Bipolar

[louiesoto]

I've been "best friends" with a man for 4 years.  1 year ago he was hired by a company and never went to the job.  He isolated himself and drank for almost 2 weeks.  He seemed to get it together (he hid his problem from me) and got another job in a city far away and did the same thing in a hotel room.  I helped him get home and get into a treatment
regimen - he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, started taking Antabuse, going to meetings, exercising, eating right,
and got another job in a far away city.  He was living a healthy existence for 7 months.  Now it seems he has done the same thing.  In the course of 1.5 years he has gotten 3 jobs and lost them.  I care about him but don't know how to proceed.  He has also been prescribed Depakote for the bipolar and it seems to be working.  

I want to change my number and pretend he doesn't exist but I can't.  I really know that he can't help it and needs a friend.  Am I the crazy one?!  Is this man disabled enough so that he can't work - what is your take on all of this?

[cowgirlnerd]

Hello Friend!

A lot of family have a hard time dealing with admitting that the one they love has bipolar disorder.   Most of the times it's because they don't have the correct information and let's be honest, the movies and television don't paint us in the best light.  Most bipolar's aren't slobbering, random speaking, space cadets like they portray.  It's the ignorance that keeps them from seeing the truth - but it's not usually mean spirited.  

Unfortunately, it's after a person has died from suicide that the family will admit to the illness/disorder that took their lives.

I am glad you are being responsible to your own needs.  You are to be commended for your loyalty and compassion.  Take care of yourself.  I hope your friend gets help soon.

[louiesoto]

Thanks.  His family will not believe he's bipolar - they keep talking about drinking.  He's
been suffering with it all his life.  I'm in contact with the hotel - they're going to see what they can do, they have my numbers and will call.  Meantime, I must carry on.  I care about him and may need to go there to make something happen.  I'm hurting for him and me and I care....just taking it an hour at a time.

[bernie40]

I can't say anymore than cowgirlnerd, she has hit the nail on the head here.

[cowgirlnerd]

It's my understanding that if a person is a danger to himself or others, a call to 911 will have them committed.  Of course, they will have a psych evaluation and if he is really good at masking his illness, he can get around a pdoc that has too much on his plate to deal with it.

Now the issue of if he wants to kill himself he will - yes and no.  If he has made the decision - it's hard to change a person's mind.  Most often, they are in good spirits when they have made the decision to end their life.  HOWEVER, if you can convince a person that is considering suicide that if they can wait just one more day - acknowledge that they have the right to do it - but to wait one more day to actually do it - and maybe they can find another answer - you might not have to deal with the loss like I do with my friend Darryl.  Suicide is harder on the survivors than the victim....trust me.  

Again, you are not responsible for another human - period.  My suggestion would be for you to contact his family - voice your concerns and see if they are open to helping him.  They might not be fully aware of how sick he is and maybe if they are avoiding it - your call might push them toward it.  I know a lot of times, people grow tired of the drama of a bipolar patient and just avoid it.  His family might be that way.  Don't feel like the lone ranger when he has family that should be stepping up to the plate to help.

You are in a tough spot - to say the least.  Just don't allow yourself to become consumed by it and let yourself become an unwitting victim of this "wonderful" disorder.  Just don't give up on him without talking to his family first.  After that, you have done all and more than expected of any friend to help him through his crisis.  

[louiesoto]

I talked to the hotel manager and she said that as long as he pays and he can talk to her
(he is so drunk and out of control) because of privacy issues she can't do anything.  She also told me that she knows something of AA and if he wants to kill himself, he will.  She said she would check on him and call me.  He doesn't know what he's doing - I know this because I really do know him.  He's in a crisis.  However, I'm not his wife, sister, mother or anything else so I guess my hands are tied.  I'm in Chicago, he's in Denver.  I have just about exhausted my finances helping him get well - now he slips and I'm hurting financially and my heart is breaking because I can't help.  Seriously, I know I'm the only friend he has
who loves him unconditionally.  I'm hurting and extremely frustrated.  I know, 1 day at a time.  For the time being, I'll just pray that he doesn't die before he comes to his senses
or runs out of money.

[bernie40]

I think cowgirlnerd made a good point in her last paragraph - some very sound advice there.

I don't know if you can get him out of the hotel without his co-operation.  I don't know the laws in your country regarding mental health and patient rights etc.

Would he agree to come home if you went to get him - or would this not be feasible for you?

Have a look through your yellow pages to see if you can find an advice line which deals with mental health issues, they may be able to answer your questions regarding getting him home.

Good luck.