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Bipolar Relationships
This might be a stupid question. But for those who have bipolar (like me) how are you able to have relationships. Me I have never been in one or in love, Just lust when those manic days hit and this cause me to try for a relationship for all the wrong reasons. So how are you able to do it.
Its an interesting question - My wife did not know I was bipolar when we married because I was in denial and for 10 years we have known each other and 6 years of marriage everything was fine, I was under control and everything was normal - sure I had lots of energy all the time (hypomanic is my default state) and things hard to run to my routine and sure I was irritable and often easy to anger but that wasnt the bipolar I had been told about right?
Sure. Then a year ago along comes circumstances and suddenly shes living with someone who is not only full tilt manic he's full tilt psychotic manic. Things get better with medication and acceptance and now my life is back to normal most days however its not is it fellow bipolars..
My wife has borne a lot of this, partners do but you can hold down a relationship - the big key we have found is you must be open and honest about everything because there are 2 of you in the relationship not 1 - a lot of bipolar's I have met in various groups and counselling are on the selfish or self obsessed side, this isnt a bad thing because most of us just plain do not realise we are like that - if you look at your world you find all these structures you have in place to cope and survive and when those get messed with its a bad thing and so you become a bit selfish at times.
To make our relationship work we have had to work had on communication, my wife has read everything she can find on bipolar and we have had to work with the behaviours nor against them - as a partner she would say she has had to realise that I dont react to things like she does, little things can become big things very fast but I also have had to realise that little things don't need to be big things.
Its a 2 way street but believe me there are people out there who will love you for who you are, bipolar and all, make sure you are being true to yourself and understand yourself and keep at it - insecurity and lack of self confidence are common to us all, but you can find the right person.
Trust me being open and honest works because after 10 years its damn hard to admit to someone you love that you have tried to kill yourself before.. thats a hard pill for someone to swallow and i think most bipolar sufferers here who have been thru long periods of depression and major events will tell you that it can be just the tip of the iceberg.
Hang in there, find some positive people to talk to and trust in yourself - the most important thing I do every day is look in the mirror and remind myself I am a good person - its a little thing but you would be surprised how much it can help some days to look at the positive things in your life.
Sure. Then a year ago along comes circumstances and suddenly shes living with someone who is not only full tilt manic he's full tilt psychotic manic. Things get better with medication and acceptance and now my life is back to normal most days however its not is it fellow bipolars..
My wife has borne a lot of this, partners do but you can hold down a relationship - the big key we have found is you must be open and honest about everything because there are 2 of you in the relationship not 1 - a lot of bipolar's I have met in various groups and counselling are on the selfish or self obsessed side, this isnt a bad thing because most of us just plain do not realise we are like that - if you look at your world you find all these structures you have in place to cope and survive and when those get messed with its a bad thing and so you become a bit selfish at times.
To make our relationship work we have had to work had on communication, my wife has read everything she can find on bipolar and we have had to work with the behaviours nor against them - as a partner she would say she has had to realise that I dont react to things like she does, little things can become big things very fast but I also have had to realise that little things don't need to be big things.
Its a 2 way street but believe me there are people out there who will love you for who you are, bipolar and all, make sure you are being true to yourself and understand yourself and keep at it - insecurity and lack of self confidence are common to us all, but you can find the right person.
Trust me being open and honest works because after 10 years its damn hard to admit to someone you love that you have tried to kill yourself before.. thats a hard pill for someone to swallow and i think most bipolar sufferers here who have been thru long periods of depression and major events will tell you that it can be just the tip of the iceberg.
Hang in there, find some positive people to talk to and trust in yourself - the most important thing I do every day is look in the mirror and remind myself I am a good person - its a little thing but you would be surprised how much it can help some days to look at the positive things in your life.
Don't give up on having a relationship, they can work even with bipolar. It does take a special kind of person to put up with us but there are patient and understanding people out there - and to look on the positive side we are a pretty quirky and interesting group!
Always be honest and true to yourself.
All the best.
Always be honest and true to yourself.
All the best.
Thanks again to all of those who replied. I am even surprised that those who responded been in relationships for a long, long time. Even though in my manic phase I will make myself not to give in temptation and make myself well. Even though it is hard. Although the meds are not working right now I will not give up until I get the right ones so I can focus. I will not let this illness rule me, I will rule it.:)
I just broke up a relationship two days ago of three years. We were going to move in together. He is ex military and very .....orderly as well as demanding, and overly positive. He is the boyfriend who finally brought me to the doctor to see if I could be "fixed" cause there was something wrong. But in the meantime, after being diagnosed, taking pills, joining this forum, buying books, doing all that I can, he doesn't think I am fighting it as hard as I can....and that this disorder is taking up too much room in our relationship. Then my I got told that my son meets alot of criteria for juvenile bipolar disorder so imagine him living with the two of us....so I was left depleted....thinking I will never get anyone again....this guy really didn't do much for my self esteem...he was so critical. I love him though.
Secondly, an old boyfriend....like when I was 18 and living on my own...or rather with him....contacted me recently....god love the Facebook eh...anyway..I took my chance and asked him how I was with him.....and his answer was that I was always extreme in my highs or lows but I was always supportive of him.....and in his eyes a sweetheart....so to try and get and get someone because they will be lucky...isn't that sweet? So I guess I can....i am very scared though....cause even my marriage was torn apart by this disorder and a manic phase.
Secondly, an old boyfriend....like when I was 18 and living on my own...or rather with him....contacted me recently....god love the Facebook eh...anyway..I took my chance and asked him how I was with him.....and his answer was that I was always extreme in my highs or lows but I was always supportive of him.....and in his eyes a sweetheart....so to try and get and get someone because they will be lucky...isn't that sweet? So I guess I can....i am very scared though....cause even my marriage was torn apart by this disorder and a manic phase.
Yes it do get difficult mainly because of the fact I do have trust issues, and I never been in love.
Hi everyone, I've been reading your posts and can identify with all that is said. Meds that stabalize me have me bland. When I am stable, such as now, the slightest wrong med for the other illness I have FM, can set off terrible intolerance in me.
Zyrtec sent me into a wild manic phase that had me intensely verbal, and physically assertive. Thank God it only lasted three days.
My husband spins not knowing what is the condition and what is me. The answer, the condition is me. Its me that has it. If I'm intolerant, he gets nasty back. I try to explain, it just explodes out of me, when he frustrates me, and he feels it isn't necessary. It isn't necessary, but it is what happens. I don't like it. But fighting back doesn't help. I ask he understand. I have a double whammy with the Fibromyalgia and bi polar illness. Some days, weeks, I am cranky just because I'm sick of feeling sick.
I like the manic phase too but the crash is the pits. The problem with the manic phase is the plans I make like committing to doing a painting, then depression hits and it takes so long for me to pick up a paint brush. I lose people that way. I do not want to do commissions anymore because of it and pain.
Follow through is my most difficult problem. I cannot plan dinners, unless its for that day.
Effexor had me depressed for two years and with a headache.
Thanks for the thread
Zyrtec sent me into a wild manic phase that had me intensely verbal, and physically assertive. Thank God it only lasted three days.
My husband spins not knowing what is the condition and what is me. The answer, the condition is me. Its me that has it. If I'm intolerant, he gets nasty back. I try to explain, it just explodes out of me, when he frustrates me, and he feels it isn't necessary. It isn't necessary, but it is what happens. I don't like it. But fighting back doesn't help. I ask he understand. I have a double whammy with the Fibromyalgia and bi polar illness. Some days, weeks, I am cranky just because I'm sick of feeling sick.
I like the manic phase too but the crash is the pits. The problem with the manic phase is the plans I make like committing to doing a painting, then depression hits and it takes so long for me to pick up a paint brush. I lose people that way. I do not want to do commissions anymore because of it and pain.
Follow through is my most difficult problem. I cannot plan dinners, unless its for that day.
Effexor had me depressed for two years and with a headache.
Thanks for the thread
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