your postings, the great thing about medhelp is their is a place for everything, you just have to figure out your porpuse for coming on here and find your forum.I am not calling you a bad person, but i think you are confused, and i know that there are people here that really need help, and it takes away from them if you are posting "untrue stories" here and there.

[MindPieces]

I personally don't think it's right to judge the guy just because he cheated. That's not going to help him. Maybe we should stick to the issues he's concerned about.

[theotterone]

As I was drifting off to sleep last night, I had a thought...

This guy just wants to keep going over his conquests!  He's getting OFF telling us all this.  Look at how many forums he's posted this stuff in!   But if he went somewhere "appropriate" for his talk, his wife would bust him!

[MrGreen]

How on earth do you know a hooker is HIV plus? When you swipe your credit card on her rear does it come back as HIV+ along with the price?

[sumihari]

I don't feel an ounce of sympathy for you personally after what you had done and agree  with greenlydia. But you should do an STD test to make sure you don't transmit anything to your wife.

If one of the females you had sex with was a confirmed HIV, wouldn't it still be a chance that one can get HIV through mouth kissing if let's say both had mouth ulcers or gum disease. I think the chances of this happening very slim, but theoretically isn't this possible? So why not get the HIV test now and 3 months later.

Also now there is evidence that oral sex can lead to mouth cancer. So your behaviour of straying is taking too many risk, creating anxiety and I feel sorry for your wife.
So probably go see a therapist and control your urges and don't stray.

[toejam_muncher]

a high sex drive is not an excuse to cheat. there's plenty faithful men who would know. the only excuse is your complete lack of self control and the fact that you truly don't care about your wife. thats where your problem starts.

what should you do? share this with your wife. she deserves to know. and if you've had sex with her, or intend to have sex with her between now and when you get your results back in 3 months, then you've as good as attempted murder on your wife. hopefully you've already shared this information with her. if not, i suggest you do or don't plan on having sex with her.

please don't make men in general look like pigs. take responsibility for what you did. i for one know how to control myself. personally i think you have the self control of a horny dog.

[nursegirl6572]

I am a regular poster in the HIV forum and can tell you that nothing you did placed you at risk for HIV.  You may, however want to have a standard STD panel, because there are risks for other STD'S.  

I do agree that you may want to seek some psychological help, especially to find out why you are straying.  High sex drive really is a pretty lame excuse, in my opinion.

[RubyWitch]

Just to double check my facts, I went to the HIV forum and found that this woman you wrote to us about WAS HIV+!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You bloody well knew this but went ahead anyway?

I also read that while on vacation you had sex with SIX sex workers!
You've apparently been spending time on the STD forum as well wondering WHAT ELSE you should be tested for.

I would strongly suggest an MRI to search for a fecking BRAIN!

Take your pee pee and go away.

Greenlydia The *****    

[RubyWitch]

My guess is that you've come to the Anxiety forum because Teak or Liz banned you because you kept asking the same questions over and over and over.....a big no-no on the HIV forum.

So...........you cheated on your wife. Cool move.

I have copied and pasted a couple of your comments here...................

  "Basically, the fact is that I have a very high sex drive and was not able to keep it in control"

Don't know how old you are, and high sex drive or not, you need to learn to keep it in your pants! It's landed you in a wee tight spot, hasn't it? If you're looking for sympathy, I can tell you exactly where to find it in the dictionary!

"Now, back home, i am just terrified thinking that i have put myself at risk for HIV"

And just what the HELL do you think you've done to your wife? I found it absolutely reprehensible that your one and only concern was for yourself. (It is with a MASSIVE amount of self-restraint that I leave it at that!)

If the folks on the HIV forum told you that you were not at risk, then you were NOT at risk.

If you continue to post here with anxiety issues related to your fears of HIV and your test, I'm sure you will get SOME sympathy and support, but as for ME, I will give you the same answer the HIV forum did.......that I know for a FACT they gave you......you are NOT HIV+

Get some psychological help. I seriously believe you need it.

Greenlydia

[MindPieces]

It is very, VERY unlikely that you contracted HIV from those activities. I'd say it's practically impossible. However, your worries and anxiety are very real. All you can do for the next few months is either put it out of your mind completely, or start believing the reality, which is that you do not have HIV.

I'd imagine that your guilt over cheating is probably playing a role in this as well, so you might want to talk to someone and open up a bit more about those feelings.

[MrGreen]

We all know that ' what if ' feeling. It will be play a big part in your life over the next few months. Once you let the whole idea that you have HIV sink into your head it will make your life hell. That is were you need to try and put the facts on the table. How you catch such things. And what you know you done. Balance them up against each other and you should come back with the logical answer. One which you have already stated.

' I,probably, know that HIV is not transmitted in these ways since the basic criteria of transmission (exchange of vaginal fluids/blood) are not met. '

Your words. Now you just have to try and trust in what you already know. It is easier said than done. Heck I would sh!t myself with worry too. Hate waiting for any kind of test results. But we have to learn to cope with things we know. Facts. Accept those facts. Thank our lucky stars. And try not make the same mistake again. Call this one a let off.

[acountred]

I came here to get help in controlling my anxiety and irrational fears. The WHAT-IF feeling..you know

[acountred]

Hi Green, Thank you for writing in.

However, the HIV forum did not ask me to come over here. I came here on my own.
I,probably, know that HIV is not transmitted in these ways since the basic criteria of transmission (exchange of vaginal fluids/blood) are not met.

However, i am having a very difficult time in grasping these facts (that i already know).
May be i need to go to OCD forum or even better, book an appointment with a therapist.

Thank you.

[MrGreen]

Talk about ' Pass the buck '. The HIV forum send you over to us for some words of encouragement? I am sure the next 3 months will be a nervous time for you. The long wait. Then the waiting time for the results to come back. It will be packed with anxiety. But that to me would be normal, expected anxiety. I am not exactly sure what different we are meant to know about HIV? The HIV forum users would / should be the experts in their own field. If they say you are not under any threat at all then I would believe them. All someone over here can say is that the wait to find out will be an anxious time. And we hope you learned a lesson.