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Borderline Personality Disorder Community
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Avatar universal

What to do about my sister?

I recently learned a bit about bpd from a YouTuber's Psychology 101 episode on personality disorders. When I realized that my sister may have bpd, I did a little more research, and a lot of the symptoms seemed to fit. She has suffered from depression off and on for most of her life, following a traumatic childhood. She has a history of self harm and suicidal thoughts, threatening to take her own life a few times, landing herself in a local psych ward. She has a tendency to get upset over minor things, and create rifts between herself and others. The most recent and ongoing episode has been my request to be called by a different name and set of pronouns because of my gender identity. She took this as a personal attack and stated that she had to protect her children from me and my problem. More than being offended, I hurt for her. Our mom has tried to reason with her, which has resulted in my sister unfriending and blocking my mom on Facebook. We don't live in the same town, and I have no way of contacting her now, but I really want to her to receive help, is there anything either of us can do?
4 Responses
9440890 tn?1415881721
There's really not unfortunately. It's very difficult to get someone treatment who doesn't want it in most states. Unless they are actively suicidal or threatening to harm someone else you can't get them help. My sister in law is very mentally ill and had a psychotic break at the beginning of the year. She was delusional, having hallucinations, paranoid, staying up for days at a time, racing thoughts, erratic behavior (getting arrested , which isn't her at all). We took her to the emergency room to get her committed for an eval and they kept letting her out. This went on for MONTHS. It was the most frustrating thing ever. Finally she started to threaten people and that was what got her committed. It took a few more months before she started to get back to herself with lots of meds. But it was a long road. As someone with BPD myself, that one can be even trickier to gt treatment for. There is a huge stigma with it and many professionals are hesitant to diagnose people with it as it can be difficult to treat. It usually takes a combination of behavioral therapy and medication to manage it. But again, unless something drastic happens or she is lucky enough to bee aware of her illness, which many are not, then there isn't much you can do.
10013100 tn?1418043129
BPD is pretty difficult to treat. I was diagnosed with BPD back in 2007 (along with panic disorder, sleep disorder, OCD, and more). It's been a really tough road, I have to say. Medication alone will only treat some of the symptoms associated with BPD, not the actual disorder. Your sister needs to WANT to get help. CBT/DBT helped me greatly to understand my thought processes and how to appropriately deal with them. It takes being constantly vigilante about your issues; it's very easy to fall back into old patterns. The above poster is also correct, a lot of professionals don't want to treat someone with BPD as they look at it as a lost cause. Another two things that helped me along the way were effexor XR: SSNRI (venlafaxine) and outpatient day hospital program. I'm sure most mental health facilities have programs like this, where from 9-5, mon-fri, you participate in different programs.

Hope this helps a little. Feel free to message me anytime for more info.

Angela
Avatar universal
BPD people have intense irrational fears of being alone and abandoned. Does she have that? They also practice splitting. Sometimes they see the person as someone so great and the minute that person does something wrong, they think they are evil and dont remember any of the good that person has done. This is how their relationships are. Also, does she feel emotionally empty and is she always angry?
Avatar universal
I came across this comment area and thought it was a good place to get this down and share my experience with a BPD girl who has changed my life forever. So I'm 55 and began dating this past Fall a woman who is 34. Normally, I'm not into younger women, but I was super drawn to her and seemingly she to me. Within the first half hour of meeting her she was telling me intimate details about her controlling mother, which I asked her to hold on to and perhaps she could tell me over dinner?  So we went out and boy we just had all these things in common from sense of humor to movie tastes to the way we viewed the world. I was pretty thrilled and began to think that despite the age difference, maybe this was destined to be, especially since I look ten years younger than my age? She told me how everyone in her family hated her or they were estranged, also how she had had to work on not assaulting people in HS if they touched her. I was intrigued by these descriptions and decided to go online to look up BPD as my therapist years ago had mentioned it in some conversation we had. I pulled it up and began reading about it and after I had finished I realized the personality it described was myself...

This woman and I were both BPD sufferers. I was literally in shock and realized my predicament: how could I tell this person, who by now I was becoming very attached to, that I believed we both had this condition without totally killing everything?

The weeks moved forward and I was constantly fighting the urge to cut things off with her. She was going to rdject me, or this thing or that thing. I stopped myself though and hid these feelings and urges for that was what BPD did and I controlled my reactions.

Eventually she beat me to it and ZAPPED out on me over the holidays calling me an *******, then apologizing, then I texted her confessing that I believed we both had BDP (4am was probably a bad time to text this, hey I couldn't sleep!). That was it. I got a barrage of language telling me I was this thing and that thing and to never contact her again.

I figured that was the probable outcome if I told her we probably shared this condition and I was right.  I'm picking the splinters from my heart as I write this, but I'd have to say I have no regrets. I'd tell her again. It was kind of my duty in a way. Maybe she'll get curious and look it up and get the help she needs like I am now. Who can live like this?

I contacted a BPD therapist and have enrolled in a DBT group as well as individual therapy. I can't believe this got missed in my life? I spent 7 years in therapy for depression and PTSD from being abused by my ******* father and this was completely missed. I kept thinking, "there's still something wrong, what am I missing?" I wonder now if this is why I was drawn to her and to other women like her? Looking back I've always been addicted to women with this profile. The minute I see their eyes I am drawn to them. I figure now that the attraction was because they had the answers I needed to cure myself: a mirror of myself,

When I buy a boat I'm going to cristen it the "Tia Renee" in her honor, for she changed my life forever and luckily I'm young enough to not die in a Borderline haze. Guess I kinda loved that girl.

There is hope if you plant a seed. Tell them they might have BPD.
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